bethany
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I love this!! I also love hearing about everything you’ve gone through, since my good friend is in a similar situation- it helps me relate to her a little better.
Temperance- I was also a first and last namer in high school! People called me Beth Lastname. Most people call me Bethany now, but I think that high school name is part of why I clung to my maiden name.
LBH- I was offended by it because the way they were all “HI MRS HISLASTNAME” made me feel like I should be honored to take their name, like I was somehow trading up, and MY family wasn’t as good as theirs, and it pissed me the fuck off. That’s just me though… I know plenty of people who were super excited to change their name, and that’s great for them. I support my friends who were happy to change their names. I’m sure my in laws didn’t mean anything by it, and they assumed I was happy to take their name, but I just think something as personal as a name shouldn’t be something you’d assume about anyone.
How often do people actually say your last name socially though?
The only time this has ever come up was when people called me “Mrs Hislastname” right after we got married, in a joking way. I actually was pretty bitchy in my response to that… I simply said, “Well, not legally” and that shut people up pretty quickly.
Lyra– Every time I say my new last name I question it in my head!! I’m scared I’ll pronounce it wrong, too!
Once I found DW I went back and read City Wendy from the beginning… I felt a little creepy about it, but it was awesome seeing Wendy go from single girl in the city to clearly in love in an LDR, then moving to NYC!
Guy– I think you’re underestimating most of us. I read this whole thread, and I don’t think any of us said anything like “anytime a guy has any feeling about it besides “Oh, sweetie, whatever you want is fine with me,” we get labeled as chauvanist pigs who want to treat our wives like dining room sets or car”
My husband wanted me to change my name for the same reasons you did. I imagine the logic behind it was similar to why I wanted a diamond engagement ring… I always pictured having one and for some reason that meant something to me.
I don’t think my husband is a pig because he wanted us to share a name, just like he didn’t think I was a spoiled brat for wanting a diamond. We compromised. I got my ring, but he’s made it clear he will never purchase another diamond for me. I changed my name, but I kept my maiden name as my middle name and still go by it at work and in some social situations.
As others above have mentioned, I think it’s wonderful that we have the option to do whatever we want. I think it’s awesome when people change their names. If my mom hadn’t, I might not have the awesome Maiden name that I love so much. I love when a husband and wife both change their names to something that’s inclusive of both of them, and I fully support women who keep their names, and the men who have to endure all this drama just as much as we do!
mf- I do the same thing sometimes 🙂
It makes me happy to know that I’m not the only one who misses their old name.
I hope none of them ever read this forum!!!
I can’t lie… It makes me happy when I get mail addressed to Bethany OldName 🙂
And, for some reason it used to REALLY piss me off when people (especially my husband’s dad and stepmom) called me Mrs. HisLastName. I eventually changed my name, so now that is actually my name, but it just really, really bothered that they just assumed that’s what my name was now that I was married to their son. Instead of saying “Hey Bethany, how are you?” it was “Ooh! Mrs HisLast Name! How are you?” and it irritated me to no end. Actually, even though it’s my legal name, it still bothers me, like they think I should be honored to have their stupid hard to pronounce, long, German name. Uugh.
I miss my old name 🙁
Another CNN-TF-DW.
Yours were really the only columns I read on TF. I haven’t been back to that site in months.
GG– uugh. So lucky. I went from 3 letters to 10, and no one can pronounce my new last name!
I think that was part of why I was hesitant, too! If it was a good name, I might have been more easily convinced.
