AKchic_
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I’m sure I’ve posted this before, but I will post this again… just in case:
RESOURCES:
. http://www.thehotline.org/
There are 5 types of actions or behaviors specific to Domestic Violence by the Abuser to the “Victim”
Financial/Social, Emotional, Sexual, Physical, & PsychologicalThere are 60 behaviors on this list:
1. belittling (E)
2. isolating (E)
3. dominating (PSY)
4. possessiveness (PSY)
5. extreme jealousy (PSY)
6. controlling finances (PSY)
7. slapping (PH)
8. kicking (PH)
9. punching (PH)
10. hitiing (PH)
11. choking (PH)
12. burning (PH)
13. shaking (PH)
14. shoving (PH)
15. threats with weapons (EM)
16. making accusations (EM)
17. manipulating with lies (EM)
18. threats of suicide (EM)
19. making all decisions (EM)
20. demanding attention (EM)
21. blaming (EM)
22. accusations of flirting or looking at others (EM)
23. harassing (EM)
24. intimidating (EM)
25. interrogating repeatedly (EM)
26. ignoring (EM)
27. humiliating (EM)
28. withholding affection (EM)
29. breaking possessions (EM)
30. hurting pets (PH)
31. labeling as stupid/crazy (EM)
32. name calling (EM)
33. screaming (EM)
34. threats and violence (EM)
35. put downs (EM)
36. threats of abuse (EM)
37. yelling (EM)
38. continuous critizing (EM)
39. insulting values (EM)
40. insulting life choices (EM)
41. insulting family (EM)
42. degrading you in public (EM)
43. cutting/scratching (PH)
44. attack with weapon (PH)
45. hitting with objects (PH)
46. restraining (PH)
47. pushing/throwing (PH)
48. hair pulling/cutting (PH)
49. pinning down (PH)
50. throw objects (PH)
51. punching walls (PH)
52. arm twisting (PH)
53. biting (PH)
54. spitting (PH)
55. mind games (PSY)
56. humiliation (PSY)
57. silent treatment (PSY)
58. stalking (PSY)
59. surveillance (PSY)
60. making you think you are crazy/telling others you are crazy (PSY)
*hug*
I feel the same way some days. Sometimes, there are just times where I can’t figure out the absolute best way to go about something and I can’t consult my in-person circle of people, so I turn to the DW community. The DW community isn’t as “invested” in my life as someone here within my in-person community would be.
We’ve become a great support network for each other.
I followed from The Frisky. I found you on The Frisky because I was bored and had read all of the Dear Prudie backlog and googled “Advice Columns” and you popped up.
With my first marriage, I had no choice in the matter. I had to change my last name. But, we all know my 1st husband was a major dick.
My 2nd marriage – I changed my last name in order to get rid of my last name from my 1st marriage. It was so uncommon (I was one of 4 women with that last name with that spelling in the state, and the only one with that first name) that I HAD to get rid of it. My 2nd husband had a very common last name (much like my maiden name).
Now that I’m getting married again, we discussed it (argued it, really). He wanted me to change my name to his, but there are NO females with his last name in the state, and there are only 3 people in the state with his last name. Him, his brother and our son (his and mine, not his brother and mine). With my 1st husband still attempting to track every move I make, and checking the vital statistic listings for weddings in the paper (yeah, they still post those) to track all the ex-girlfriends and me to see if we’ve had name changes to follow, plus my career, I don’t want to change my name again. I don’t want to go back to my maiden name because of old associations with it (especially since I’m now actively in a career that is 180’d from that association). Plus, I really hate his last name.
The few family members that I’ve spoken with on the subject are confused, yet supportive. I spoke with my 2nd ex-husband and asked him if it’s okay if I keep his last name. It’s so common that he really doesn’t care. He did make a joke or two about it, and I told him to keep it to himself because it’s a sore subject. I’m sure there will be complaints from his side of the family, but oh well.
