It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Invested,” who had invested $80K into helping his girlfriend maintain her lifestyle. She then asked him to buy a house for her and her mother and sister. He said he could not afford to pay for an entire house but could contribute $120K, which she thought was not enough. The LW writes: “I offered her a solution: I could pay for a rental apartment for her for one year, and when she finishes her school, we would marry and then move into a house. Now she has cut me off, and she is saying nothing but nasty things about what kind of man I am.
I’m very hurt. I’m actually thinking of seeking a lawyer and suing her for the money and support I have given her these past five years.”
Find out where they stand now:
Let’s say that she came to her senses and I succumbed to her power over me.
We discussed getting a house together, but it seems to me that her words did not match her intentions.
I went back to Canada for a break, and while I was there, I renewed my mortgage and took out a second mortgage on my home to put some money aside for a house in Vietnam.
I discussed the plan with my GF and she was a little supportive knowing that I would cover most of the house and her part would be about 10% of the total. The money was not in place until the middle of October this year, so she had to be patient for a few months, but she was on board with us looking for a place at the beginning of November. So things go as planned and time is ticking away, no worries, and she talks of wedding plans.
About a month ago she comes to me worried about her car, a 2015 Kia. She bought it new; I had given her some money, 5k, to put towards the car. She told me originally that her dad had given her the money but she was short 5k and really wanted this car. So I gave her the 5K and she bought the car. However, later I found out that this was her money and not her dad’s money. I really didn’t care, but I just wondered why she would lie about this.
Anyway, this car was right off the showroom floor, and she takes very good care of her car. It has 12000 kilometres on it, so it is basically brand new. She wants to sell the car before the end of the year because it will be worth less next year. I have no idea about her logic sometimes. She paid 47K USD for this car when she bought it new. I know, cars in Vietnam are stupid expensive and the government throws huge tax on the cars. Given this fact, she thinks she can get 30K before the end of the year, and take a 17K USD hit, a cost of 1.42 USD/kilometer and/or a loss of 410.00/ month.
To me this seems to make no sense in the world to want to sell this car, especially when you can’t afford not to keep the car—a very dumb financial decision.
To continue on with this crazy story: Her insurance runs out in October and she has asked me to cover her insurance. I did say that I would but need to know how much this will cost me, and after she sells her car, if can I get the balance of the insurance back.
She told me that the insurance is 800 US for the year and the insurance will be passed along to the new owner. So of course I question paying 800 USD for her car so thatshe can sell her car to the next person and my 800 USD goes out the window in less than three months. Should I be the goat?
This was brought up early in the morning two days ago. The other day she brought up wedding plans and what I should rent and how she should get a dress, which was a great indication that she wants our wedding.
The additional kicker to my situation is that she wants to buy a new 2019 Honda Civic at a cost of 60K USD, which will bring her bank account down to 10K. It’s like this stupid Civic is a dream car for her, and this is the car she will keep for five years. Yes—and then a Camry and then a BMW and next and next, the madness will continue.
So now this knocks my portion for the house up to basically 100%.
I’m a little reluctant to commit to anything, much lesxsome insurance. So as opposed to taking her word for things, I get on the internet and call some insurance companies and arrange a meeting for the three of us. I approach my GF and tell her the good news; she ponders a second and then makes some rude comment about my being a loser and not keeping my word. From there she gets up and starts packing her bags as if to leave. I’m saying wait a minute and what is all the fuss; I reach over to grab things back out of her bag and she grabs my hand and chomps done on my thumb like she would like to bite my thumb off.
I step back and try to remain calm, telling her that for her own safety she is not going anywhere and to sit down and when she is calm she can get her things and leave but only when she has calmed down. I then get slapped numerous times across the face, full on swings, and get kicked several times as well. When she realized that she had gotten her point across, she lay down in bed and started to sob.
I felt bad for her, so I tried to comfort her after, even after being beaten up without any retaliation from me and my only allowing her to slap, kick, and bite me at will.
Battered and bruised both emotionally and physically, I went off and bought us both some food and visited the insurance company. To my surprise, I learned a lot.
The insurance cost is not 800 USD but is 400. They can allow me to buy a policy for a year and, once I sell the car, I can sell the car with the insurance and add that value to the new owner or cancel the insurance and they will refund the unused portion. I was so happy knowing all this new information that I walked back over to discuss it all with my GF.
She first decided that she was hungry and accepted the food I had brought in for her and I noticed that she had calmed down a little.
I then explained my visit to the insurance company. Her reply was very short and angry: This is not a true number, we tried them last year, you don’t know anything about insurance, after which she decided to put me on silent for the balance of the day until the next morning. She slept on one side of the bed while I slept on the other side of the bed, and she absolutely refused to come near me.
I had a meeting early the next day, so I got out of bed and hopped into the shower, got dressed, and headed to my meeting. As I was leaving, my GF got up, said nothing, and went into the bathroom for a shower.
I gave the insurance agent my GF’s telephone number and asked her to call my GF and explain our options so she can hear that my words are true. The insurance agent called back and said that she would not answer the phone after numerous attempts which I guess did not surprise me. So I have my meeting and get back to the apartment we were staying in, and she is gone and headed back home. She won’t answer her phone, and I am sitting here wondering what the hell I did wrong.
Honestly, I am really perplexed as to what did I do to deserve the abuse I just survived and I am absolutely crushed.
Thanks for listening; it’s good to get this off my chest.
I guess you probably should have followed my advice.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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