Stonegypsy

Yay for everyone having fun dates! And for Mr. Attentive being actually consistently attentive!

I actually did have a date last night, even though I’m still generally in kind of a funk. Really nice southern guy, lots in common. My kind of nerd. A little put off because toward the end of the night he said “Wow, I just really really like you” about every ten minutes. But apart from that, it was a nice time.

@MissDre that is fabulous! Yay for Mr. Attentive.

I had drinks with the Physicist Sociopath’s partner yesterday. She is a really lovely person. We spent a few hours comparing notes. I am still having a rough time. I’m so angry, and I really miss him at the same time. But I keep reminding myself that the person I miss never really existed. He was a character created to appeal to me. But it’s still rough. I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted. Lots of friend time this weekend. It’s terrifying to know that if he came to ask for me back I don’t 100% trust myelf to say no and remember that everything he says could be a lie. It’s easier to just not be alone. Just in case.
How can a six month relationship fuck with me this much? I’ve been in a lot of relationships of varying degrees of seriousness, two of them were actually abusive, and nothing has ever had this effect on me. I know that I will be fine, eventually, but right now I feel like kind of a mess and that seems ridiculous to me.

You guys, I continue to find out more. He had proposed! Totally different stories. I definitely don’t feel sad about breaking up anymore. I am furious. I’m also stressed, and wondering (again) if anything he ever told me was true the entire time I’ve known him.
I thought he was conflicted and confused, but well-intentioned. Now I’m leaning toward ‘sociopath’. I can’t help but wonder if he was just fucking with me the whole time.
His other partner seems really lovely. I definitely feel like she deserves better than this, and I feel kind of terrible for her.
It all just feels like this whole other level of lying, and I can’t even think what on earth the purpose of it could have been. I have sent a couple messages since I found out yesterday and he has not responded. Either there are actually too many lies to list, or the coward is ghosting me.

Had dinner with Physicist last night. And stayed up late. And drank a lot of wine. Like a *lot* of wine. There was some angry ranting. A lot of angry ranting.
I have decided to give it a shot, even if it’s a terrible idea and not at all good for me. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to let go or move on unless I at least try.
I might be a complete idiot. We’ll see.

@Nookie That is definitely a factor I’m taking into consideration. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to drastically change my expectations for a particular relationship or distance myself emotionally somewhat, and I’ve done it successfully, but I’ve also never been this attached.
So if I can really truly let go of the idea of having this person as a primary life partner, completely accept that it’s not going to happen, then this is all absolutely possible and could work out.
Otherwise, I am setting myself up for misery and will definitely not be able to really seek out the kind of relationship I want.

Well, long term I am looking for a primary life partner sort of relationship. He and I had talked a lot about it – not like planning a wedding or anything but we had a lot in common, we felt really comfortable around each other, and just seemed to be really well matched in a lot of ways. And he kept telling me that he could see a future with me and he really wanted that kind of relationship. At the same time, he was feeling really conflicted because his other partner, who he has been with for a long time, also wanted those things with him but he couldn’t really see that kind of long term future with her. But it is still a relationship that he cares about and didn’t want to lose. So he wasn’t sure what to do.
They decided, and I found out last week, that she is moving out here and they are going to give it a go, so if I stay in the relationship it will be as a secondary partner. But part of me feels like I have escalated it too much in my head and I’m not sure I can be okay with it. But I’m also not certain that I can’t. I know that even though he might have been a really really good match, other people will be too. And I really do understand why he made this decision. And I really really love having him in my life. No one has ever had quite the knack he does for making me smile and laugh, and I don’t know anyone else who quite shares my passionate enthusiasm for musicals.
What set me off on “I’m not sure anything he’s ever said to me is true” is that apparently this was in active planning mode for a month and a half, and the night that he informed me of it, up until that moment all night he had been acting and talking like everything was perfectly normal and nothing had changed.