Crush’s best friend keeps trying to hinder my chances with him???
- This topic has 72 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 3 weeks ago by
.
-
Posts
-
“Like bruh, did u think a 12-14 yr old would just waltz into the forum lol.”
Yeah, I absolutely did. It’s not unheard of.
There are plenty of advice seekers of all ages. While I don’t know the youngest I’ve encountered, I’ve encountered 11 and 12 year olds seeking advice on other sites. I think you’re underestimating how internet savy kids can be and how unsupervised many of them are.
Would not be surprised at all if someone were 12 or 14.
That said – at 16 you are still learning how to be bold and how to be “you”. You started this conversation about your crush and how his best friend is in your way. You didn’t say you met two great people who you want to be friends with and also getting a crush on one of them. You told us that you had a crush on this one guy, and he has a friend, so you’re trying to make her your friend not because you want to be her friend, but because it will make getting time with him easier.
Now you’re trying to justify these manipulations but you started with the premise that she’s in your way. That’s your perspective, not ours. Perhaps we’re telling you things you don’t want to hear –
You know, it’s rude to pick one thing out from my comment and twist it and use it as an insult. Plenty of twelve year olds have crushes. I would almost say, it’s universal. See any boy band. I work at a middle and high school and I don’t think you are 16 at all.
IDEK what do your friends think about this?
How do you plan on “getting a date with him” if you can’t speak to him?
Good point @Anon. Something isn’t quite adding up here.
I was definitely a mid-to-late bloomer, but I still had my first crushes around age 12. My 12 year old daughter has had crushes and all of her friends are all always talking about their crushes. It’s kind of the thing 12 year old (girls in particular) are known for.
It’s not like it’s bad or anything to have not had a crush until a later age, but the assertion that it’s weird is…odd.
I’m sure this forum has seen 12-14 year olds. As well as plenty of folks who I assume are teens based on what they wrote and then it turns out they’re, like, 43.
Anyway, I can give you grace for acting childish because you are still a child whether you’re 13 or 16. I was what I’d consider a later bloomer but that for me meant I had a lot of crushes from afar until I was like 17. I have one distinct memory from just after I turned 19 that feels like the moment I realized I had truly found my confidence in flirting/dating.
If having a conversation with this guy is too hard, if you can’t give him a small compliment and smile at him, you can just… stop scheming and enjoy the crush. Crushes are fun. Heck, sometimes getting to know someone is the fastest way to stop crushing cause you realize they kinda suck.
Yeah, if you can’t speak to him, enjoy the crush but work on your confidence. It’s not a big deal to ask someone for their number if you routinely hang out with them. And if it is a big thing to ask, you’re not ready.
Okay, don’t make an effort to be friends with this girl. She blew you off 3x. I mean be polite and respectful to her, but she’s not your way in with this guy. Go around her. At the Christmas party, chat with him. Ask him some questions. Then say something like, hey, feel free to go circulate or whatever, I don’t want to monopolize your time. Give him an out. If he takes it, that is kind of a cue. You don’t need to have an hours long marathon overshare convo. See if he seeks you out. If you have a nice time chatting with him, tell him you had a really nice time talking with him, and give him your number or Instagram. Just like, hey, I had a nice time with you. Here is my insta so you know how to reach me.
That is how you meet someone organically and signal that you’d like to continue the convo.
I think the problem is that they don’t hang out routinely and have only spoken once, but IDK if I’ve followed every detail here. By late HS, I was fine talking to boys I knew. I do remember noticing a few guys around my neighborhood that I thought were cute when I was 17-18 who probably went to a different HS or possibly were college commuters, and I’d have had NO clue how to get to know those guys back then since our paths never really crossed. I assume this scenario is similar-ish to that, though they at least seem acquainted even if I don’t understand the connection… which should make it a lot easier. Pretty much all of my early dating experiences until I jumped online for the first time in my mid-20s were guys I met at school, through (existing) friends/at parties, or at work.
Anyway, I’m curious for an update since I think the holiday party was last night. How did it go, @IDEK?
ETA: As a college sophomore, I was walking home from a party with a couple friends and met a guy who was walking home from a different party with a couple of his friends. Somehow we started talking? He added me on FB, then contacted me on AIM, then we exchanged numbers. (Why we did not exchange numbers while on our respective ways home, I could not tell you.) Once we exchanged numbers, we made plans. When I brought up using online platforms as a tool, that’s what I mean. I don’t mean having any kind of prolonged or inappropriate online contact that would make your parents upset. I meant using it as a tool to help facilitate in-person activities and dates, especially if it feels lower stakes than asking for his number.
Also, if HE is the one bringing his friend on your hangouts (if I’m reading that correctly)… I mean… is that really for his gen z safety? I’d assume a guy didn’t like me romantically if he threw his friend into our hangout. But again, I’m really not sure if I’ve followed every detail here.
I missed the fact that you don’t have socials. But still. Really the right way to do these things is to have a brief friendly convo, offer him an out if he wants it, tell him you had a nice time talking to him, and give him your number. No confession necessary. If he doesn’t pick it up, he’s not into you in that way, and that’s ok. It’s not personal.
I don’t know if it’s weird for a 16 year old not to have control of her own socials. My brother is 51 and my dad logs into his FB and stuff to block ppl so he doesn’t get scammed. A first crush at 16 does seem odd though. I was like 10 when I had a crush. So yes, 12 would be more than believable. I buy that you’re 16 but I would also buy 12.
