@Kare Wow that guy is a jerk, and so is your friend. I’m sorry that happened to you. Sexual assault is not a joking matter, and next time he brings it up I’d say “so if some guy went down on you against your will you’d think that was funny? that means we can make fun of your experience and marginalize it? or what if someone did that to your fiance/mother/sister?” I hate how we have to qualify the outrage by making it person (family) in order for some morons to feel some empathy. My 20s just ended, and having married and divorced in my 20s, I’ve grown the “I’m tired of being nice to jerks” mentality, especially if it’s someone I know. Rape jokes aren’t funny, I don’t understand who thinks they’re funny, but it usually knocks them off balance when they questioned (especially in a group setting).

Also, for the dic pic, I’d show it to the doc. Herpes sometimes takes months/years to actually show, usually a month from first exposure, and there’s no reliable way to diagnose it if you haven’t had a flare up, and a blood test can show a false positive pretty easily. (Stuff I learned after I divorced, and found out he hooked up with a chick who has herpes – or so he told me to make me feel like he wouldn’t touch her, blah blah. Thankfully I’m good it seems, and the docs agree. Also, a good OB/GYN is a must for the rest of your adult life, if you don’t like/trust one, move on to another one.) If you trust your doctor, then why not? I find that with your body and health, you can’t be too careful. I would also ask your FWB to show you his latest STD test, and require they be within a month or two of presenting to you (the more recent the better).

@veritek – can I just say your weekend date sounds awesome!!

I’m engaged now, so not weird dates anymore…kind of. But our first date is interesting. I met him at a party, and we’re both recently divorced, and just hit it off so well, so I took him home, had a fun time. Then the next morning I decided I’d like to hang out with him, and took him to this thing called Folsom Street Fair (it’s a serious fetish festival drawing in thousands of people…naked, bondage, whipping, hooks, BDSM, puppy play, etc.), and this guy has never seen anything like it before. So it made for a fun and interesting first unofficial date. But our next official date was hockey, dinner, drinks, he stayed over, and then we went to check out a sand castle competition on the beach. At that point he lived 2 hours away, so we’d see each other every few weeks, and now he moved down here with me. And now I’m happy to have an occasional weekend to myself when he goes to see family 2 hrs away (I usually go, but sometimes I opt out and we have our separate weekends).

Off topic, can I just say, having a guy do all the laundry because I work more and he does school is AMAZING! Every time he does laundry or vacuums is like “awww, I love you!” it’s so heartwarming, it’s as good as getting flowers or going out to dinner. At least for me.

Yeah I’ve been dealing with it on and off for 6 years now. I got it with my first boyfriend and really had no idea about HPV or anything. Really wishing I had gotten the vaccine. I have it now since I don’t have the other strains. I’ve had 3 colposcopies and numerous small biopsies each time I have a colposcopy. Fortunately everything comes back benign, but it’s still a pain in the ass. Well cervix. For now we’re hoping it clears up becasue the other procedures to remove the abnormal cells could affect my ability to carry a baby to term.

My FWB is the founder of an annual BDSM event in my city. We don’t really engage in that sort of thing…yet. Maybe at some point. But the bonus is that he’s very sex positive and respectful of consent, boundaries, etc.

I discuss my sex life and my reproductive organs wayyyy more on the Internet than in real life. Whoops.

I got the vaccine after I got HPV, honestly, it’s worth the money, it last a lifetime. The thing with HPV is that a condom won’t protect you, because it’s on the surrounding areas, so if a guy wears a condom but his skin in that area touches your skin in that area, it’ll transmit. Also, guys don’t have tests for HPV, so it’s really on the woman to stay safe and get tested. HPV can lead to various cancers, including mouth and throat cancers, and can cause effects in a guy after long term exposure as well. A lot of the HPV strains clear up and are harmless, but the ones that don’t will have you freaking out for a bit, and it hits hard especially if you are thinking of having children (and especially waiting to have them till you’re stable).

So yes, if any dates involve sex, even with a condom, I highly support the HPV vaccine before continuing to have sex.

Also, ask your doctor if you can set up a payment plan for it if the lump sum is too much for now.

@kare – the 3 shot series actually protects from 2 of the high risk strains, 2 medium risk, 3 that cause warts, and 5 low-risk hpv strains. So total, the 3 shot series protects you from 12 various strains. Considering that these 12 are the most common, and 2 of them account for 70% of cervical cancers, this is a pretty big deal. I do have to correct myself though, it seems the vaccines are effective for 8-10 years, and if you’re having multiple partners, you may need to get the shot done again.

So… from my understanding, the HPV shot isn’t recommended for women in their 30s. Is that still the case? Like, do they still say only for women in their late twenties or younger?