scorpio

I am so sorry about your dog @veritek, sending you hugs.

@copa – I went to Nicaragua last April and it was amazing. There are some resorts if you are just looking to relax, but the cities are really easy to navigate and they are very accommodating to tourists as the industry has taken a hit in the past couple of years due to some political unrest.

Unfortunately I was sick the entire holidays and am still fighting a cough, but on the plus side I didn’t get to indulge much so I was able to fit into my jeans comfortably yesterday 🙂

I am also Canadian, so Thanksgiving came and went over a month ago now. I have my first family Christmas event next weekend, we spread them out over the month so we aren’t running to a million places over only 3 days.
I love the holidays, but am obviously sad to be spending them solo this year. We talked last Thursday night, which kind of got my hopes up again and we talked a bit about still going to work and friend holiday parties together. But I saw my counsellor yesterday, and I just have to keep reminding myself, he has identified that his need is to be solo right now and maybe date around a little bit, that isn’t a problem that I can help fix so he needs to do this alone. Otherwise I am just dangling here waiting for him to wake up and realize how good we have it. I said to him “you realize people sometimes date for years trying to find what we have with each other” and he said yes, that he agrees with all of that, but he just needs to figure out his journey right now.
So, to sum that up, holidays will be busy but solo, which will be sad but I know I will survive.
Regarding SIL’s – his sister is super awesome so I am sad not to have her in my life now 🙁 I honestly got really lucky with him.

Thanks @fyodor. I know you are right, as much as I want this to work out I know that he needs some time being single and even dating a bit more. He actually dated someone else for just over a year between the end of his marriage and me, but it sounds like it was pretty toxic and dramatic, similar to relationships a number of us have in our early 20s. I can speculate all I want, but even he has said he doesn’t know what exactly his journey is right now, so I just have to walk away while he figures it out.

Thanks @cleo. We actually had a pretty full social calendar leading up to the holidays and a lot of it was with my family and friends so I have lots to do, I will now just be doing it solo which is strange. Luckily I already had a girls weekend planned for this coming weekend so that will keep me occupied and hopefully be therapeutic.

I like the idea about the mantra – I will need to find a good one today.

I actually had just started to see a counsellor to deal with some anxiety I have had recently around work and my career, so I have something already scheduled for next week. I will just be throwing a curveball into our session with this new topic!

I don’t post a lot, but have posted about my relationship a little. Overview – we were together just over a year, both late 30s, he has 3 kids who’s lives I have become fairly involved in. He was married and had kids young and when we met we both were interested in casually dating as we were both getting out of more serious relationships, but we clicked really well and it turned serious fairly quickly.

The last few months we have discussed his desire to date and trying to decide if it was a want or a need. He has decided it is a need right now and ended it on Friday night. So many things clicked for us, values, lifestyle, vision for our future, he became my best friend and we shared so many common interests and I always had fun with him, even on just a random trip to IKEA.

I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t fully in, and is still wondering “what if” about the path not taken, but I am also so heartbroken as I was so excited for our life together. We haven’t closed the door to a future together, as he said he ultimately wants what we were planning, he just needs some time to be a bachelor. Obviously I told him I wasn’t going to wait around for months or even a year while he figures it out, but a big part of me is hoping that after a few weeks without me he realizes what we had. In the meantime we have given back our keys to each others homes and will finish exchanging stuff later this week and I have told him I will want to go no contact (he isn’t happy about that, but said he will respect it).

I guess I am not really looking for advice, I just needed to get it out and writing it down makes it more real I guess. But if anyone has any advice or positive thoughts/vibes I am accepting them.

I agree with @Copa. And if it really was something he wanted to change or focus on he would have done it while you were together. It is easy to say things will change once you have broken up, and maybe they would for a couple months, but generally I would say he has shown you who he is and unfortunately you are not compatible sexually.