I feel so ashamed , how do I let this go?

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  • Marie
    October 7, 2022 at 5:44 am #1116387

    I’ve been exclusively seeing this guys for months.
    He came over few days ago, we were lovey dovey as usual, we had sex and went for dinner.
    Everything was fine and then today he ends things with me.
    This hurts so bad but it even hurts the more thinking that he came over, was all sweet, had sex with me knowing that he didn’t want anything anymore but didn’t say a word.
    When he ended things, he admitted that he had already thought of ending it and when I asked why he didn’t tell me before and he then had sex with me and didn’t mention it when he came over, he said he thought I wanted the sex.

    Yes we’ve had sex before but I thought he’d have the heart to tell me he didn’t want anything happening between us anymore and then I can decide if I wanted sex or not.
    I mean we talked about being exclusive, the least he could do was be honest and tell me the moment he didn’t want anything anymore.

    I’m honestly so hurt.
    He then said he likes me and wants to be friends and he knows what he did was probably mean but it’s best this way.

    Most of all I feel so much shame and dirty.
    I can’t even look myself in the mirror.

    October 7, 2022 at 8:58 am #1116388

    You don’t have to feel ashamed. This happens to everyone. So you had sex with someone you had agreed to be exclusive with, and then he broke up with you in kind of a shitty way. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. To move past this, it’s important that you do not fall for being “friends” with him. He’s not your friend. That could easily turn into no-strings hookups, or, at best, just a painful limbo. Do not do it. Block him, delete his number, never talk to him again, and look for someone who wants to date you and eventually that he wants to be your boyfriend, acts like a boyfriend, and makes you feel good.

    October 7, 2022 at 10:18 am #1116389

    Definitely do not be friends with him. He’s not good friend material.

    “He said he thought I wanted sex.” This is such a fucking joke of a statement from him because it’s half complete. You didn’t have all of the information that he had because he didn’t share it with you. He knew he was ending it. So yeah, you wanted sex with the guy that you were dating. Had you known that he was breaking things off, maybe you would have still wanted sex, but you probably wouldn’t and he wasn’t taking the risk that you didn’t want a last romp.

    Don’t feel ashamed – feel angry. He’s a user and he treated you poorly.

    Avatar photo
    October 7, 2022 at 10:54 am #1116390

    LW, you don’t have to feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong, you have nothing to be ashamed of. His behavior is a reflection of the kind of person he is, it is not a reflection of you or your value. If anything, he’s the one who should feel shame for treating you poorly… and then having the audacity to still ask to be friends.

    When I struggled with feelings like this in the past, I’d remind myself as many times as I needed that someone worth MY time, energy, and emotion would never treat me how they did. Block/delete on all platforms. Keep yourself busy with friends, family, and activities that make you happy. The hurt will soften with time.

    October 7, 2022 at 2:18 pm #1116392

    He’s a total jerk, you have no reason to feel ashamed.

    October 8, 2022 at 3:23 am #1116400

    Thank you guys.
    I’m trying to get past it.
    I’m just so angry and sad.
    Like how could someone you actually trusted and believe in so something like that. Such a hard pill to swallow and just feeling like he just saw me as some piece of ass to use and not enough to actually be honest with.
    It’s so difficult but I will keep pushing

    Avatar photo
    October 8, 2022 at 6:37 am #1116415

    This guy is a total cad and what he did to you – or some variation of it – has happened to the best of us. It’s not your fault and it’s not a reflection of your worth, I promise. Delete all evidence of him from your life and move on. Don’t let this embitter you to other men, but also think about any possible red flags he might’ve shown previously and be wary if you ever see those signs again in a future potential match. Every relationship – even the ones that don’t end well (maybe especially the ones that don’t end well) – can be lessons for us. Think about what lessons there might be from this relationship and apply them going forward. This is a step forward, not a step back.

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I feel so ashamed , how do I let this go?

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