Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “They Were On a Break” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “They Were On a Break” whose letter we read on Friday. She was upset that her boyfriend of six months was going on a pre-planned two-week vacation with his ex. She wrote: “I told him I was done and that I felt that the whole situation was too much for me. He has since written me a letter expressing he is in love with me — yet still planning on heading on the trip. I am feeling a bit out of sorts here, not sure if I am blowing up something potentially amazing due to timing.”

Keep reading to see if she had second thoughts about the breakup.

We went out to dinner two nights before they left. He was evading any direct questions about the trip. I got the feeling a lot of things were not adding up. I hate to admit it, but I was social media sleuthing on the way home. I accidentally hit the “wave” button on her social media (didn’t know it was “a thing” before that night). Well she waved back, and she immediately called to ask him who I was and why I was waving. Flurry of crazy followed: I refused to answer his onslaught of calls, and he (assuming she and I were talking) told her everything. Apparently they were not on a break. She is/was his girlfriend and he had, as you predicted, been playing both of us. She immediately canceled their trip and him. I’m in shock that I could have been so blind and wish I had never been dragged into this situation. But at least I didn’t waste any more time, and hopefully the truth will help all injured parties to move on faster.

 
I know this isn’t meant to be funny and that your feelings are hurt, and I’m sorry about that, but it’s kind of ridiculous that a “wave” on social media is what finally released the truth. I’m glad you re free of this dirtbag, and I hope you don’t blame yourself or waste too much time feeling upset about it. Onward!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

15 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Northern Star March 12, 2018, 2:01 pm

    I actually didn’t see that ending coming—but yeah, people who are “on a break from their girlfriend” or “separated but still living together for the sake of the children” or “in a dead marriage” are people you shouldn’t date.

    Lesson learned the hard way. At least you are both free now.

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    • avatar

      MMR March 12, 2018, 2:20 pm

      Yes!!!!!!!!!!

      “Their marriage had been over for years” is the most enraging, self-deceiving excuse that has ever existed. If the marriage was over, it would be, you know… over.

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    • avatar

      Jill March 12, 2018, 5:10 pm

      My parents are still legally married, but they live completely separate lives. Divorce is hella expensive and they can’t afford it. I know another couple (parents of a friend) who have been separated but not divorced for nearly two decades.

      But I think in 95%+ of situations, you’re totally right.

      Reply Link
      • othy

        othy March 13, 2018, 10:49 am

        My aunt and uncle were separated (and living on opposite coasts) for about 10 years. He started seeing someone else, and immediately contacted a divorce lawyer to finally sort out his situation because it was important for his new relationship.

        If a relationship is important enough to someone, they will make it clear through their actions.

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  • MaterialsGirl

    MaterialsGirl March 12, 2018, 2:05 pm

    woah.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    LisforLeslie March 12, 2018, 2:21 pm

    You trusted your instincts and you were totally right. Give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing the red flags and whatever chocolate, ice cream, alcohol treat for finding out you were dating a loser and that you were the unwitting other woman.

    Dude wanted his cake and now has no cake.

    Mmmm… cake

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  • avatar

    JD March 12, 2018, 2:24 pm

    Who knew wave was a thing but so weird that she see’s this and her first thought is to ask her BF who it is. If some human, woman, whatever, waved at me I’d never go to my husband and say “who is this?”

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    • avatar

      MissD March 12, 2018, 3:08 pm

      Well, if LW is friends with the dude on Facebook, then his girlfriend would have seen that he was a mutual friend.

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      • avatar

        JD March 12, 2018, 3:17 pm

        Ah ya, see this is why we barely use Facebook.

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    • avatar

      anonymousse March 12, 2018, 6:29 pm

      Maybe this is a frequent occurrence with him.

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      • avatar

        bondgirl March 12, 2018, 8:00 pm

        I’d def bet on that.

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  • avatar

    Lucy March 12, 2018, 4:07 pm

    Well. I guess that wave feature *is* good for something after all.

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  • avatar

    Lisa March 12, 2018, 5:45 pm

    Oh girl this same thing happened to me, don’t feel bad. I was dating a guy for four months. During that time he spent the last two months, at my apartment every night, during the week. He had his clothes there. But he was always “busy” on the weekends, he said he went home to visit family, and had an ailing Mother. During that time he also told me he had a trip planned to Ireland, solo, hmmm. . . When he was on the trip, I located a post on his social media that was odd. Who was taking the picture? I glanced at his friends list, and the top friend was you guessed it another girl with him in Ireland. She had changed her profile picture. I let him play the game. And when he got back I let him have it. I showed him the pictures, and he was literally in shock. He had never been caught like that before. I blocked, him threw him out and never saw him again. He did however try to contact me for almost two years after that, via other means, like work email. I finally last week blocked him on the last means possible, linked in. I had never responded to any but he would not stop. I did tell th girl, I was nice, I sent her a message. She never responded, but I sure hope she did not stay with him.

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  • Cleopatra_30

    Cleopatra_30 March 12, 2018, 6:58 pm

    Oh my god, literally had my mouth open. DAMN

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  • avatar

    JD March 12, 2018, 7:40 pm

    I did actually once tell a woman about her boyfriend but he was not someone I ever dated and was literally stalking me. While finding his info for the restraining order paperwork I found I’m in a relationship with her and pics of her and his young kids and thought she should know. She didn’t believe me, stupid, so i sent her all his threatening emails. He sent one more threatening my life and never heard from him again and didn’t end up having to go to court. What a psycho that guy was. I truly hope she left him as he was so unstable and she had young children.

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