becboo84
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@Northern, as a FYI, since it’s obviously not relevant to my post, softball coaches only have to go through background checks if they’re competing in USA softball sanctioned tournaments. These are coaches at a private training facility who obviously didn’t go through background checks or the individual with two felonies presumably wouldn’t have passed…
I don’t know if this is because I only have friends other people view as “hyper vigilant,” but a lot of people I know check driving records of people who might be transporting their kids, ask before play dates if the owners have guns or pools, etc, and I have literally never had a second thought on whether that was strange. I also check the sex offender registry every couple of months, and when I learned the other day that an offender who had assaulted a nine old girl had moved in down the street from our friends, I let them know straight away , and again, consider that a normal part of parenting in this day and age.
@anon, I guess we can agree to disagree. I absolutely do not think it’s weird to look at the driving records of individuals who might be transporting your children, and as a parent, I would be doing a disservice to my kids if I wasn’t vigilant. And unfortunately, “knowing” someone well is no indication of whether they are a safe driver/not a sexual predator/etc.
I absolutely get that many people on this forum thought it was weird/inappropriate to look up someone’s driving record before making arrangements with them, and I will certainly keep that in mind moving forward. To reiterate, I was NOT trying to check a criminal record, but it is the exact same search feature. If I enter my name, the speeding ticket I got in 2004 pops up.
So this became a much bigger hot button post that I had initially intentioned. My original question was literally whether or not I should pass along this pretty alarming information about someone who is kind to my daughter and my daughter really cares about, but I thought she might not be aware of.
I do not have concerns regarding whether or not it would have been appropriate to ask MB to watch our kiddos for a few days, and to reiterate again, this was in no way a background check. This was literally information that is available by entering someone’s name on our county courthouse website, and we were looking for driving related information. I am not sure the “average Joe” knows how easy it is to access it, but it is not overly invasive, and I do not think it was inappropriate to look it up prior to asking (I have taken note of the fact though that many people did feel this was inappropriate and will consider that moving forward).
It also had never occurred to me to mention something to their place of employment.
I am (unfortunately) nearly 100% positive that it is the boyfriend. He has an unusual last name, and an unusual spelling of his first name.
The boyfriend is not a regular trainer at the facility my daughter goes to, but he has co-led some agility classes there with MB that my daughter has taken, which she has enjoyed, and both of them have always been very kind to her and gone out of their way to chat her up if we see them outside of the training facility. So basically, while I was planning on asking MB to watch her, I would have certainly not had a problem with the boyfriend watching them or giving them rides at times she was not available, or staying the night. I feel as though that’s pretty standard when you’re dealing with an adult “babysitter” as opposed to a teenager, or at least it was standard when I was in my early 20s and used to babysit before I had my own kids.
And, I personally really don’t think it’s weird to look up the driving records of individuals we were considering asking to watch our kiddos for a few days before asking them. Given that it’s fairly easy to access, I don’t feel that it’s an invasion of privacy, but I do recognize that I may need to rethink this one since I’m definitely in the minority.
@Keyblade: my husband is definitely not an intimidating guy! He works for a nonprofit, volunteers for some local campaigns and is a youth sports coach. Previously, he just happened to work for a company that did background checks and learned a few sleuthing tips 🙂
I definitely hadn’t thought about the skeeviness factor of feeling like someone was watching you, so thank you everyone for that feedback!
And thank you @Copa for not thinking we’re total creeps… we always look up the driving records of anyone who is transporting our kids, especially if they’re younger, and I’d never really thought it was weird.
@Copa, it’s not hard to find if you’re on the county records database, but I’m not sure it would come up in a generic google search. My husband was really just checking to make sure there were no major driving offenses (excessive speed, etc), and then these two felony assault records popped up on the same records link, along with a couple of misdemeanor DUIs. I haven’t dated anyone new since early 2005, so I’m not sure what kind of sleuthing is standard now with new dates.
@JD, I was certainly not assuming MB would want to watch our kiddos, but I had been thinking of asking since she knows them both and is wonderful with kids. Obviously, given that we are going to be out of town for four nights, this is not the typical “babysitting” gig where we’d find a late high school/early college student. We need someone a little bit older and more responsible.
We are obviously no longer considering asking MB to watch our kiddos while we’re out of town. And this was NOT a background check… you need fingerprints and an ID to run a formal background check, and you’d need signed consent. This was all information available via public records through our county courthouse’s website.
My concern at this point was whether I should anonymously say something to MB with the thought that she might not be aware of the assault felonies.
Personally, I know that I would always want to know, whether it was this, or my spouse cheating, etc, although I recognize that many people don’t feel that way, which is why I was reaching out for feedback.
Glad you decided to watch your nephew! When I was 21-23, our nephew (husband’s brother’s son) stayed the night with my husband and I twice a week every week from the time he was 4 weeks old to 2.5 years old, and it really only stopped because I gave birth to our daughter and we moved about an hour away. Sometimes this was tough… I was finishing grad school, we were both working full time, etc, but at the end of the day, our nephew (and by extension his parents, who ended up separating and then divorcing shortly before he turned 1) needed us, and those needs surpassed our own needs for a little R&R.
It has been a long time since I have been this disgusted with a LW. Newsflash, OP, all kids are basically assholes at various times, some more than others. They’re selfish, lack impulse control, etc, which is all totally age appropriate. You, however, are well past the age where that kind of behavior can be explained away, so the most likely explanation is that you are a miserable, toxic human being. Your boyfriend’s daughter, as well as your own children most likely, are much better off with you out of the picture.
This sucks, and they are very much trying to screw you over, but from everything you’ve said, it’s beginning to look either like they’re trying to build a case to dismiss you (I don’t know if where you work is “at will” or whether they would need legitimate reason), or are very concerned about your absence as it pertains to the new account they just won. Regardless, I would try and schedule another in-person meeting with your direct supervisor.
As a smaller company, they probably don’t have a formal policy on working remotely, and while management have more discretion, your peers were likely starting to complain. And although you negotiated the 22 days of personal time very fairly (although I agree with Kate that for 12 of the days there is enough ambiguity they could say they were actually sick days to be used “at your discretion.”), my personal policy has always been to not request any vacation days or anything “special” (like working remotely from out of the country) during the first six months in a new job.
On a final note, I would absolutely not call in sick when you’re visiting your SO out of the country. That will likely come back to bite you in the butt, and at a minimum, you will severely damage your standing with the company.
Best of luck, and I hope you are able to reach a fair resolution with your employer. My now husband and I were long distance for just around a year shortly after we started dating, and I understand how very challenging it can be.
