“My husband’s past with brothels”
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And I think I actually do judge people who use day laborers, taking advantage of being able to pay them less and not provide benefits.
Anyway, back to my original point, I think there are guys who pay women to have sex with them and guys who don’t. And they’re different types of guys.
I mean, the husband in this letter is ASHAMED of what he used to do—presumably because he knows it was wrong.
Yeah, I don’t think men who use prostitutes respect women.
Regardless, you shouldn’t marry someone you don’t know well, (hindsight, right? I realize this doesn’t help you now, OP.) who won’t even talk about his past mistakes etc with you when you ask about them.
Ask for couples counseling and more communication.
Thank you for all the responses. I married young with family pressure playing into it, and have no experience in the marriage department. Thank you for all the feedback. Ultimately from what i’ve Read this matter shouldn’t be something that I can brush under the rug. I guess I was trying to understand if there is any justification behind this action but there’s clearly not.
Justification behind his going to brothels? Well, you have a bunch of people’s opinions about it, which you can certainly consider, but what really matters is how YOU feel about it. If you’re disturbed, disgusted, disappointed, disillusioned, whatever, and you try to sweep it under the rug, that won’t work. Your feelings will still be there, and as you bottle them up, over time they come out in different unhealthy ways and erode your marriage. That’s what happens. It also matters what HE says about it, which, at the moment is nothing. I don’t know how you’re going to get past this without talking about it and both of you trying to understand the other ones point of view and feelings. You can’t even talk to your husband, or you feel he’d get mad and leave you. This is where a professional can help you sort out what your feelings actually ARE and how to talk to your husband.
Without getting to the point where you know how you feel and can express it and have a conversation where you learn how he feels, and figuring out together how to rebuild trust, your marriage is pretty much done.
This is an interesting read, and speaks to the guilt and shame your husband might feel.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes
I feel the comments have gotten a little of topic and not really answering the question at hand. The fact your husband doesnt want to talk about it probably means hes embarrased by it and doesnt want you to think badly of him. Everybody has a past and the fact he has settled down now and had a child with you suggests that he is not that type of person anymore. So I guess the real question is, can you live with the fact that he visited brothels in his past? Has it made you question the person you fell in love with? Has it caused some trust issues? If you can put it behind you and trust that hes not that person anymore then maybe just leave the issue alone. But if its really bothering you and you feel you need some clarity on the subject in order to carry on in the relationship you need to try and discuss this with him and explain the feelings it has brought up for you. Hope you get through this issue one way or the other.
Worldwide, 1 in 15 prostitutes are trafficked / slaves.
The AVERAGE age prostitutes start is 13.
80% of prostitutes have been raped. On average, they are raped 8-10 times per year. They are the most raped class of women in the history of the planet. Anyone want to keep talking about consensual, harmless adult sex in this context?
Aaaand, the pimps are the ones taking home all the money.
Also, 1 in 10 guys have paid for sex. That means 90% never have. And let that sink in… it’s that 10% of guys who are raping all these women. That Guardian article I linked to doesn’t paint a nice picture of them either… they tend to know these women may be slaves and trafficked but don’t care.
Legal brothels in Australia are not the same as child sex slavery in Bangladesh or some other hell hole. I really think that’s a pretty graspable concept. But ok, her husband is a scum of the earth rapist. ????
