Sleeping with the Dog
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I understand wanting to sleep in the same bed as your partner, but are separate beds off the table? He gets to cuddle with his human sized dog, and you get to sleep unbothered by cuddling and the dog. A lot of couples sleep in separate beds. It’s not necessarily a relationship killer.
Eh, I don’t sleep with dogs the size of ponies but I have restless legs and I do better with counter-pressure weight and supportive pillows. I also fall asleep better in a cooler room with the sound of a fan and some white noise. I can adjust for a trip or vacation but in general some people are just more high-maintenance in what it takes to go to sleep.
I’m not ruling out the possibility that he is behaving like a controlling jerk who is emotionally blackmailing the letter writer. Or maybe he is pouting about her desire to trouble-shoot and not put up with being constantly woken up and cuddled with. But he did sleep this way before they met so maybe he might know any other way to fall asleep or feels defensive about the dog?
“I’m trying to figure out how getting the dog out of bed allows for the cuddle time compromise”
Because otherwise he’s sleeping in a separate bed with the dog all night. His position is the dog sleeps where I sleep. And she is saying she won’t sleep with the dog anymore.
So they can’t sleep together.
I mean you had to have known about the dog before you moved in, right? This isn’t new, and it’s not something that should really be changed. The cuddling though, he is being a huge dick if he is sleeping in another room because he can’t cuddle you, but I’m guessing he is sleeping in a different room because of the dog. This guy is going to sleep with this dog in the bed until the dog dies, and you can’t change that until you get another dog after that, and you negotiate your terms!
Forget the cuddling for a moment… you knew the dog slept in his bed with him when you moved in. This is something you should have discussed beforehand.
He’s not handling it well. But you knew the deal.
I’m not an animal person. But then again, I wouldn’t date or live with or marry a man was attached to his dog.
I do agree with others that a larger bed may be a solution?
And I do agree that he’s being a jerk about the cuddling. Not the dog thing though.
thanks for the input everyone. I am a dog lover myself and I actually try very hard to make this work because I understand his feelings. I also have a dog. I trained my dog to sleep on the floor because I knew when the time came to find a partner, that person may find it difficult to share the bed with a woman and a 50lb dog. He, on the other hand, seems to feel his dog sleeping on our bed is more important than my ability to get some sleep.
the dog sleeps on his side of the bed but guys, she is a great dane that is the size of a human. at bed time, she starts off in a small space next to him, and i conscientiously park myself right on the middle line so that i can defensively guard extra space for myself. we fall asleep and eventually through the night, as we all toss and turn, his dog tends to migrate closer and closer to the middle, which pushes his legs over onto my side. eventually I wake up to the covers being taken as they get “sucked” underneath his heavy dog, or my feet hanging off the bed, or just being so close to my edge of the bed that it feels particularly uncomfortable bc i am not able to stretch my legs our or lay flat on my back. So i often wake up in the middle of the night and have to wake him and his dog up to get the covers back or make them move.
then, my dog, who starts off sleeping on the floor, will wake up and try to get on the bed too, which for sure isn’t going to work.
I feel like a sardine crammed in a can and when we still had our own houses it didn’t bother me as much because when i got really tired i could just go sleep at my house alone. now that we live together it’s too much and something has to give.
i like the idea of seeing a therapist about it because i think he needs to hear outside opinions about the fact that a human being getting quality sleep should be more important than a dog sleeping on the bed.“This isn’t new, and it’s not something that should really be changed.”
Then she needs to move out. That is the only solution, if she is not “allowed” to sleep in separate bed without the dog.
I feel you, Lissel. You cannot sleep in the same bed as the dog. Period. Your selfish boyfriend doesn’t give a shit if you can sleep or not, since he whines like a baby about sleeping in separate beds. That’s how much he cares about you.
I realize I am very pissed off about this particular subject. But that’s because it’s SO MEAN to steal someone’s sleep.
As a new mom, I would kill (figuratively) my husband if he stole my precious sleep for his own selfish reasons.
he is not open to getting a king sized bed bc we have a restored older home and the space just doesn’t allow for a king. I’ve been complaining about the dog on the bed since the beginning, and I’ve woken him many nights to make them readjust when i get kicked out of the bed. I also thought I could deal with it better when i had my own place to escape to for sleep. It’s always been a problem but it’s just hit a point where i am too exhausted to handle it anymore. I also wonder what would happen if we ever had kids – I know for sure it would be hard for a pregnant woman to fit comfortably in a bed with that large of a dog there too. i guess i honestly thought that eventually, he would decide that my well being more important enough to compromise with me and make the dog (both of them obviously) sleep on the floor.
I agree, she should probably move out, or shouldn’t have moved in knowing this was the situation. The is one of those times that people think things are magically going to change just because the moved in together, and should have been discussed before hand.
