kmtthat

@Jimmyjam Troll much? It’s not a list of demands, it’s preferences. Pretty sure everyone is allowed to have those…even you!

My point was that I very rarely encounter a situation where I feel comfortable having a FWB. I am more of a dating/relationship person by nature. But I genuinely have zero problem meeting someone very attractive to fuck casually if I so wished, thanks.

Oh, it’s not about emotional monogamy. I could care less if they want to date someone else, the not sleeping with multiple people at the same time comes purely from a health fear place (I’m paranoid about STDs or even getting just the flu or something from the other chick you’re banging). My last FWB I slept with the last time when he was dating two girls (both of whom knew about me and were totally fine with it) so I can do it, but it’s not preferred. I get icked out.

I also don’t tend to do it for like loooong stretches (more than a few weeks/months here and there, until we start seeing other people). It’s more an oasis in the desert situation.

@MissDre Ugh, we’ve all been there. I think that you don’t need to beat yourself up over it. You slipped, got emotional, regret sending. I always have a friend be my sponsor (like AA) that I can call at any time, no problem if I get the overwhelming urge to reach out to the ex (I’ll do this for maybe a week or two after, and have been this person to others). Get thee a sponsor. In a few more months you’ll look back and be like “uh that guy was a tool.”

No dates for me, but I came to the happy conclusion I don’t want a bf or really to date, just something casual. Which is hard for me because I do not like casual with strangers and I don’t sleep with friends. So reasons why the guy that I dated for 3 months is coming over to help me hang something today. I had asked him about what tools I needed and he offered to come over and do it for me so I didn’t have to buy a bunch of stuff, with no ulterior motive. I’m feeling super over it, he’s a nice (albeit, kind of nuts) guy, so might see if I can at least get something fun out of it for the night. Our mutual friends are like “go for it and we’re all betting that he shoots me down or cries. Me, I’ll just be happy to get help hanging the wall art I have and if he doesn’t want to do anything else, I genuinely would just be like *shrug* your loss.

Thanks everyone…you’re right. @Nookie that actually crossed my mind too. Honestly, given the people I’ve dated (several of whom have cheated, or have slept with many, many women) statistically I think someone I’ve slept with has probably already had it and I just didn’t get it.

I called him last night and we talked. I was exactly as awkward as I thought I’d be and was just telling him I’m an incredibly anxious person when it comes to dating and adding anything in that complicates that is really difficult for me. And that being allergic to latex didn’t help.

He was pretty clear he wanted to keep seeing me, thought we had a good connection and if I wanted a few weeks to think about it, basically he’d be there waiting and we could take it as slow as I wanted, he didn’t mind if I dated other people, etc. He was like “I’m not saying I’m looking for my wife, but I want something really serious” and I told him very honestly that given my recent past I didn’t know if I was able to do serious right now. And we talked about how he isn’t able to leave our city for work reasons and how I move every few years, so I’d worry that would be a problem eventually. I feel like crap, and I do actually like the guy. If it wasn’t for this I would have kept seeing him, but hey, it might not have worked out anyway.

I still feel like a jerk though, and immediately burst into tears after we hung up.

Thanks, I think I just need to hear it doesn’t make me a terrible person. I’m also allergic to latex (which I told him) which complicates things logistically. I’m putting off the phone call but I know I need to talk to him tonight or tomorrow and just be honest. I just hate hurting people and I know he really likes me.

@Copa What a nutjob! Seriously…bullet dodged!

So I went out with the guy I’ve been seeing for a few weeks again over the weekend. We had a really fun time, I slept over (without sex), and then we had a long talk in the morning. We got into a pretty deep conversation about our families and then I playfully asked him what his biggest secret was. He decided that it was good time to disclose that he has genital herpes. He was very open about it, explained he got it from his high school gf, only had one outbreak, never sleeps with someone without telling them, and when in a relationship takes medication and always uses protection so has never has a problem. I was really surprised and didn’t make an issue of it or really ask any questions at the time, just kept the conversation light and we moved on to other topics. We haven’t talked too much since then as I think he’s giving me space to digest.

I totally get that it’s more of stigmatized thing than an actual huge health issue, and I’ve read a ton of information. I’m a really anxious person when dating because of my past and I would be even more anxiety ridden with this too (I’m the kind of person that has recurrent nightmares about getting pregnant). I feel incredibly guilty, and I wish I wasn’t such a paranoid or anxious person but I think I just can’t handle it. After the last bf cheated I did a full round of testing and made sure they included blood testing for H and HIV, so I do know I absolutely do not have it. I feel like such an asshole, because he’s a fantastic guy and he’s obviously dated plenty of girls who had no issue with the (very small) risk. I just don’t think I can be one of them, and I am dreading having to say this.