First dates fail – advice needed
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when I was single there was no point in time when I would ever have done more than a single phone screening conversation before taking someone on a first date and I have to assume that people are even less willing to do it now in the age of texting. I’m not trying to be some Internet tough guy here. It’s just a giant waste of time when most first dates don’t go anywhere. People can obviously do what they want but if you insist on 4-6 phone conversations I think that you need to reasonably expect that most people will decide that you aren’t worth the trouble. And I’ve given similar advice to a male poster here who has unreasonable pre date screening requirement (though still less than 4-6 calls). Lord.
Tiger Paw, are you in your 60s or 70s? People in that generation are more comfortable using the phone, and also maybe haven’t been in the dating market for quite some time. I could see an older guy who’s divorced or widowed maybe being hesitant to meet in person and being okay with phone calls. But for most people that would be a no-go.
Kate, I wish I could answer your question because what I’m reading does not compute. I answered a viewers questions about going out on first dates that end up going nowhere, hence, I suggested that perhaps interviewing them over the CELL phone might assist her in less disappointment – by doing this she could save time and emotions. Ask them questions, like what are there interests, intentions etc.
Not sure why a misread of the original person who was seeking advice resulted in this response.
Oh, I was responding to your comment here:
“ Speaking for myself, I like phone chats in getting to learn about a potential date. First, since you have nothing to lose, you can ask whatever questions you need. After about 4-6 chats (1-2 also); you can determine if you really need to pursue a first date.”
So you’re saying you haven’t actually done this, you just recommend it?
Fyodor, I am wondering how does this response help the person who asked for advice and said her first dates have been disappointing – From my personal experiences most of my first dates work because they are only first dates and I go with no expectations – just wanna know who I’ve been talking to on a dating site or phone.
Most guys/females what to see if you look like your picture and I’m told a lot of people do not; and some just want to feel the energy – it literally does not have to be 4-6 calls, in the real world it could be 1 or 2 – it is a bout the energy, the person’s agenda (sex, a free meal or getting out of the house) or BAM – they dig each other immediately!
Dating not Mating = do so without expectations and you probably won’t be disappointed
I am keeping her from following your terrible suggestion and wasting a lot of time screening people for first dates and/or turning off potentially good candidates who don’t want their time wasted with a ludicrous pre-date screening process.
That’s how I’m being helpful to the original poster, who btw, checked out of the thread a month ago.
I don’t think the original person needing advice should be limited to ONE person’s advice. Your advice is as good as my advice, so I wonder why you question my advice and not aid in helping her?
To answer you, YES, I have always been “slow” in developing a potential love interests, I can tell a “troll” after a phone call – it does not have to be literally 4-5, it could be on the first call.
May I suggest that we stick to author and not an opinion of a reader please
Since using social media and cell phones I like the idea of chatting and getting to learn someone. I personally, have had great results in eliminating “idiots” or men with an agenda different from my own.
If a relationship is NOT going to work, 1 phone call or 50 won’t change the outcome. The author of the original inquiry was depressed that she always ended up on negative first date. She needs the advice NOT ME!
Let me ask you this, if you keep doing something and you get the same results – is it not okay to try something different?
Fyodor, okay I respect your saving her! The site is made for opinions not rescues!
GIVE her your ADVICE and not criticize of opinions of others
Hopefully, she will follow your advice and not take a simple OPINION so seriously.
Is vanilla ice cream better for you than strawberry? – just an opinion REMEMBER THAT!
Sandra555, you are going to read a lot of opinions on here, some will be good and some will be not so good.
The bottom line is if you keep getting the same results from the same action, you might need to examine what is happening.
MOST of all Refrain from blaming YOU – a lot of people of SCREWED up – don’t allow them to screw you up!
Even the advise of others can screw you (like ME) – PAUSE and rethink – YOU are young and your potential mate might me next door, 2000 miles away or at the grocery store – WE are all having the same issues – the proof is in the divorce rate!
I mean, yeah, your advice here on this particular post about dating was worse than Fyodor’s.
People don’t do phone calls anymore. Throwing out yet another hurdle to prospective dates is only going to make things harder for the LW, not easier.
Fwiw I think your comments on other posts are on point, but this one’s a miss.
Kate, I did not know there were Users of the site that rated responses or suggestions.
YOU must be RIGHT and I must be WRONG
At least this is a subject to show and discuss during a phone call, I’m not 60 or 70 but my friends are finding this great entertainment.
Actually, this is MADE for TV getting a “F” on a advice website is a FIRST for me, I shall report it on many social sites LOL
