From My Mail Bag
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How do you acknowledge that it’s basically a fairy tale and then also not accept that it’s not going to work out? Fairy tales are not real, by definition.
This is a case where she decided what was best for them and now can’t figure out how to force him to do what she decided he should do.
LW There is no magical formula to make him do what you want. He gets to decide for himself whether he goes to live with you in Australia and there is nothing you can do to make him move. It’s the same as you get to decide where you want to live and no one can make you move. So you are at an impasse. When you hit a point where neither of you is willing to go live with the other and you are a 21 hour plane flight apart so you have no relationship.
All of your reasons can’t make him do what he doesn’t want to do. No matter how logical or reasonable you think it is for him to move, no matter how much more money you make, or home you own or anything else, you can’t force him to do what he doesn’t want to do. The bottom line is that he is an independent adult who makes his own decisions. If every person on this site agreed with you it still would do nothing to make him move because he doesn’t want to move.
If he won’t move to be with you then your choices are to either move to him or finish the relationship or continue as a holiday relationship. Him moving to you isn’t an option because he has taken it off the table. You’ve taken you moving to him off the table. Now your choices are continue as a holiday relationship or break up.
Christ, I apologise on behalf of my countryman.
I will say though that house prices here are pretty ridic. Sydney average house price is like $1.1 million, Melbourne is around $800,000 – national average is about $780,000. Something tells me ole moneybags up there isn’t looking for a fixer upper in the outer western suburbs so it makes sense she’s got a mortgage.
That said OP you want the fairytale. Guess what? You can’t have that. Visas for Australia are insanely difficult to get. I’ve had highly skilled British friends knocked back, they only got their visa on appeal. I can see why your BF might be hesitant. If you speak to people like you do here why would he want to move? He would have no support network, no job and his only lifeline is an elitist shrew. The second you don’t get what you want this is how you react, that he’s hesitant Je ne suis pas surpris.
OMG I have a fairytale too! How did I never realize this?
I went on a trip in Europe with a perfect stranger and we fell in love! And since then we have been travelling all over the continent to see each other! And every time it’s an absolute bliss. We said “I love you” for the first time six days after we met, and we haven’t stopped saying it since!
And then I moved to his country and it was absolutely…. FUCKING HARD! Do you have any idea how insane it is to get a visa and to move to a foreign country? And I didn’t move to my boyfriend only because of “love”, I moved because I had the opportunity to do my PhD in two incredibly renown research institutions. Moving was the best thing I could do for my career and my future, and it was still REALLY DIFFICULT! Logistically, emotionally, name it. Believe me, seeing your family twice a year is not the same as “being close to them”, even with Skype.
Really, I can’t with this LW. “Moving for love” isn’t a thing. We still live in the real world, no matter how amazingly romantic our relationships are.
That actually sounds like a really neat story Miel! How did you wind up going to Europe with a stranger?
No, Miel, you did not do that. NOBODY travels with someone they barely know except the LW and that French cutie. YOU do not have a fairy tale. Stop saying that.
@juliecatharine We were both already in Germany for internships, him in the north part and me in the south. We connected on a Facebook group and decided to go to the Alps together for a weekend trip. So we met in person for the first time on a train leaving Munich. Luckily he wasn’t an axe murderer.
I was thinking more along the lines that LW has been paying for all these trips (since she is rolling in it,right?)And the boyfriend likes her enough to go on fabulous vacations for free, but doesn’t really care for her. Kind of reminds me of the pseudo “model” ultra gross “Hot Felon” who is photographed slobbering all over the “heiress” Chloe Green. I ‘ll bet if she was broke she wouldn’t hear from him again.
