Kate
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Well.
I can 99.5% guarantee you, you are not ever going to have a sex life with this guy. I hope that the companionship is enough. Good that he’s getting his health at least checked and looked after so that he can live a longer and more comfortable life.
Yeah, I think that was kind of a normal freakout then. I mean, not great, but understandable. I would say just take it day by day and try not to have any expectations about him at all. He handled it well, but yeah, 4 dates is too soon to talk about being exclusive. You’re not even really sure you like him, momentum will get lost in two weeks… keep your options open and meet other guys. It’s not that you did anything that bad, just that 4 dates is too soon to get attached.
Hmm, did you have some kind of sex with him, either before or after your question about giving it a go?
Nope. I didn’t like the sound of it.
I think “Why You’re Not Married…Yet” has some good insight.
I had to let that go too, Copa, like around age 36. It left me like a weight off my shoulders and just went away. It’s bullshit and you need to reject it. You’re never too old to be desirable. Recognize that things you believe about yourself are a choice.
I don’t know if you were abused so much as like emotionally manipulated? I don’t know. But look, you weren’t making her happy after a while, you weren’t motivated to make her happy, she wasn’t making you happy, I mean what the hell? The relationship came to its natural conclusion because it wasn’t working. It ran its course, it’s fine, most relationships do.
You apparently weren’t that into her. It’s hard to see it now, when you’re lonely and remembering the good times, but you weren’t. There was an imbalance where one of you was way more into the other one. That imbalance isn’t going to resolve itself, unfortunately. Or, I mean, maybe she’ll be less into you this time around so it’s more even, but do you want that?
That’s a healthy attitude for now, I think.
Good. I’m really glad you were able to clarify that you did not actually mean you wanted a proposal in the new year and moving/marriage in the summer. If that was concerning or confusing him, he can relax. You brought it back to being on the same page of “let’s discuss things as they come and not be on a specific timeline.” That’s what I was hoping you’d do.
That said, will you be fine if nothing comes up in terms of talking about next steps by the time the summer rolls around?
I’m really just so struck by the fact that you seem not to know or understand this woman at all. It’s really off. You keep saying she loved you so much and put up with your flaws, and it’s like… that’s what she is to you, someone who gives you positive attention that boosts your self esteem. I’m not hearing anything about what makes her or your connection special, and you don’t seem to “get” her. You’re asking for instructions on how to talk to her like she’s someone you haven’t dated. It’s weird. I think if you cant organically communicate with her, how is this supposed to work?
But I’m serious, you’re not a good communicator. Have you thought of talking to a counselor for help expressing what you feel and effectively communicating with women? These are skills that can be learned.
Just be like, it’s hard to think with all these negative messages that I can’t help but feel are aimed at me. Would you mind not doing that?
