Friend is dating someone REALLY old
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Ten years doesn’t matter latter in life. At 19 it’s a bit sleevy for a man to want to date what is essentially a child. Don’t worry it won’t last and it isn’t your business anyway.
I’ll also add, one of my buddies keeps getting older (he’s 34) but his dates and girlfriends don’t. He, too, lies about his age on dating apps (shaved two years off). Since his late 20s, he has consistently dated women who are 18-24 (but usually 20+). Some have been women he’s just wanted to sleep with, others have been relationships. There are a few things I’ve noticed. The ones he’s had actual relationships with, he has cared about the women and genuinely enjoyed their company, but I don’t think he’s seen any as long-term prospects. He also seems to like that it’s easier to date younger women because the expectations are generally lower, and the effort he has to put in is less. (I know this isn’t true of all young women, but I do think many 19-year-olds put up with crap they wouldn’t in their late 20s.) And the guy isn’t what LW calls a “loser type” — he’s a JD/MBA who works as in-house counsel for a major company. He’s not inherently ill-intentioned or out to hurt anyone — he’s dating around, having fun, not letting anything get too serious — but I find his dating habits sketchy.
If you’re a guy who just wants to have fun and nothing serious, I can see why you’d be attracted to college girls, as opposed to women in or around their 30s who you believe are going to be less about fun and more about pressuring you to settle down and put a ring on it and have babies. I get it. Lying by 5 years on a dating app is kind of bullshit, but guys are only going to get away with that bullshit if women let them.
Juliecatherine is right. This guy is a creep. But you can’t do anything about it, and your friend is going to have to learn the hard way.
LW – if you look up this guy, look on LinkedIn. If he has an MBA and works at a good company, he will be there. Honestly, I think this is fine. What I will say is that guys with this age difference are usually not looking for a real commitment. They will be exclusive but they don’t want marriage and kids. They aren’t looking for a life partner but someone to have a good time with. Also, women who are 19 are usually impressed with less. For example, when I was 19, I briefly dated a guy who was 29. He still lived at home but had a job and could take me on dates off campus. He could afford a weekend away to florida. It was great. But now, I would have concerns about a guy who still lived with his parents. at 19 I thought that was more normal. So while I doubt these people will get married, I don’t think she is in danger. But again, check out LinkedIn.
The lying thing… that’s totally sketchy… especially a five year lie. But I’m not sure why dating younger women is super sketchy?
In my early to mid twenties, I “dated” a couple of older men (one was 17 years older). It was perfect. They were attractive. Established. The sex was good. We’d go out for a nice dinner. Good conversations. I didn’t want a relationship. Neither did they. It was truly a win-win. Basically, companionship and sex. Oddly, nearly every man I dated that had long term potential was younger than me.
As long as both parties are up front, I don’t really see a big deal with the age difference thing.
I definitely find lying to be a red flag though.
My bff in college had two long-term boyfriends, and they were both at least a decade older than us. The first one was an unemployed alcoholic who liked to hang out at his old frat house, and the second one was a deadbeat dad who was emotionally abusive. Ten years isn’t a huge age gap when you’re older, but at 19 it’s a pretty big deal and when older dudes go after much younger women my spidey sense goes nuts
It’s a grown adult dating a teenager. That’s why it’s creepy. She’s fresh out of high school.
I dated older men when I was young, but I view those times as older men having issues.
I married a man 13 years older than me, but I was 27 when we started dating.
Guys. A 19-year-old is not a child. What’s a guy in his 20s who’s not ready for something serious supposed to do, date a 28-year-old who’s ready to get married and have babies and then be labeled an asshole for wasting her time?
An 18 year old is not a child. They are considered adults by society’s standards. Well America’s standard anyway. Just because you percieve 18-20yrs old as children does not mean they shouldn’t be treated like adults. If a 19 yr old wants to date whatever age person then they have that right as a human being. Who cares about the maturity level…yes there is that maturity level there but its irrelevant because everyone matures differently…women usually mature sooner then men anyway. Im sure most young adults would take offense to being called a child when they are in fact adults. I would take offense if I was 19 being told im a child. @lucidity i have male friends just like as you described. To say its creepy that a late twenties man is dating a young adult is creepy is ridiculous. Him lying about his age maybe red flaggish but then again its only a big deal if you make it more tjen what it is. People lie about dumbshit all the time that doesnt mean they are awful people, sure a character flaw but common on.
Everybody is a victim. Even the 19 savvy year old casually dating a guy older than her. Blah blah blah. Oppressed. Power inbalance. Blah blah blah. We get it. Your message is loud and clear.
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Most young women are simply too dumb and too childlike to date. Many are but fragile, delicate flowers we must all protect because they are so special and precious and — I guess — slow. Too slow to think for themselves. Unable to make their own decisions… So much for equality. The patriarchy was Right. Who knew?Most young women are simply too dumb and too childlike to date.
I mean, most 19 year olds of either gender are too dumb to date, honestly. Certainly too dumb to date people a good deal older than them, if not date each other. A 29 year old woman dating a 19 year old dude is just as gross.
That said, she is a legally a grown-up, its her choice to date this guy even if everyone else in the world will side eye it.
