Skyblossom

Hans The women on here have told you how women perceive this kind of thing. It isn’t political correctness. It is about staying safe and never knowing what is actually going on in the mind of the guy. It is wondering if he keeps showing up at your door wanting you to answer his questions if he won’t be waiting to follow you when you leave the building. It’s the sense of control you appear to think you have when you tell her she can’t get seriously involved with another guy. That is a creepy statement whether you intended it that way or not. It says you think you have the right to veto her romantic life. It makes her think you’ll be watching her trying to catch her with another guy and that is scary. It is the sense that you think you can refuse to accept her telling you that she is no longer interested and she has to try harder to like you or she has to explain her feelings.

Think about the women you didn’t have chemistry with you. Could you explain to them how you didn’t have chemistry or more likely you just know that you don’t feel what you need to feel. You are young but so is she. You are both learning what works for you and what doesn’t. She tried a relationship with you and decided it didn’t work for her. She may or may not know why it wasn’t working. If she does know and she thinks you would find the reason insulting she will be afraid to tell you want it was. Dating is kind of like going to the pool and dipping your toes in and swimming seems like a great idea. Then you jump into water that is up to your waist and it’s too uncomfortably cold and suddenly you don’t want to go swimming. The thing that you wanted to do and seemed like a fun idea is suddenly not fun. Dating is like that. People try out a relationship for a few dates to a few months and then decide whether it will work for them or not. She tried. She gave it a good go. She invested time and effort in you and then realized she wasn’t going to feel what she needed to feel. It happens. Most relationships don’t work. It doesn’t have to mean that there is anything wrong with you. Most relationships just don’t work. People go through a lot of partners before finding the right one. In general you sample people and slowly you begin to realize what you need in a partner and you get more and more selective the longer you date. In general, don’t take it personally when someone finds that the relationship doesn’t work for them. The nicest thing they can do for you is let you know it doesn’t work so that you can move on to a different relationship. If someone ties you up for a long period of time in a relationship they think has no future they are being cruel.

The statement you made about her not being able to get serious with another guy is probably the thing that tipped her into not wanting to talk to at all. It becomes seriously creepy when someone seems to be trying to control your romantic life which is exactly how that statement comes across. If you want to know what happened think about that. In the future if someone says they are done say okay. If they say they are done but want to continue to be friends you say call me when you want to do something. That means that if they are serious about wanting to do something with you they will call but if they are just saying it so that you don’t get upset you won’t hear from them. Either way you will end up knowing what they meant. Leave it to them to contact you. They will contact you if they want contact. Leave it up to them.

Most people don’t consider moving to a new apartment an achievement. It’s a change but not an achievement. I say that as a parent with a son in an apartment. It’s a life stage and a good move to be an independent adult but still I have never heard any parent call their child moving into another apartment an achievement.

Sometimes you end up with parents that aren’t all that good at parenting. You end up with parents that favor another child or children. You end up with parents that are seriously disappointing. I know because I have a mom like that. The only emotion my mom experiences whenever something good happens in my life is jealousy that my sister might not have whatever it is. She has specifically tried to make things in my life not nice just to ensure that my sister has something nicer. That includes everything from haircuts and clothes when I was a teenager to my wedding. I expect nothing from my mom. She does still manage to annoy me at times. She started calling me as I was leaving for work. It was the perfect time to call and not talk. Then she could tell people she had a nice chat with me without saying her idea of a nice chat was me having to say I was on my way out the door to go to work. I finally told her to quit calling me at that time and then I quit answering the phone when she continued. She would also call me on her way back from visiting my sister and would make sure she called as they were pulling into a rest area or when they were pulling into their driveway. It was the same thing, she couldn’t possibly talk because they were at a rest area or at home but she was the one calling me when she couldn’t talk. This was a five hour drive so she had plenty of time to call when they weren’t stopping. It was just rude. I expect nothing from her in life. That is just the cold reality of my mom. I think you need to face the cold reality of your dad. Don’t expect what you will never get. That will only make you unhappy.

As far as your new apartment it is a nice step for you and your boyfriend but most people will see it as just another apartment. Most people have moved from one apartment to another and don’t see it as much of any change.

Enjoy your new apartment because it makes you happy. It doesn’t matter whether your dad cares or not. You can be happy without him. Spend your emotional energy where it will be valued. Don’t waste it on your dad.

“You need to learn to not be offended by someone being kind and god forbid wanting to get to know you.”

Nobody needs to let someone get to know them just because the other person wants to get to know them. We don’t owe that to anyone. I get to pick whether I am interested in the other person and it isn’t going to be some stranger on the street.

I treat random people I meet with common courtesy. I say please and thank you and excuse me and hold the door for people and motion for people to go ahead of me in a line. That’s my choice. I feel no obligation to talk to some stranger. I don’t owe that to anyone. I will get to know someone by having something in common with them where we both show up at the same thing at the same time and if it happens multiple times and we make small talk we may get to know each other.

Mike, some advice just for you. In the future, when you want to disagree, do so without insults. When you drop into insults you sound like you are on an elementary school playground and everyone then takes their cue from you and treats you like a child. If you want to disagree you do so respectfully. You say you don’t agree because …

Make your point or points and give the reasons why. People will actually engage you when you don’t act like a bully. You don’t convey sincerity when you insult. You convey childishness, an inability to speak like an adult.

I’m sorry that your wife was sexting. It hurts and it damages marriages. If you came on and explained the situation you would get sympathy and advice. Probably you’d get advice to seek couples counseling and advice to see if the marriage could be fixed. You didn’t choose to do that. You chose to be insulting and so you got insulting back. You seem to be blaming Wendy for the choices your wife has made and to be insulting women in general. Not all women are sexting behind their husband’s back. The way that you are generally rude and insulting makes people feel that maybe you treat your wife that way and then people feel that maybe she has a reason to be sexting behind your back.

Try politeness. It’s an asset in every life.

@MissD How you are going to remain in the UK? When you enter they give you six months to stay and then you must leave unless you have a work visa. You probably already have that worked out but just in case I thought I would mention it.

Have you looked at expenses in the UK. It tends to be more expensive than here but you may live in a much more expensive area than I do. I’d try to always keep enough in reserve to buy a ticket home if worst comes to worst. Hopefully it all works out. I have no doubt that international marriages can work. I’m in one and I love it but I also think you need to always be able to leave if it turns out that the two of you aren’t a good match.