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Happy to share tips as I go and when I’m back! Right now I’m learning that some of the more desirable ryokans book up early, if something like that is on your radar. We got literally the last room left in the ryokan we’re staying at in Miyajima (which I’m pumped about in part because they let you pick your yukata color/pattern on check-in) and a lot of the places I reached out to over the past few days by email were already booked up. Since it’s a small island, I was getting a little worried that my dream of an overnight stay to enjoy the island in the relative stillness of evening and morning wouldn’t come true. Hakone has a ton of ryokans and my first two choices and the one my HS friend stayed at with her family last month are both already booked solid for November, which is when we’ll be there. I’m sure we’ll find something there — we’ll have more time to devote to it this weekend — but I’d err on the side of booking accommodations early if you plan to stay outside of cities or somewhere that has a traditional feel.
We’re getting JR Rail Passes and you can get those about six months out. We’ll be getting ours as soon as my passport is back from renewal. I think for most travelers, it’s absolutely worthwhile unless you plan to stay relatively put in one place or can easily get to whatever excursions you have in mind on commuter train.
The HS friend I’ve mentioned, their daughter is six. She LOVED the aquarium in Osaka and they found some craft classes to take as a family. She’s not a picky eater so they were able to eat some nice kaiseki dinners as a family. (I would have never eaten those things at six!) Happy to ask her more about what was kid/family friendly for them if you are interested!
We’re still figuring out the details but we’re trying to cram a lot into two weeks. The boyfriend has never been so we want to do some of the typical first-time tourist stuff, but I also want to revisit some old haunts that the average tourist would likely skip unless they had a lot of time. Right now we’re planning to spend a couple days in Tokyo, a few nights in Hiroshima (one on Miyajima, the small island I mentioned), then a handful of nights in Kyoto (from which we can do day trips around the Kansai region), and the grand finale will be a couple nights in an onsen town (likely Hakone since it is the closest to the airport of the areas we’re looking). Two weeks initially felt like a lot of time to be on vacation until I started adding up the places I hope to visit.
March is a great time to go since the cherry blossoms may be blooming!
A friend of mine from HS there recently went with her husband and daughter, so I reached out to ask her for any tips. She mentioned she saw online that in the year 2000, when we were residents, there were 660,000 foreign tourists who visited Japan while last year, that number was 6 million. I remember a lot of the religious sites feeling so peaceful but unsure if they’ll be crowded now. I think spring is more popular for tourism since so many people want to see the cherry blossoms, but it’s pretty temperate in many areas of the country throughout the colder months and I’m hopeful we’ll get some bold fall colors.
Also, I had a tough time finding clothes large enough to fit me by the time I got to HS. I’m just under 5’3″ and probably weighed like 110 lbs back then. Insane! The boyfriend felt tall when we went to Oaxaca a couple years ago and I assume he’ll have that same experience in Japan. He’s just shy of 5’10”, so about average in height for a white American guy.
Off topic but felt like sharing since I am excited and cannot share this with enough people (ha). We booked a trip to Japan for fall! I lived in a couple different cities there in middle and high school and haven’t been back since (that’s 20 freakin’ years!). I was SO homesick — dare I even say this was the first time I felt heartbroken — when we moved back to the U.S with about a year of high school left. We wanted to visit in fall 2020, but that obviously didn’t happen. Then it was closed to tourism, then only group tours allowed in, then we had to prioritize spending on other things, etc. But it’s finally happening! I booked a traditional inn last night on a small island that felt magical to me as a tween and teen… I hope it still feels that way as an adult. Also hoping to get a couple nice meals in while we’re there since the yen is so in our favor right now.
You need to talk to your doctor! This isn’t the kind of thing to poll internet strangers about.
At least some of the food bloggers (and “influencers”) I follow kind of fell into their online careers. They started food blogs as a hobby and eventually they took off enough to make that their full-time jobs. Which reminds me, I also like Downshiftology! She went from corporate burnout to food blogger when she realized the impact a high stress lifestyle had on her health and how whole, nutrient dense foods (and slowing down) can be healing. So there’s always the hobby-to-career pipeline, @ktfran!
My doctor recently recommended the Mediterranean Diet to me after my bloodwork had a couple panels that were elevated over my last visit. Trying to incorporate that about 80% in my life atm.
I, too, love Love and Lemons. The woman behind it actually lives in my neighborhood and I’ve wondered before if I’d recognize her if I ever saw her. I also like Cookie and Kate for whole food/vegetarian recipes.
I have The Complete Mediterranean Cookbook by America’s Test Kitchen and it has a lot of good recipes and info. Some are a bit more time consuming, but they call out recipes that are quick to make.
One of my good friends is a registered dietitian and is a fan of The Defined Dish.
I had dinner at my cousin’s house two nights ago and she told me about The Real Food Dietitians. She is currently breastfeeding and has had to eliminate dairy, gluten, and soy to try to troubleshoot some issues her infant is having. That website lets you filter recipes by meal, dietary restriction, cooking method, etc. She made a salad from that site and it was delicious even without cheese. I plan to take a closer look when I get home from my work trip.
I’m a little older than you, a middle-of-the-pack millennial. I get it. It often feels like boomers benefited from systems that they then fucked up for the rest of us. Life is really expensive — the cost of education, housing, childcare, etc. are all out of control — and wages haven’t kept up. Many of us listened to the advice of our parents when we were teenagers only to come out the other side with degrees that buried us alive in student loan debt and poor job prospects. Some of the things I’ve heard older folks say about people in my general age range feel beyond out of touch. Some of the advice I’ve gotten about how to find new, better-paying jobs over the years was laughable (e.g., don’t apply for jobs online, print and mail your resume). Anyway, yes, things suck. I can understand why you’d feel so bleak about the future.
But, I think you need to change your mindset a bit. Right now you’re bitter, telling yourself what you’ll never have. And again, I get it, but if you can focus on how you can pivot, you may be happier. Maybe that’s a master’s degree. Maybe that’s looking for a different way or environment to use your current skillset. I don’t know anything about your field so I can’t offer concrete solutions.
I’m someone who went straight from undergrad to grad school. I was making decisions of impact at 21. I hadn’t yet worked full-time, didn’t know much about the “real” world, and if I’m being honest, barely knew myself. I was in large part relying on the advice of others in my decision-making. Things started off shaky in my mid-20s because I had to do what I’m recommending you do — be creative in how I used my background to find a path that felt true to me and paid me enough to live comfortably — but by now, I feel ok about how things have worked out… but I know that if I’d had full-time work and real-world experience before making any kind of post-grad education decisions, I would’ve chosen a different path. I’d have been better equipped to understand realistic employment outcomes. I’d have been better able to research the true ROI of different degree programs now that my blinders off about how universities operate. Now that I am out from under my student loans, I can appreciate why you would want to stay debt-free, but I think with proper research and understanding, some debt to go back to school isn’t the worst thing. (Like yeah, it’d be better if it was very affordable, but that’s not our reality.)
“People always suggest therapy, but I can’t afford this.”
Many therapists offer sliding scale fees to help accommodate people whose treatment is not covered by insurance or who would otherwise have a cost barrier to access. I hope you will look into this. I’m not a mental health professional of any kind but I think you need to find a psychiatrist who can prescribe you something or even get you into some kind of in-patient treatment center.
IMO it sounds like you both have some pretty serious mental/emotional health issues. None of this is normal or healthy.
This is the second letter I can recall on this site about a massage therapist wanting to date a client, so I guess this is a thing.
Anyway, don’t do it. Odds are high that he is only being friendly to you, someone who provides him with a service on a regular-ish basis and is friendly to him. It’d be uncomfortable, unprofessional, and you’d risk losing your job/this income. It’s not worth it. I agree that if you really must see if he reciprocates feelings, you cannot do so while he is a client.
If you are single and looking, check out the dating sites and apps. Keep an eye open for singles events near you.
So, your SO’s lies aren’t the kind I was expecting (i.e., deceit, manipulation, or betrayal). This is a communication problem, not really an honestly problem. If I had to guess, their difficulty with communicating difficult feelings stems from their family of origin and would take active effort to unlearn. But on the flip side, maybe they need time to process before they can talk about what’s going on but it sounds like you expect an explanation on your timeline and terms. IMO you seem a bit controlling (forcing them to block an another person on social media was out of bounds).
This sounds like a lot for three months in. I don’t think you should issue an ultimatum. Is your partner in therapy? Are you? If you don’t want to end things I suppose you could work on your communication but I don’t think it bodes well that it’s this hard so early on. I’d walk away.
Also, Bumble rolled out a verification feature when I was on it years ago (2018). It has maybe changed, but back then it would compare your face in real time to the photos that you used and prompt you to make certain “poses,” like giving a thumbs up. If you are worried about catfishing, fake profiles, and scammers, verify your own profile and only swipe right on anyone who has done the same.
There are a lot of common sense practical steps you can take to have a better experience online dating.
I hope Drew is on the mend! I’m glad you were able to take a step back to be with your family and hopefully prioritize yourself as well during a stressful period of life.
