Copa
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I can relate to feeling like I have one foot out the door. I had a very promising interview the week of our holiday party in December. The hiring manager and I all-caps VIBED. I went to our holiday party and in my head I was saying goodbye to my coworkers and thinking how bittersweet it was. The following week, I had my final interview for the job and it was where I learned about the micromanaging and tough environment. And just like that, snapped back to my reality and pulled that foot back in. As long as you’re still getting your work done well and on time, I think it’s fine to periodically check out a little mentally. My two cents.
Guuurl. RUN! What you’ve outlined as though they are minor annoyances are, in fact, huge issues. Your boyfriend does not respect you. You don’t trust him and for good reason. Not to mention that in my experience, men resort to calling a woman crazy when she tries to hold him accountable for his shitty behavior or otherwise has a reaction to his shitty behavior.
I’m just gonna blow past how this reads like you are using work time/tools to essentially online date and assume everything is above board with your employer and that you live within relatively close proximity to one another.
So… no, you should not just focus on looks in dating. Attraction is important, but that’s more than just about looks for most of us. I will say, however, that it doesn’t sound too promising if you saw his IG and didn’t like what you saw to the point that you are concerned about “the ‘look.'”
You seem to be jumping the gun here either way. It doesn’t sound like you’ve met him in person, but talk about loving all his manners and wanting the same things, but you can’t really know much of anything about him until you meet in person. So start there.
*Vitamin D supplement, not C. A lot of people are deficient in it this time of year, if not year round, because of the short, often overcast days. I’m not sure where you live, but if you’re somewhere more temperate and sunny, I’ve read that there are apps that can tell you when to go outside for ~15 minutes to soak up the sun to get your vitamin D naturally.
I will also add, and I don’t mean to imply that this is a cure-all for mental health issues, but if you are not in the habit of exercising, I’d highly recommend it. It helps with depression and anxiety. It doesn’t have to be anything intense, it can be whatever movement feels good to you within your abilities. And I get it, sometimes when we are depressed, the last thing you want to do is get out of bed and go for a stupid walk… you can start small by taking laps around the block.
I’m trying a vitamin C supplement for the first time this year cause I live in Chicago where in the winter it can get (and has been) stupid cold, the skies are often grey, and the days are very short. Will it help? IDK. But I’m someone whose baseline isn’t what I’d call happy but always picks “trying.”
Hitting milestones along society’s prescribed path is over-hyped, IMO. We’re told we’ll be happy when we achieve them — when we get that job or raise, meet a new boyfriend or girlfriend, hit our goal weight, buy that hot ticket item we’ve been eyeing — but they’re often kind of underwhelming. The happiness they can bring is often temporary. “Happy” is not a final destination. There is no one thing you can buy or have in this life that will do it for you forever.
I think the path to happiness varies by person. Like, the idea of getting married, having kids, and living my life in a suburb full of McMansions does not appeal to me. But I have friends living that life and they seem content with it.
Generally speaking I’d say the follow things help everyone with happiness when done in a way that is authentic to the individual:
– Feeling socially connected (having a sense of community, maintaining/building relationships)
– Taking care of yourself in a general sense (eating balanced meals more often than not, prioritizing sleep)
– Having meaningful experiences
– Treating yourself with compassion (giving yourself grace when you mess up, letting yourself be “lazy” in our hustle culture society, speaking kindly to yourself, etc.)
– Seeking optimism (and I do not mean toxic positivity… I hate that shit)And yeah, please do speak with a therapist if you’re not already.
I’ve watched some YouTube videos of Antarctic expedition cruises. There’s a content creator that I follow who used to be one of YouTube’s beauty gurus. I didn’t follow her then, but it’s how she got her start and built her audience. She now uses her platform to show footage of her solo travel (she hypes women up to try it if they’re curious) and photography. She went to Antarctica on a Seabourn cruise and they have expedition submarines. I’m sure it’s at an added cost, and also think I’d be a crybaby sally in a submarine, but the footage looked so cool… passengers are seated in what looks like a glass dome. I keep joking I’d like to go before I need a doctor’s note to do a polar plunge.
I know some comments got deleted, so if I looked like I was talking to myself here earlier… I was not. Haha.
But, anyway, Mel Hamlett is the content creator. She shows up on my FYP often. She said you give “pretty good advice” but if I had to guess she wishes you’d been less compassionate in the delivery. She didn’t so much comment on the advice you gave, just rehashed the letter and gave her own take on why the LW’s boyfriend was a liar and probably still married. ETA: It was this column: https://dearwendy.com/my-boyfriend-is-too-close-to-his-ex-in-laws/
@ktfran I know it’s a ways a way but please report back after Antarctica. I wasn’t that interested in going there until a couple years ago. One of our neighbors just went and said it was incredible.This is the first year in quite a few that we have no warm weather excursions planned for winter and it’s kind of a bummer. Tomorrow’s high of 19 might feel balmy after the past few days, so at least there’s that.
@Rangerchic I also have never found the idea of a cruise appealing, but an Alaskan cruise is one of my two exceptions. (The other would be a cruise to get to Antarctica.) I hope you enjoy and please report back on whether it is worth it.
Mel Hamlett is the creator… not sure her handle or which column it was. After her rant about how the LW was surely dating a liar, she deemed Wendy’s advice “pretty good.”
If I had been a rotten egg in college… I’d probably keep some of those details to myself. But I’d also not be going out for drinks with the guy (as a couple or alone), especially if I eventually wised up to how much internal work I had to do.
I meant to mention… I was scrolling on TikTok the other day, as I do, and a creator who is a journalist who talks a lot on there about decentering men, calling out common trash behavior men will try to get away with, and her own past trauma has started going on advice columns, picking out columns, and reacting (ranting) to the letters. She picked an old DW column recently!
I’d repurchase my Typology products in the following order: lip oil, concealer, serum. I find most lip colors drying but this one isn’t. The color payoff isn’t huge, but I like that. The concealer is the reason I pulled the trigger to begin with and it’s a nice product but the tube packaging seems like a mess waiting to happen. The serum, I feel like there are similar products that have more shades available out there. I’d give their skincare products a try.
