kmtthat

I too am quietly following everyone’s updates, not a ton to add myself though. Still dating my bf, and we’ve had a little kerfuffle with him starting his 75% travel job very soon. He needs to re up his lease to start in Oct, and I’d like to move in together soonish (he’s feeling not ready right now but “soon”) so he’s signing a 6 month lease and then we’ll evaluate if we’re feeling ready to move in when that’s up. That will be about 1.5 years in and after his transition into his new job, so timing should be in a good place.

I do get kind of antsy that I’m going to wait and then we’ll get to the 6 month lease being over and he’ll say he’s still not ready, or that he won’t want to get married for several more years (or at all). When I moved in with my ex, he was saying he just wanted to live together for a few months and then he’d for sure propose…but two weeks into living together he told me flat out he would never marry me. So I have a deep fear of being lead on, especially as I’m turning 33 this year (and apparently I’m more into having kids than I thought). I’m doing my best to not be nuts about it, but being in a ton of weddings this fall and having multiple friends who’ve been dating less time than us move in together has gotten under my skin a bit. I had an insecure blow up about it last week, and I feel super guilty. But I just keep telling myself it’s only been 9 months so there’s no sense in rushing things to feel more “secure” as that will probably make things harder in the long run anyway.

But otherwise we’re doing fantastic, planning for birthday trip and vising both of our families for Christmas.

End of the I’m feeling old and envious rant 🙂

One of my friends/former roommates went out on a first date with a guy years ago with the same disability (disabled/missing arm) that was not apparent in photos on the dating site they met on. She was surprised on their date and honestly distracted her from getting to know the guy (versus knowing upfront). Yeah, maybe a fair amount of people would opt out if they knew up front, but I’d think you’d rather vet for that, right? To be fair, his username on the site was something like onearmedpirate, good on him for a great sense of humor!

Janelle, would you have felt the same if it was a pagan ritual? Or they wanted her to go to mosque and declare her dedication to Allah? Would you have (being a Christian) if your husband insisted? I bet 1,000% not. I’m really sick and tired of Christians in the US thinking they are the default religion and that atheists should just go along with what they want in a secular way. “Traditions” are not a reason to make people do things they do not believe in, particularly when it involves oaths, man.

I’m an atheist, full stop. I would absolutely have not attended, and wouldn’t want my child raised with religion (though if they came to it in their own way, would never have an issue with them pursuing it). I make it abundantly clear when I date that this is a deal breaker for me. She made what I think are very fair allowances (he can take the kid to church, they can plan this for the baby, etc) without going against her own beliefs. He has a history of steamrolling her.

@Ale glad you are moving on and taking things day by day. Being on Tinder is such a culture shock coming out of a serious relationship. I would say you don’t want to spend too much time talking on the app/texting before meeting…it really sucks when you have texting chemistry but none in person. I always texted for a week or so to get enough info to figure I could invest an hour over coffee/drinks.

That being said if you truly aren’t ready for a date yet, that makes total sense and don’t push yourself! You’re doing everything you should and bit by bit you’ll feel more consistently happy.

MissDre I second wanting a pic with you and your boo, you looked so fab 🙂

@ktfran Yup! Chicago – Movies in the Park 6/20. Down to change it up if there’s an easier date/location for people! I’ll also text AP!

@Copa that’s exciting!! I feel like for better or for worse, even online dating tends to sway the way of men doing the initial reach out and some men thinking it seems desperate or unattractive if you hit on them. I’ve never for the life of me understood why, but patriarchy? I think of myself as a pretty solid catch and I was flooded with messages, but if I reached out first I rarely heard back. I figured they’d already seen my profile and hadn’t already messaged me first since they weren’t into it our don’t like “forward” women. Either way, happy to filter those guys out!

I’ll be honest, I only did the Tinder rodeo for 5 months so I’m not burned out on it, and I feel better that if I somehow ended up single again at least there are options that aren’t bars. And my current bf is such a goddamn catch people are always super surprised we met on Tinder (“why would either of you need to be on Tinder?” “Because I’m lazy and he was new in town?”)

Keep on keeping on. It only has to work out one time, and thank god we no longer are stuck with the dating pool of the tiny town you grew up in and your neighbors son who you went to k-12 with. I feel like it can take longer now to meet the right person, but when you do they are legitimately the right person and not just the person you ran into at your local bar the most.