Ruby Tuesday
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Yesterday, the New York Times published an op-ed after the CDC released new data on the rate of obesity in the United States. The CDC found that four out of ten adults, and two out of ten children, are clinically obese. From the New York Times:
Seventy percent of American adults are at least overweight, and body weight is strongly influenced by biology; we can’t blame individuals and expect personal responsibility to solve the problem. Instead, we need the government to pass a suite of policy changes to encourage healthy diets
Earlier this morning, I went back through the thread. One sentence in particular really stood out to me:
This was someone that did not care how unhappy I was and was not even trying to make things better.
Couldn’t the same be said about the OP, @oracle? Those are your own words, after all. She knew BEFORE she married him that she wasn’t sexually attracted to him and found their sexual relationship “bland” and “boring.” She described her marriage with him as “just going through the motions.” When he confronted her years later about her feelings, she said her confession that she was not attracted to his body “broke his spirit.” What has OP done to repair the marriage other than agree to counseling? Sometimes, counseling just isn’t enough. It is not enough for the husband. Her husband deserves a chance to find a partner fully engaged in all aspects of marriage.
The crux of the issue in the original post is not whether OP is justified in her lack of sexual attraction to her husband. She has every right to be honest about her feelings, but her husband is equally justified in wanting to ending the marriage. While every state now allows parties to dissolve their marriage without assigning fault, failure to have sex with a spouse who wants affection is considered desertion and can still be valid grounds for divorce in some states. A sexless marriage is not a dealbreaker for OP, but it’s a deal breaker for her husband.
In the end, the only questions OP asked were what she should do, if she was a huge jerk, and if she had misled her husband. If his weight gain was a dealbreaker for her sex life before he marriage, she should not have married him.
Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/09/opinion/cost-diabetes-obesity-budget.html
My Aunt and Uncle used to run a cabin resort in Alexandria!* Minnesota lake life is the best life.
*At least I think it was in Alexandria. I also recall the name White Bear Lake. My Mom grew up in Minneapolis. I’d move there in a heartbeat if I wasn’t such a wimp about snow. But these things happen when you grow up in the Bay Area.
That sentence does not make any sense.
BGM, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
With all seriousness, I wish I knew when Planet Earth lost the ability of reason, but I also did not think this thread would still be active 6 pages later.
Considering that I’ve been with my fiancé for seven years now, I don’t really give a fuck about my ex. He married the first woman he dated after me and I’m getting married next June to an incredible, loving person. I do not need your sympathy. We’ve all moved on. You should do the same.
You aren’t shallow because of your husband’s struggle with weight loss. You are shallow because of everything else you said here.
After reading OP’s response, I guess I spoke too soon. I wouldn’t change a word of my advice.
I apologize for not addressing the most recent post from the OP, but I just want to quickly take a step back to the second page of this thread. I would like to address an earlier point made by @oracle.
“I do find it interesting that her husband picked out someone of normal weight. Double standard maybe. She says she fell in love with him because of who he was was, the sexual attraction part she did not deem as important as who he was on the inside. Can you say the same thing about him?”
You know what I find interesting? The very first night I met the man I plan to marry, I weighed between 125-130 pounds. I am not sure how tall or how old OP is/was 13 years ago, but I am 5’6” and, at age 26, starving myself to stay that thin. At age 33, my weight normally ranges between 135-145.
On that night seven years ago, my fiancé was chubby by anyone’s standards. Both he and I have struggled with significant weight gain for half of our relationship. When I was at my biggest, almost 50 pounds heavier, he was at his most fit. He looked incredible. Right now, he looks like he’s always looked. He’s a big dude and he will likely always struggle with his weight. Last month, after six years and ten months together, we successfully paid the deposit for our wedding venue. As long as he remains committed to improving his health, I don’t care what he weighs or how he looks.
I wasted five years of my life trying to please a man who would never love me. A man who, after sex, told me I needed to diet because I looked fat. I weighed 140. I starved myself because I so desperately wanted to love me. My fiancé and I fell in love when I was thin and he was fat, and he always told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me when I was fat and he was thin.
I’m glad you find it interesting that “her husband picked out someone of normal weight.” Just like I find it interesting how incredibly vapid and shallow you are. Double standard maybe?
I want to echo @ron’s point about how a judge would react to this post because he is absolutely right. No laws or court rules exist to prevent the mother from submitting this thread as evidence and no family court judge in their right mind would ever consider allowing your family in that child’s life. The only thing that will come of your misdirected anger is that your son is now legally mandated to pay child support (and may have his wages garnished or serve jail time for failure to pay), but the mother will be granted a restraining order against your entire family, effectively ending any hope you or your son might have of every establishing a relationship with this child.
@Tiffani, if you can’t understand our advice, at least look back on the childhood of the only person defending your behavior:
“And @anonymouse both my parents were drug addicts. They were also drug traffickers who were deeply involved in organized crime. (My mother is in hiding to this day because she has had a hit out on her for years.I even had to move because one of them found me and I was in fear for myself and my kids.)
One of my favorite memories was coming home from school all excited because I had concert tickets…only to find my dad near death from an overdose. If I hadn’t stopped by the house he would have died.(he overdosed many more times and eventually died from addiction.) So please stop acting like I don’t know about the plight of children of addicts. Gimme a f**king break…you have no idea!”Oh and BTW my brother spent 7 years in prison because when he was 17 years old my father had him involved. Turns out one of the people involved was an undercover officer. My dad had my brothers selling drugs for him from a young age.(the brother who went to prison never used drugs and still doesn’t, my other brother did) This was the same brother that my parents (my dad and step mom) dropped when he was only a few months old (they were high of course) poor tiny baby had a double cast up to his hip. We had to put maxi pads on him under his diaper to keep everything off his cast. I have no idea how they didn’t take him. I ended up in foster care by 13.
I still believe people can get sober and I still believe if the Uncle turns out to be the dad he should have rights.“Please take the time to work with a therapist before your words or actions permanently damage your relationship with your granddaughter. I know you will never regret getting to know her, but don’t ruin your relationship before you get that chance.
