kmtthat

@MissDre it all happened so suddenly, I can totally see why you’d still be hung up. I’m still inexplicably hung up on the last one even though I get that he’s a little nuts. I’m finding that dating people actually doesn’t help me because then I just compare. I get the needing to be single for awhile thing now.

Wow can’t believe the thread is a year old!

@Nookie Happy belated!!! Sounds like a sold weekend 🙂

As for me…went to some new club with the guy I’ve been out with a few times because he and his friends had a table. I was a huge club rat back in the day but once I got into my last serious relationship and hit my 30s just really over the scene. I went with my friend who LOVES clubbing still and I had a good time. Feeling kind of ambivilant about him at this point…my guard is WAY up and still sorting through my feelings from the last two break ups. He’s a very sweet, extremely fun, and a respectful guy who is clearly looking for a serious gf which freaks me out a bit. Just want to keep things light all summer.

@veritek33 I think if you like him, you can just say so. “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been a little more affectionate lately. I know you said you were just looking for friends right now, so it’s a little confusing to me as I don’t tend to be too touchy feely with my guy friends. Now that we’ve been hanging out more I could see us dating. Is that something you’d be interested in?”

I do’t know, now that I’m in my 30s I just give zero fucks and am more ready to just put my feelings out there for the sake of clarity. Amd if he says he really only wants to be friends, you can shrug, tell him “fair enough” and then take your space.

Anyone have any happy dating updates? I feel like collectively we’ve gone through just a LOT OF BULLSHIT. Uplifting? Anyone?

Little nervous about dinner tonight, he called to confirm plans and offer to pick me up (it’s the city so most people just Uber/walk places). Forgot how nervous it makes me to talk on the phone with someone when the last several guys I dated were 99% text and 1% call in dire emergency. Was a little flirty so made me excited for later.

On everyone’s recommendation, I started readiNg Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and OMG, it’s amazing. Having been in a relationship for the last several years before things like Tinder and Bumble really took off, I’m really unsure of the landscape of dating, especially in a major city. It’s pretty much that a. there is a a seeming flood of endless options so people are pickier than they would be normally b. everyone is super insecure and c. extended adolescence.

I set up a date with a different guy who I’ve been texting back and forth with for about a week…we’re meeting up Saturday. He’s really funny and works a pretty corporate-y type job too, so hoping we hit it off. Feeling a little nervous for my date with the teacher tomorrow, but he was such a sweet guy so I’m sure it will be easy and mellow.

All the complicated shit aside –wherever any of you are, you aren’t going through this alone. t’s normal and human to want to connect to others, and the fact that it still hurts when it doesn’t work out means we still feel, still hope.

MissDre and Copa: god, I’m sorry.

Copa, this line is the one I always say too: “I don’t think the reason someone doesn’t want to date me matters. It only matters to me that they don’t want to be with me.” With my 3 month dating situation ending super abruptly, it actually would have been easier if I could have been like “eh he was dating someone else he liked more” or “oh his ex was back in the picture.” I think sometimes speculation can lead you to make totally random and false conclusions when the focus should be on moving on.

So glad I finally shut this last guy I dated down and told him basically to stop texting me because I still had feelings and wanted to move on (totally unfair to abruptly break up with someone and then continue to reach out for weeks after!)

MissDre: THAT GUY IS SUCH A DOUCHE CANOE. It’s so insane to me that guys are afraid of confrontation, feeling like the bad guy, a woman acting “crazy” that they just…ghost after a not insignificant amount of time. When really, if he had just been like “look I have a lot going on in my life, and I don’t want to continue to date you” you probably would have been sad but understanding. Selfish, that. Again, I don’t think speculating that he had a wife helps. I always advocate for seeing where they live/meeting friends/being their FB friend or knowing mutual friends to mitigate that risk, so maybe a thing to consider in the future? But really…he might be single and just like the thrill of the first few months and then want to skip out. Doesn’t always have to be complicated to be a tool.

I have a daaaaaaaaate Wednesday that I am super excited about! So last NYE I went to a restaurant/bar that my BFF’s fiance was DJing at. I was there with my ex and my female friend and my BFF’s fiance had invited his buddy and his buddy’s roommate. That night was really fun and everyone got into good conversations. So the roommate and I talked for a good two hours (my ex was busy chatting with the other guy) about relationships, how hard it is to meet a genuine person, about work, etc. I walked away from that night telling my friends MAN if I were ever single, that guy is really great (and super cute). So the other day we matched on Tinder (I swipe right one like 1 out of 200…so odds are not in anyone’s favor) and it wasn’t till after he messaged me that we remembered we had already met. Anyway he asked me to dinner this week, so feeling pretty great. It’s a little odd as his roommmate knows/hangs out with in a larger group the guy that just dumped me. Anyway even if it ends up being more of a friend vibe, I know we get along well and he’s super sweet.

So glad Copa and missDre have guys that are making them feel swoony 🙂 Long distance is so hard, I don’t think I could ever do it again. But with a strong connection I could totally see it being worth it!

I realized I’m actually not ready to date. Finally flipped out at the guy that broke up with me a few weeks ago because he keeps texting me every few days random things, sometimes apologizing for reaching out. I told him I didn’t know if he felt guilty, or misses me, or wanted to be friends, but generally if you suddenly realize you aren’t as into someone as you thought you were you don’t want to text them weeks after you’ve ended things. If he hadn’t have specifically told me he didn’t want to be friends when we broke up I would have maybe felt differently.

I don’t like feeling like it’s no contact now, but I like even less wondering if he’s reaching out because he misses me and wants to work things out (when I know that’s not it). Or that he’ll just suddenly realize he doesn’t want o be friends either and stop texting too and I’ll feel stupid for still being responsive to him and friendly. Either way, can’t really move on until I’m over it and not going to be over it until we don’t talk. Ugh.