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I’m also VERY guarded @ktfran but it seems kind of a necessary thing right? You like this guy a lot and want to be with him for a long time, it makes sense to make sure you want the same things in the future.
What country is he in, if you don’t mind me asking @Sas? Your relationship is kind of fascinating to me, I imagine your both international jetsetters. Or spies! On opposite sides of the cold war 😀
The Cockney was married many moons ago and doesn’t want to do it again. That was tough to get through but we did!
Yep @K’s right, these things kind of happen – the Cockney and I discussed that we both didn’t want kids pretty early on, but the marriage thing came a bit later.
I think you could always ask him about how he sees his future, without putting any pressure on it, just to see if it marries up with your own visions?
Yeah, I totally agree with @Anonymousse… being on your own can be lonely. And that can be awful sometimes, especially when a lot of your friends are coupled up. (though one of my favourite things as a single person was being invited to dinner at a couple’s house!)
But I think two things:
1) Nothing worth doing is easy. There’s a reason why it’s tough and getting yourself in ‘good working order’ isn’t going to be a walk in the park but it’s for the rest of your life, right? Six to twelve months is nothing, when you consider how much it can benefit you for the rest of your life.
2) Well, I forgot point two already. But! @Kate’s totally right too, build the life that you want and when the right guy comes along he can fit nicely into what you’ve got.
I really hope it all works out for you.
Wow, maybe I’m crazy but I consider that a winning weekend @veritek! Okay so parts of it really sucked but a) you managed to get and secure an answer from him on where things are progressing and b) he was super there for you when you needed him to be, with no problems. He definitely sounds like a keeper!
I hope you get some guidance from your therapist to help you with the other things going on in your life, that sounds really tough.
Firstly @theladyE – I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. It sucks when you’re really excited about something/someone and it doesn’t work out. Take good care of yourself and feel sad if you need to, it IS sad.
But secondly, I don’t understand this guy’s game? Like, why lead her on like this? What was all of that about wanting some time to think if it was going to be exclusive? I just don’t get it…
Yeah @kare, you look fantastic!!
I’m going to a Hallowe’en party on Friday and also going as a black cat as it didn’t need too many things buying for it. I’m not really looking forward to it – it’s a friend of the Cockney’s and the one time I met her, she wasn’t too friendly to me. Hopefully she’ll be nicer this time!
It sounds to me like a guy not interested in the 9-5 life but has to make compromises on what he can afford to do to continue. You might find everything is going to be split or with you taking up the slack, which is fine but you need to think if that’s okay with you.
When we were first dating, the Cockney made considerably less than me (and pissed a lot of it away) but we figured that out quickly and planned accordingly. If I wanted to do something more expensive, I’d usually pay for it. Right now I’m getting on top of that credit card debit (halfway there!), so he’s taking care of me a bit more.
But I guess at some point, you’ll have to talk about it. For now, I’d just keep it in my mind that it’s always going to be Dutch with this guy.
Well I don’t think it’s the worst thing that he asked other people about it, I mean isn’t that what we’re all doing here?
What does this Lion Tamer do, besides taming lions? If he doesn’t make as much as you do, maybe you’re going to have to take that into consideration. It’s good that you were able to talk about it, it’s a step in the right direction right?
Well implicit in the ‘Fwb’ is ‘friends’, maybe it would be better if we could all keep the emphasis on that rather than the benefits? I don’t know, it sounds great – if you can keep it as platonic on both sides.
Hooray Veritek, that sounds great! Just the destressor you’ll need 😉
