DW Community Catch-up Thread
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And yeah, longer you’ve been there and more serious the relationship, the more okay I think it is. I just wouldn’t start a new job and put a picture of my boyfriend on my desk right away. I want people to get to know my work before giving them a look into my personal life.
We do that hot-desking crap at my new office, so it’s not an issue, but I wouldn’t even put up my wedding picture, tbh. It was a destination wedding, Cabo, I’m dressed up like Barbie… I wouldn’t even want to get into it with people who don’t know me well.
People know I have a husband and that’s really it. His dad died recently and I had to work from home and was a bit less available for a couple days, and my boss started asking questions and it’s like, I don’t want to talk about my husband’s family! It’s a weird situation! But I had to be polite and share a bit.
Yeah, I guess I’ve always waited awhile to bring anything personal into work — took me two years just to bring in some art — but I wouldn’t think much of it if someone brought in a few photos not long after starting as long as they were work-appropriate. A former co-worker of mine was maybe 25 and had a lot of partayyyy pics in her cubicle, which was exposed to our most heavily trafficked hallway, and that’s the only time something like that has raised an eyebrow.
May seem somewhat counter-intuitive, but I think the *older* you are, the less transparent you want to be.
I would murder the husband if he put a pic of us up. Then again, we work at the same company.
EDT, yes to Kate’s comment, the older I’ve become, the more private I definitely am. Also, the moment I became a manager and started mingling with the executives, I became more private. It has helped my career plans immensely.
I think that it depends a lot. For *some* workplaces, having your boss invested in you as a person with a family and relationships can be beneficial. But it’s fraught with peril too.
Hmm. I’ll definitely think about that one. I always had pictures of my dog on my desk (and as my screen background) so when she passed away EVERYONE knew how much I loved her and was super supportive. I had a memorial for her, and invited a few of my coworkers (people I trained, I would get fairly close to them) and in the invite, in lieu of flowers (which I didn’t have the emotional capacity to care for) I asked for folks to donate to Carolina Poodle Rescue in my dog’s name. My coworkers were so sweet – they got together and donated over $300 to CPR. That’s actually where I ended up getting my girls a few months later.
I have become much more private as I’ve progressed in my career to become a trainer and a leader, including being much less transparent in my facial expressions and my opinions. This last experience with the woman who used what I said against me when she went on and on about how I could trust her and she was my advocate (mmm hmm) was…awful. Really shocking. I don’t want to let it make me bitter, but that’s a discussion for another thread.
Anywho, I got news today that my friend/future boss just has to get approval from the CRO which she’ll do next week. I am chomping at the bit to go back to work, not in the least because there’s an obedience class I want to sign my pups up for and it’s $300 for both of them, and I just want to know where the money is going to come from before I do it, y’know?
To bring things back to dating: this is the first time in my life I’ve had a long term partner who loves me, and it’s so…wonderful but a total change for me. I’ve never been in such a solid relationship where my partner wants to know everything that’s going on and helps me make decisions about my life. What?! Even last week on New Year’s we spent the day together and I came in from taking my dogs out and just started crying because I was so tired of waiting for a job offer and felt so overwhelmed. He knew something was wrong before I broke down. He held me for a long time even though his friend was there from out of town and it was a little awkward (lol). The next day after taking his friend to the airport he insisted on coming to my house and spending the night with me to make sure I was ok. I’ve just never experienced this before and sometimes I have to remind myself to tell him the minutiae of what’s happening because I’m not used to it; I’m used to just dealing with things by myself because I’ve never had a long term partner who’s emotionally invested in my well being and our future together. So for all the horrible shit that happened in 2019, finding him has helped SO much. <3
I do have small pics of my two nieces on my desk. That and a fruit bowl that occasionally has fruit in it.
Yeah, I’d probably not do the dog stuff at work. I love my dog-my facebook page is an endless stream of kid and dog pictures. I cried when my last dog died. But I don’t think it’s a perception that helps you at work.
See, I’ve had the opposite experience. My office was full of dog people and I work in tech, so it was a super casual atmosphere. I was honestly one of the most professional, “square” people (many people commented on it when I first started, I was “so serious” and “always working”). I bonded with 2 of my former bosses about our dogs, so much so that one of them, who I’m still close with, came to my dog’s memorial. He also texted me each time he lost one of his and his wife’s four dogs, even long after I stopped reporting to him. My last company also powered one of the dog walking apps behind the scenes, which we use as a case study to tell prospects and customers. I used the app while I worked there and got to show the salespeople what it looked like from an end user’s standpoint which really helped them to understand it better.
It really does depend on your office, I think. The offices I work in, in tech, are pretty casual, have a very laid back culture, and honestly I am seen as a square. (I got offered a vape pen at a happy hour with my coworkers. I was the ONLY ONE who did not take a hit, and was looked at strangely/offered it 3x like “are you sure?”, but it’s illegal in my state and I had my dog with me and have only ever done it twice in my life, so, no.)
My friend/future boss and I are pretty close already; we are Facebook friends, from the same area of the country, and have spoken fairly freely (at least, she has – I was more careful) in our interviews. When she becomes my boss I will be careful on what she can see on my FB (I already am pretty censored there, I don’t post politics or anything that I would be ashamed of because I have a ton of my mom’s friends, etc) but she knows me pretty well. We’ve been friends for 6 years and always wanted to work together again, so I’m not super worried.
