bloodymediocrity
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Wait, was I the asshole here?
Yes, it is the people posting here who are easily offended! Of course!
Wow dude.
Wow.
My genuine advice would be to not date someone 19 years younger than you (unless you’re like 70 or 80, then at that point do whatever.) if you want a long term relationship. Asking someone 19 years your junior to commit to someone from a completely different generation in a complete is not a winning prospect for a serious relationship.
There’s also an inherent difference in power dynamic that is inherently icky, but I don’t know if we’re ready for that conversation.
Genuine question: what is it anyone said that you are perceiving as hostile?
You’re responding very defensively to people giving you an honest opinion, and accusing us of gaslighting, which…like…I’m sorry, but we have nothing to gain from gaslighting you. No one here wants to hurt you. We only want to give you an honest estimation of your situation that is present here.
I’ve been here a pretty decently long time, and there have been several regular posters who have come and gone who would occasionally like to dig their nails in. No one here is like that.
So here’s my honest opinion: your aggressive reaction to what people told you here is kind of scary. If she sent you mixed signals in trying to let you down easy, she might have been scared of you.
My dude. No one here is being harsh with you.
I do actually agree with you that you got some mixed signals in the course of the relationship. I definitely sympathize with you. But the whole point of an advice forum is to get the perspective from people who have no stake in the situation and can see the picture more clearly than you, who is clearly in the thick of it.
So to summarize
Yes, you received mixed signals. But there is also one very clear signal being sent that is telling you to move on. She gave you that signal and now all us on randos on this site are also giving you this signal: it’s over. This is your cue to lick your wounds and move on.
I concur with the others.
The bottom line is this: she’s aware that she could be in a relationship with you, but she doesn’t want to be. She might be giving you somewhat conflicted messaging, but it doesn’t matter because at the end of the day she doesn’t want what you want.
Look back on this relationship and figure out what worked and what didn’t work and learn from it. End contact because it doesn’t seem like you’re in a place to even be friends at this point. Be devastated and recover.
This is probably beyond the scope of this forum. I know “therapy” is the generic answer but its the right one. I know its expensive but it may be necessary.
But here’s what we can tell you: all of this is dangerous unhealthy. Your stalking of him every time he leaves, the panic attacks from when he’s not there, his threatening to kill himself if you’re not there. All of this needs to stop.
If therapy is truly absolutely unattainable, you must start making your life more fulfilling without this guy, whether you are broken up or not. Be with friends, find hobbies. Make your life worth living whether the guy is there or not.
If he keeps threatening suicide, tell a trusted member of his family if its an option, and if its not, consult local social services.
I kind of feel like this many problems only three months in to a relationship is not really with the effort. It’s not your responsibility to train him into emotional honesty. It’s ok to just move on.
I agree with Kate here.
Him being broke is the least of the red flags here. I’d be more concerned with how quickly he’s moving on from his ex.
Don’t invest any more time here.
Yeah, his comments suggest a really dim view of women. That’s a bigger issue than catching him staring at your friend.
