hfantods
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Thanks @Cleo! How are things going with your guy? Also I’m just wondering, on a separate topic, when you were living with your parents, how did you deal with dating? My parents were pretty strict in high school (though I didn’t have any reason to test their limits) and they have chilled since then, but I don’t want to, like, disrespect them (which I haven’t done at all) while living in their house.
How did your date go with A.T. last night @Copa? I hope it helped take your mind off everything.
FWIW, a lot of engineers I know always want to *fix* things and sometimes it’s productive but sometimes I just want to chat. /generalizing! M.G. is an engineer and he’s fine so far on that front.
Hahaha, @LadyE, I love the idea of a Traumedy Bonfire! I think I would’ve ended up Converses but I also have a limited fashion sense.
On our date Friday night M.G. brought up that we’ve been dating for almost two months and sweetly asked if I expected that this would go on for two months. I said I didn’t know because I didn’t have many expectations going into this, in a good way (because in mind I’m like because this is online dating!). He said he really enjoyed the last two months with me and is looking forward to seeing where this goes. I said ok and then a “me too”.
I know we skirted the exclusivity issue. I’ve essentially said here I was still figuring out my feelings on him (but it is trending towards a yes right now) but part of me thinks if we can just say we are exclusive, it’ll be easier for me to be more vulnerable and feel my feelings. Slash maybe I just want to know he isn’t seeing other women? I don’t think he is but I have no idea. Is that messed up?
I think this is coming from a place of a colleague of mine started dating a guy from online a month before me and I’m just comparing timelines of everything, and *that* I know is stupid. We had a colleague’s wedding last night and it was lovely. But it’s a small workplace and everybody is up in everybody’s business (coming from a good place, mostly, since many are personal friends), and it’s like ahhhggg.
Fuck, I’m sorry, @copa.
ETA: at least you can trust your gut, but being anxious won’t change someone’s feelings. And I guess it’s good he didn’t ghost but it still sucks.
Yeah, I didn’t like the word back-up but ok, I see where you’re coming from. Well, definitely enjoy tomorrow night!
I prefer fewer texts too and M.G. was a more frequent texter. Lately it’s been a bit longer between texts but I really think (hope) he’s trying to mirror my frequency and not overwhelm me. So I think that’s what your guy is doing too! I’ve also tried to text a bit more too, like when I think about him during the day.
@TheHizzy, I’m sorry to hear about your back surgery. Hope you continue to have a smooth recovery.
@Copa, aw, C.T. sounds nice! Have you decided about seeing A.T. Saturday yet? Is there any part of you that you want A.T. as “back up” in case C.T. doesn’t work? I don’t think it’s leading A.T. on per se, since you’ve both been traveling, but it does sound like you’d rather pursue things with C.T. only.
@MissDre, I love that you are happy! And ooh, over the knee boots, I’ve only JUST started eyeing them. There are some classy ones out there, haha. Then again I’m just under 5’1″ so it might be too much boot for my height.I don’t talk much about work here, but it’s been stupidly busy lately and I’m legitimately stressed out and overwhelmed. I am just trying to get through this week but there’s just so much to catch up on because of this week.
I’m still seeing M.G. (he works in the mining industry, hence Mining Guy, but it’s such a weird nickname!). It’ll be 8 weeks Saturday. We’ve been seeing each other about once a week too, but we met up yesterday for a walk by the lake which was really nice. So I think we are at date 13, but I did stop counting at date 10, LOL. We text every day, basically a few paragraph-long exchanges each day. My friends/friends of friends and I have been planning a fall cottage weekend for a couple months. I decided to invite him, partly because I didn’t want to go another weekend without seeing him, and he was happy to accept. This was the furthest in advance I/we have planned anything (a week and a half!).
Since this is my longest lasting “relationship” ever, and ever since that verbal vomit of date 4, I’m hesitant to starting a DTR or exclusivity talk. I’m still figuring out what exactly is a “relationship”. I still want to continue dating him, but I don’t know if *I* am ready to put labels on things. I’m not seeing anyone else. I sometimes swipe, but less often nowadays, and nobody catches my eye — so that is kind of indeterminable.
I sometimes wonder if I think I like him because he says he likes me and is kind, goofy and intelligent — but don’t all these things factor somewhere? I think his “love language” is physical touch, and it’s different for me, but nice. This is a little TMI but even though we haven’t had sex, he’s a “generous lover” and it’s fun. So it’s a mix of hormones and lust and it’s a little confusing. I have these feelings of doubt, but then when I see him I’m all nervous (in a good way) and happy to see him. And I wonder if he likes me because I suspect I’m the first woman he’s met after moving from a remote region of Canada.
I think I know what you guys are going to say. I think deep, deep down I kind of know. But I also really just want to continue seeing him and get to know him, have fun, experience more things, and see where it ends up, until one of us knows for sure we don’t want to see each other anymore or if we really aren’t on the same level.
Wishing you a quick recovery @thehizzy.
Dinner with his friends went well I think. It was really nice meeting them and they were friendly. His buddy took the bill and was really insistent on paying — I think he also wanted to do something for guy’s birthday. I literally handed him cash in the right amount (always carry cash!) but he refused. I think he appreciated my sincerity though.
Yes, multiple times! I’ve been pretty good with keeping it even because I hate owing people things. When we went out to a more expensive meal I suggested we split it because I felt that was more fair. Of course I’m good with paying. I don’t even know why I wrote that. I think just on a social level in groups, I feel awkward speaking up and saying I’ll cover this.
How was your date with AT, @copa?
@ver, sounds lovely! I’m afraid the leaves will fall before they turn red here in Ontario so you aren’t missing much.
Mini update, I kind of did a shitty ask for his birthday, so in the meantime he suggested going out for sushi which I was totally cool with and I was planning on treating him for dinner (plus cupcakes, of course). Then he asked if he could invite his friend and his friend’s girlfriend. This is of course fine and is a good sign, although I’m a little nervous and a bit “woah are we moving too fast” even though I invited him to see my friends first and it will have been six weeks. But do I pay for our half at dinner for his birthday if they can come? Is that emasculating? The obvious answer is no. We’ve be pretty good with alternating but I don’t know what it’s like with other couples/his friends. Agh, totally overthinking!
@Ver, that’s so bizarre and definitely a good sign that you have moved jobs.
I’m not really sure why I wrote my last post. We met Friday night at MG’s place. He made dinner and we watched a movie. It was a really nice and relaxing night, after we had both been away the last couple weekends. There’s no good way to say it, but “for the record”, I am attracted to him/want to continue seeing him — it might be a growing in attraction/comfort/he’s not my usual type thing.
Yesterday my friend had some people over for a games night because one of our friends was in town. I think it was also for us to meet the host’s new girlfriend, hehe. I felt it was a little early to invite MG to this but it was also a good opportunity to meet my friends at a low-key occasion, so I asked to him come on a no pressure basis and he was happy to. I’ve never brought a guy to see my friends so I was nervous but it was a nice evening so I’m pretty happy.
It’s MG’s birthday next weekend. It’s still early, but I know I want to make some cupcakes. Since he made dinner for me though, I’d love to make dinner for him too. I don’t have my own place, so we could meet up at his, which we’ve been doing, but it’s a little awkward to cook in his kitchen? I was thinking of making chili and then heating it up on his stovetop. But also it’s a crazy week so I don’t know when I have time to do this. Well, we’ll see!
It would be more the latter. He could be objectively cute. There are physically attributes I do find attractive. It’s just an X factor and I was hoping after the third date that my physical attraction could grow because everything else is fine. Sometimes in the “right light” I find him attractive. I am also not a stunner myself. Yeah, six dates is pushing it. We are meeting up again. If I don’t find my attraction increasing sooner than later I will end it.
@Ver, aw, sounds like it was an excellent date after everything.
@Courtney, I don’t see anything wrong with messaging him. How good friends is he and your brother? I definitely still have a school girl crushes on my brother’s friends, haha.
@Cleo, love your happy updates! Glad things are still going strong.
Congrats, @TheLadyE! That takes a lot of gumption.
@Copa, really happy your first date went well.
I’m trying to sort out my feelings with this guy. It’s been one month and six dates. He’s kind, sweet, understanding, has his life together and he expresses he likes me in words and actions, and not in an overbearing way. I am well aware of not staying with a guy just because he’s nice and normal and I have stopped seeing guys before when I knew I didn’t want to see them again.
With this guy, I don’t want to stop seeing him, yet, but I don’t know how long this will last. Another month? He’s the most physically assertive guy I’ve been with, which I like. I’ve been clear with what I’m comfortable and he’s really good with consent (as all men should be…). So again, is that clouding my judgment? I flip flop between liking him and not sure whether I’m attracted to him.
I know there is a lot of doubt in my writing. I am always really uncertain about things. I’m kind of doing this as a “No no’s” concept rather than the “Fuck yes” concept, because I am never “fuck yes” about anything. I’m excited getting texts from him. Generally I have fun with him. I feel comfortable talking to him.
I think I’m still going to do this date by date, and well, also see what he’s feeling too. I think he’s aware of my hesitation but still wants to see me.
I just can’t believe this heatwave. I’ve missed most of it (go figure, I travel more north during a heatwave) but still… something is wack. So, good on you on doing the half, @copa!! Too bad you weren’t able to get together with A.T. last night, but that’s a positive sign of not fizzling 🙂 And have fun with C.T. with minimal expectations 😉
I’m so impressed with how you’re dealing with this @TheHizzy. Just read today’s column and well, yeah, you are eons more reasonable and compassionate.
Congrats, ver! Really happy for you, sounds like a great job!
@Copa, Cleo is so cute — as must be your dog! That’s awesome you worked out the walking schedule with your neighbour. I’m glad you are meeting/chatting with other guys too 🙂
Last night with the guy was low-key and nice. He offered to pick me up from the airport and I wanted to see him again, so I said yes. Now I’m thinking that I usually dress like sh*t on planes/in really really comfortable clothes, so I’ll have to look somewhat cute, ha ha. I’m happy to continue getting to know him.
