Cleopatra_30
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I usually go by what they put on their profile. Some are younger and therefore unsure, so they say ‘maybe,’ but even for me that kind of makes me worry they may change their mind. Most of the guys who don’t want kids are older, mid to late 30’s, then into their 40’s. I find it easier to just look for the guys who say no in their profile, that way I know for sure they don’t want them. But I suppose taking a chance on those who are on the fence is risk I could take. I also assume most guys want kids out here, the rural lifestyle kind of promotes kids and families. So maybe it is an unfair assumption, but I imagine there are very few men who don’t want them, so needle in a haystack.
I could ask my friends if they know any bachelors who don’t want kids, but I try to avoid the friend circle as I like to keep my circles separate. But if I do have too many misses online, friends are a likely option.
Well I got back today from a 6 day backpacking trip and found out the guy I had gone out with a couple times before I left sent me a text whilst I was out of cell reception telling me he wasn’t interested anymore, as he wasn’t feeling like “this” would result in the relationship he is looking for right now. Whatever that means. I hadn’t received the text, even after I got back to cell reception. So I texted him today when I got back in town, and when he finally told me I felt super awkward and embarrassed. I really liked him, I felt we had a ton in common and was looking forward to seeing him when I got back, and we both expressed interest in seeing one another when I was back in town. FFS. Dating this year has just sucked. It is so much harder too when I am looking for someone who doesn’t want kids. I have a good social life to fall back on, but it is just so damn defeating when after 6 months nothing genuine comes up. I blame the city. Calgary sucks for dating. blek.
I once hooked up with a guy who I met through Tinder who ended up being about 50 lbs heavier in person. All his pictures though were of him when he was lighter! He told me via text that he was heavier, but it was ‘mostly muscle.’ Nope, he was significantly heavier and it was mostly fat. Then I saw him on OkCupid when I started my dating sting this year, still using the thinner pictures. Makes me angry that someone can be so deceptive. I get you aren’t what you use to be, but don’t trick people by using old photos. Such a turn off…
Some of the red flags I use when talking with guys online and then via text are, how quickly they get into the conversation of sex, whether the conversations are of actual substance or just mindless banter/topics, and if they start adding you on social media platforms. To me that is rushing things and not really getting a sense for one another. It seems to be the same pattern when I have dated. I look back after the first or second date and realize why it didn’t work, cause those ‘red flags’ for me occurred.
I went on a first date this Thursday for a hike. I drove to the city and we carpooled to the trail. It was a quick 2 hour hike round trip, we spent some time at the top talking, taking pictures and eating. He brought homemade black bean brownies and this Norwegian blueberry juice. So delicious! I enjoyed the hike as much as I enjoyed the conversation/date. I have a week long trip planned for July 1st, so he told me to let him know when I had time beforehand to get together. So we are doing a BBQ at his place tomorrow night 🙂 I am bringing some beer and a dessert as my contribution. I ended up finding a really cute summer dress at Winners today. Gonna wear it and knock his socks off 😛 We had some fun flirting with one another yesterday, so definitely gonna be a fun evening 🙂
@MissDre I totally agree. If my distance is truly an issue I don’t blame any guy for bowing out. I make it known on my profile where I live and that I am outside the city core. So I am transparent. Guess my driving into town to see him made him realize it wouldn’t work.
A big component of his argument was calling himself ‘selfish’ because he wasn’t sure he was okay with me being away and ‘leaving him’ alone on weekends. Again, thinking WAY ahead for him. But I did tell him after hearing everything that he should speak to someone because he will not be able to have a healthy or fruitful relationship or dating life. I think he knows, even before me, that he needs to talk these out. But all on him to make the initiative to do so.
Wow, so crazy update here. My planned date for tonight was cancelled on behalf of him having some serious anxiety/personal issues.
After our impromptu date on Tuesday I texted him the next day and said ‘thanks for a fun night, glad to have finally met you, looking forward to Thursdays date!’ Well he did not respond the way I was hoping, he basically responded very quizzically and expressed that he was a little terrified. I asked terrified of what, and he proceeded to throw all these insecurities on me about us dating. He brought up that I was a 45 min drive away and that he wasn’t sure he potentially fall in love or have a relationship with me when i go ‘camping for days or weeks on end’ (I had a two day camping trip the weekend prior, and mentioned by week long trip to Van Island to do the west coast trail in early July). So this was definitely an eye opener. We talked a bit more and basically he just seems really insecure and has a lot of relationship anxieties. He was overthinking WAY too much for having only met once and talking for a week. It left me mentally drained to say the least because he was overthinking things and I was really bummed because I did like him and we got a long really well during our date and had great physical chemistry. Alas, a HUGE bullet dodged there.
Ugh ghosting. One of the worst things to come out of dating. It can be easy to get caught up in it and wonder what YOU did. Most times it is the guy. But anxiety and insecurities sneak in…
Date update! Ended up seeing the new guy last night! Yesterday was my Birthday and I was supposed to have a softball game, but we got rained out (coincidentally enough I was born on a rainy Thursday, so suiting). New guy mentioned he had an open mic that night and was trying to get his friends to go. So I told him my game was cancelled and he told me to come to the city to see him play. So I did! I met him at his place and we carpooled to the venue (a small tea room). It was fun! Love live acoustic, and he was pretty good live as well 🙂 We left after a few sets and went back to his place for drinks. We did some hot and heavy making out which was really fun 😉 Overall it was great! Felt very natural talking and interacting with him. He was very affectionate, so I know he is definitely into me! We still have our date Thursday for a boardgame cafe.
@Copa oooh new fur baby! A friend of mine seems to have a few kittens for sale/give away. I was very tempted, but with my allergies and being in a home already with two dogs (not mine). Not sure it would be wise at thw moment. But damn…I am sure there will be more kittens in the future!
I ended things with the guy I was seeinf last night. Coming up to 3 months. Definitely trust your gut when it comes to first, second or third dates, or in my case 2.5 months down the line.
I have a first date planned with a guy Thursday. So far chatting has been good. Light and easy. Unfortunately there has been a week between organizing the date and the day itself due to my schedule. So we have chatted about little things here and there. But I still feel there will be plenty to talk about on the date. He is an interesting guy and seems like we have a lot in common interest, personality and morals wise. So hoping for the best!
Thanks for the well wishes on the race! I am looking forward to it 🙂 I will update next weekend when I can.
I am hoping to see Wonder Woman in theatres next week for my bday. Doing the same thing last year, treating myself to dinner and a movie 😛
I am planning on ending things with a guy I have been seeing for a couple months. Recently I have just been feeling ‘meh’ about him, and really don’t see it going past the first couple months. I don’t think the emotional connection is there or could be. Oh well. I am busy for the next month or so and have plenty to keep me busy that I am happy to have more time to myself 😛
My dad is coming to visit me next weekend here out West to watch me do my first half marathon. I almost cancelled it due to Plantar Fascitis, but have managed to heal enough to continue running. I was home for 6 days and got a couple runs in, one 16+ km run and am feeling good! So looking forward to this athletic milestone.
I agree as well. Please make sure you protect yourself and limit any verbal and physical contact to strictly professional. He is acting like nothing happened and trying to keep the fun easy parts of your relationship intact. Maybe even make the move and go to another gym when it is possible. Kudos for telling him to get his own damn Amazon account and declining the graduation ceremony invite. Avoid him at lunch or find a new lunch spot for the next while.
Nip it now while you can so you can avoid the spiral of post breakup bad habits.
Haven’t run into any exes, but within the span of about a week I ran into two guys I hooked up with/went on dates with.
First guy was the one who full on ghosted me after 2 dates last fall. I saw him at a running race earlier this month; and beat him by a minute 😛 I kind of made eye contact with him but not sure if he recognized me. Just made me realize I may bump into him at future races/runs. Fun.
Other guy was one I hooked up with a couple times but declined to continue due to his crazy pant conspiracy theories he explained to me. I was at the Apple store and apparently I walked right by him and he said hi but I didn’t hear or see him. He then came by after and said hi, so no way to avoid that! Had a quick chat and went on our ways.
I am fortunate that any guys I seriously dated are elsewhere. Moving around the country is beneficial in some ways!
