juliecatharine
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I guess I don’t generally agree with the idea that selling your body for sex is necessarily different from other ways people sell themselves to survive. (And yes I realize I am hedging all over the place with that sentence.). Roofing is hard physical labor and can be dangerous, office jobs can be soul sucking. Why is it that using your body to perform some types of work is fine but fucking for money is verboten? Prostitution and other types of sex work can be very lucrative, don’t take up a lot of time vs traditional work, flexible hours, and yeah, I think some people enjoy it. Are the majority of prostitutes psyched about their job? Obviously not.
I really disagree that prostitution is always involuntary. It isn’t. There are plenty of women (and men!) who choose to have sex for money for a variety of reasons. This happened in Australia, it is entirely possible the brothels he visited were on the up and up. Maybe OP’s husband is a scumbag but maybe he’s not. She needs to get to the bottom of this and they need to actually get to know each other if this marriage has any shot.
Why would a guy go to a brothel? Lots of reasons: they’re lonely, to get laid, for the novelty, to get experience with women and sex. If I had to guess in your husband’s case it might have been a low-pressure way to explore. Given that your families pressured you to marry quickly I’m going to guess that your husband’s native culture is conservative and he may not have had the opportunity to explore his sexuality growing up. That could be a factor here.
I agree that counseling would be really beneficial here. You two aren’t communicating very well and honestly it sounds like you barely know each other. If there weren’t kids involved I’m not sure it would be worth trying to sort this out but as it stands you really need help. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that there are some cultural factors at play here that we might not fully appreciate.
Hi Thu, thanks for giving us some more background. What prompted you to go through his old FB messages? Snooping isn’t great, were you looking for something because there was something about his behavior that made you concerned?
We miss you! Here’s a coupon for a free drink with purchase!
This is a horrible analogy and I fully acknowledge that up front but I look at ‘Johns’ the same way I look at people who buy dogs instead of rescue. There are reputable breeders who care for their animals and know what they’re doing when it comes to animal care and lineage. Purchasing a dog from one of these I would liken to a guy visiting an independent sex worker who is fully empowered, safe, etc. There are back yard breeders and folks who don’t spay/neuter; they’re not great but they care for their animals. I would liken that to visiting a legal brothel-idiotic and overall lame but not really hurting anyone. Then there are your puppy mills and I would liken these to your trafficked sex salves. People who go to them (or buy a dog from them) are too fucking stupid and selfish to be cognizant of the needs of others and ignore the obvious telltale signs of evil.
I actually do think there are a lot of fairly obvious red flags for trafficking. Whether people bother looking for them or not I don’t know but I don’t think you need to be Sherlock to figure out there might be a problem.
There are a lot of willing participants in prostitution. I really don’t think we need to make every conversation about sex work equivalent to trafficking, it’s not.
Are brothels legal in Australia? I have no idea (and really don’t feel like googling it) but that would probably make for a lower likelihood of trafficking being involved. I can understand why that revelation would give you pause, especially since he won’t talk about it. It would be really useful to know how you found out. Overall, if he’s otherwise a good man I don’t know that there’s a huge difference between visiting brothels and having a lot of casual sex. If you were obsessing about the latter I would tell you to let it go and it’s not your business. I’m curious what the rest of the folks here will say.
That actually sounds like a really neat story Miel! How did you wind up going to Europe with a stranger?
I repeat: ????.
I agree Sky, the only thing I can think is if the property is held in some kind of wacky trust. I really hope she gives us an update.
