Kate
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I get that, Ale. But remember, guys aren’t on there to meet friends. They are going to assume you want to date/hook up, and they’re going to do those behaviors that you say you’re not able to deal with. Just be aware and prepared.
My husband texted me a lot when we first met. He’s a communicator. I let him know I couldn’t text that much and didn’t have an unlimited plan, and he cut back to a level I was comfortable with.
…ating on and off.
It wasn’t great back then, but I think not having it constantly there on your phone made it somewhat easier.
I’m basically the same as TheRascal. Online dated from 2011-12, didn’t even have a smartphone so it was all online. I probably went out with 12 guys, maybe half of whom I went on more than one date. Two I was really into but they ghosted or faded after 3-4 dates (that has always been a thing). I met my husband after a little over a year of doing online d
And honestly, as much as these smokers are demonizing Xanax, if someone has such bad anxiety that they truly cannot do their job without drugs, I’d rather they be on some kind of managed, low-dose program of legally-prescribed antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds, combined with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or something, than to be self-administering illegal drugs that could get them fired (yes, that does frequently happen).
That probably is your best bet, if you’re not going to get any help here – just try to be cool with him smoking daily. Asking him to curb it or stop it is almost certainly useless. He has absolutely no incentive or desire to stop or even limit his consumption. He knows you would never leave him.
Do you feel concerned at all that he can’t deal with normal job stress any other way but by getting high? Which I am guessing he is… in spite of what Erica said, I wouldn’t think he’s taking one puff. I’d be concerned if my husband couldn’t do his job without drugs. I’d be getting him into therapy to learn coping mechanisms.
* by yourself. I get that he won’t go with you, which isn’t great in itself.
I would really, really, really talk to a professional if I were you, to get advice on how to try to handle this situation with your husband. You obviously know that none of those options is likely to be effective, and that you’re either going to have resentment, or sneaking around and lying, or probably both. Which will erode your marriage over some period of time, like, I don’t know, 2-5 years, and it will probably not be okay. Trying to manage this yourself without talking to a counselor is not a good idea.
The feeling may be real, but that doesn’t mean it’s true. I also hear enough stories about people meeting their long term people on Tinder or Bumble, ahem- you, that I can’t believe it’s truly ruined dating. Though I do understand the issues.
Oh stop, none of you are doomed.
Congratulations on not voting. I’m loving this presidency! As a woman, I mean.
