Lucidity
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The more you share, the worse this sounds.
He wants the two of you to be employed at the same place because he doesn’t trust you? Do you really not see how fucked up that is? He is not a good person. He is a controller and I wouldn’t be surprised if this escalates to abuse. I agree that it sounds like projection – it’s classic behaviour for a cheater to project their own untrustworthiness onto their partner and accuse them of cheating. He might not be physically cheating, but I’d be willing to bet he’s at least sexting these “sexy women things”.
You need to stop making excuses and get out of this relationship and out of this living situation as soon as possible.
Ok, he’s not an alcoholic. But if my wondering if he might be was the only thing you took away from my advice then you don’t really want advice, do you? You want a magic solution that will make him suddenly start treating you with respect.
You don’t owe him anything. You can never owe someone your love or sex or a relationship. Loving someone is compelling, but it’s not enough to stay. Most people who end relationships loved each other. They leave because the relationship isn’t working or because the person they love isn’t treated them with respect.
Guys who send friend requests to sexy/nude accounts of women they don’t know in real life are losers. They are. Especially the ones who do it while in a relationship. No matter what he’s done for you or how kind he is, no matter that everyone watches porn. I watch porn, but I wouldn’t send a friend request to a porn star because 1. that’s disgusting, 2. they’re not my friend, and 3. I respect my husband and wouldn’t treat him that poorly.
If you want to be independent get a job. Not working because your partner isn’t working and doesn’t want you to be working alone is stupid and sounds controlling on his part.
The people who are telling you to leave him are right. Who cares if their advice is hypocritical? Staying in a bad relationship just because other people are in bad relationships would be just as stupid as revenge. Besides, there are many more reasons to leave than just him adding random sexy woman on Facebook.
You should leave because you’re unhappy being with a partner who spends hours every day playing cards at the bar (is he an alcoholic?). You should leave because you’re unhappy with a living situation that has you sharing a home with your partner’s ex for what sounds like more than 50% of the time. You should leave because your partner lied and gaslit you when you caught him red-handed sending random women friend requests and called him out on it. You should leave because when you express your unhappiness at his actions, he dismisses your feelings. You should leave because he cares more about friending strangers online than he does about you.
WEES. Also, he’s bragging that he’s going to take you out for a fancy meal, but he can’t even be bothered to plan the date himself – he’s passing off the work of choosing the restaurant to you, just like he passes off the cheques. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been passing off most of the work to keep this relationship going to you, too. Wouldn’t it be nice to be with someone who would meet you halfway, and maybe even put you first occasionally (or, you know, not gaslight you)? You deserve better.
