So yeah, obviously, the patriarchy plays a huge role. Just look at how we talk about men who go grey as they age vs. women. Silver fox vs. “she’s so brave!” comments. There is a very real double standard. I’ve read/heard people say that men age better, but I disagree — they’re just “allowed” to age/look older.

I can’t speak for everyone, though, but I’m not out here trying to look a decade younger than I am. Like I said, I want to look refreshed/not tired.

As for body type, I have thin privilege and have most of my life, but I spent a few years of my 20s about 30 lbs heavier than I am now. I am petite, so this was a lot on my frame. I can 100% say I was treated differently — mostly by men — when I was heavier. (I assume something similar happens with aging, but am not there yet in my own like so cannot speak to it.) The diet industry is also, like, an $80 billion industry that preys on/profits off of our insecurities. (I don’t know as much about the beauty industry, but it, too, profits off of us in the same way.) Society’s ideal body type changes, too. When I was in high school, we glorified the rail thin celebrities while young women like Hilary Duff were called fat by the media… fast forward to a few years ago and Hilary Duff blew up the internet for how great her butt looked in a dress on set because that’s “in” these days.

So yeah, we can bank on “not being enough” always being in style.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Copa.

@Copa all good points. When I’m with the older ladies it’s less about looking younger and more about looking put together. They all have wrinkles and some go with gray and others dye and some wear wigs and others don’t. No one expects you to look like you’re 50. Same goes for the men although they do have an easier time with it. Still, the men always dress in collared shirts or button downs, some with those fancy matching prints like the big guy on Modern Family. Athleisure is for working out, not for meals or card games. Comfort is important but rarely do I see someone frumpy.

But yeah – as a fat middle aged woman, I’m pretty invisible. But I’ve never been super attractive; I’ve never been given hot chick favors so I don’t miss what I never had. I usually get great service from folks because I’m personable and tip really well.

Yes, despite all that I wrote above, I don’t think it’s inherently problematic if people are putting effort into their appearance because it makes them feel confident and put together.

So as far as being treated differently at different sizes goes, I’m not even talking hot girl favors, which was never my experience pre-weight gain. I’m just talking basic respect stuff. There were instances of unintentionally inappropriate comments as well as some comments with no other purpose than to be cruel for no reason. My sister has PCOS and has always been heavier and I’ve heard enough stories about what she’s experienced in work, dating, etc. that I can’t say I blame people for thinking that if they only looked a certain way — younger, slimmer, more whatever-we-deem-beautiful-in-the-moment — they’d be treated better.

A couple days ago I watched a few minutes of that Lorry Hill video linked a few pages back, it’s the only one of her videos that I’ve seen any amount of, and thought she absolutely looks like she’s had surgery. I’d never know what, specifically — she’s not going to be on Botched anytime soon — but didn’t think she looks natural or like she had just a little bit of filler or whatever.

Yeah, her face didn’t move. I haven’t spent any real amount of time on her channel, but videos scrutinizing procedures celebs may or may not have done doesn’t sit the best with me. I’ve watched a few along those lines on TikTok. It’s unfortunate and problematic that so many unattainable standards of beauty start with celebs who have work done, but at the same time it’s hard for me to not feel a bit for those same people who are publicly scrutinized or torn apart in magazines, online, on TV, etc. for aging or gaining weight or whatever. Seems like a crappy vicious cycle to me and I’d not be surprised if many celebs have a lot of body image issues. My dad was pretty strict growing up and one thing he absolutely detested were women’s magazines. Like, HATED any time he saw me or my sister flipping through one. I didn’t understand why then, but I think I do now. It’s all super messed up.

Also, in a lot of the videos she talks about whatever shit the celeb was going through, like how the things people have said publicly about Khloe Kardashian probably have made her feel, and how that might have influenced her decisions.

I don’t have sensitive skin, so don’t listen to me, but you could start out with the lowest percentage one that The Ordinary makes, and use it like, every 2-3 days at first, then work up to every night. You use it at night.