Weekend Open Thread
I got a question from a reader this week that I thought would be a great prompt for our open thread this weekend. She asked:
“How did you and your readers know when the one is the one? I’m young, but can pinpoint the exact moment when I knew that everything about this relationship was fulfilling and meant to be in my life for the duration. How did you and your readers know? Was there a moment? A culmination of moments?”
Well, I don’t believe there are always moments “you know.” It’s a romantic notion, but I tend to think the knowing happens over the course of a relationship, through a series of ups and downs that bring a couple closer together and signal they’ve made the right choice in one another. That said, I did actually experience a “moment” with Drew when I knew he was it.
It was in October 2006, six months after we’d met. Up to that point in our relationship, we’d been long distance the whole time — with him living in NYC and me in Chicago, and the two of us flying back and forth every few weeks to see each other. The distance was hard and taking a toll on me (and him, too, of course). I wasn’t sure if there was a future for us knowing I’d have to make so many sacrifices to be with him. He’d made it clear he was not leaving his hometown of New York, while I’d always said I’d consider relocating. But being faced with the reality of that decision was difficult and I didn’t know if I could do it — if I wanted to do it. Was Drew worth it?
Well, in October 2006, on one of my visits to New York to see him, I decided that maybe I didn’t think he was. I told him I couldn’t see him anymore and that this visit would be my last. It was all very sad, and saying good-bye was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. I cried all the way to the airport. At the gate, waiting for my flight, I met up with my BFF, who’d also been visiting NYC for the weekend (he stayed with some other friends). I told him what happened, crying the whole time. We were so engrossed in the story that we missed the boarding call for our flight. In fact, it wasn’t until the plane was leaving the gate that we even realized we were the only two people left sitting there.
Long story short, the plane left without us and without any other flights leaving for Chicago that evening, we were stuck spending another night in New York. Chad went back to his friends’ apartment, and I called Drew and asked if I could stay at his place one more night. He was hesitant at first, considering the way we’d left things, but as soon as I stepped off the bus and saw him, all the doubt, worry and sadness I’d been feeling disappeared. I had been so heartbroken thinking I was never going to see him again, and now here he was, just a few hours later with that big, warm smile on his face and I knew in that moment, I’d made a mistake. He was worth it. He was totally worth it. He made me happier than I’d ever felt and I was a fool for almost throwing it away. I told him so, and we’ve never looked back. The rest, as they say, is history.
So, what about you? When did you know the one was the one? Was there a moment? A culmination of moments? Are you still waiting to know? Are you still waiting to find him or her?
That was such a sweet story, Wendy. 🙂
My boyfriend and are are still dating, but I could definitely see him as The One. We’ve been through a lot these last few years (long distance because I decided to enroll in graduate school, both of us living with our parents, unemployment, job searching), but we’ve stayed together through it all. One instance sticks out in my mind, though.
When we had been dating for six months, I received an out-of-nowhere call from my dad that my aunt (his only sibling) was on life support in the hospital. She had ovarian cancer and kept it a secret from the entire family. I was the closest one to the hospital by two hours. Unfortunately, my dad had called me when I was in my cube at work. I was extremely shaken up and upset, and asked if I could leave work so I could visit her at the hospital. There was no way I could drive, let alone go to the hospital alone. I called my boyfriend immediately. He was on his lunch break with friends, but dropped everything to pick me up from my office and drive me to the hospital. We went to the hospital and he stayed with my family and I for over 12 hours while we said our goodbyes. He provided such an enormous amount of support to my family and I during a very difficult time. I will never forget it, and it made me love him more than ever. It made me realize that he was definitely a keeper.
Every time I see your username I want sushi. And once I get the idea of sushi in my head I will crave it until I can have some. You’re totally busting my eating out budget, eel avocado!
Haha! Well, at least my username isn’t filet mignon. 😉
I’m not engaged yet, but I’m pretty confident I’ve found him- enough so that even though we’re only about 8 months in, I’d accept in a heartbeat if he proposed tonight (and considering that the thought of any of my previous boyfriends proposing filled me with dread, this is very different).
I don’t know if there was a moment per se, but there have definitely been a few “wow” instances that stand out in my mind. One was fairly early on in our relationship, when he was heading out of town for a trip with the guys and we were unexpectedly able to spend the evening together the night before he left. We headed to a local dive bar for dinner and had one of those conversations that was deeper than it should have should have been for as long as we’d been dating- talking about our feelings on long-distance relationships (he was applying to some grad schools out of state) and how some mutual friends had handled the options, getting advice on one another’s work situations, etc. The way we approached things just seemed to mesh so easily.
Another was attending a college basketball game. We had both been angrily screaming when the plays didn’t go our way and loudly cheering when they did, but when halftime hit I saw a complete other side of him. I had known for a while that he wanted a bigger family than either of us had grown up in (we’re both the oldest of two) and that he wanted to be a coach like his dad has always been, but when the two teams of five-year-olds took the court for their scrimmage, he transformed into coach mode so effortlessly I couldn’t help but grin. He cheered for those kids just as loudly as he did for our alma mater.
My last example was actually our first “fight” if you could call it that. He’s actively involved in his fraternity’s alumni association and tailgated with the guys at the homecoming game, to which I was invited but couldn’t make it because of work. To make a long story short, he had way too much to drink and I spent the evening doing damage control to stop him from embarrassing himself or irritating the guys more than necessary. To say I was unhappy is an understatement, but we didn’t get a chance to talk about it until 24 hours later because of friends staying with me and not having a chance to be alone. When we finally talked in the car, I calmly explained my issues, even though they were mostly centered in “what this means for our future if it were to happen down the line when a family is involved” rather than being particularly bothersome in the here and now. Instead of getting defensive or being freaked out at my implication, he told me he completely understood. To make it even better, he has definitely made concrete changes which indicate that he definitely heard me.
Finally, he has been incredibly supportive as I’m going through some major life changes- realizing that I need a career change and taking a leap to leave my job even though I don’t have a new one lined up just yet (I need to give months of notice to be fair to my current job and can only do it in good conscience during a small window each year while we’re slow). The fact that I know he has my back and respects my decision even though it isn’t a cut-and-dried “responsible” choice means the world. He even took initiative and looked at job prospects in the field I’d like to move into in the city he was hoping to relocate to in the next couple years. When he realized I’d have a better shot here than there, he started looking at moves he could make locally so that I could be on good footing before we decide to move somewhere that would work for us mutually. While I was hoping it was ok for me to factor him into my life decisions, he was factoring me into his and revising his plans accordingly. It shouldn’t be so surprising and nice to be treated as an equal, but it’s incredibly nice to be in a healthy relationship after years of unhealthy ones!
I know none of these are the romantic images of rom-coms, but for me they’re better. They all make me smile because they indicate mutual respect, a shared goal for the future, and compatible ways of approaching things. This, on top of chemistry, is how I know he’s the one. And the fact that whether it’s a good day or a bad one, what I want more than anything is to be curled up on the couch with him talking about it.
That was so sweet. That is what is romantic to me, real life compatibility and partnership, not cheesy rom com type gestures. Congratulations.
I’m about 9 months into my current relationship too. But I knew how amazingly compatible we were pretty early, and our time together has only reinforced that feeling. It’s interesting how with some people things can just feel right early on, and with others it has to build. I wouldn’t say that there is any one way that a successful relationship should be, of course, but with my major loves I could clearly see that *twinkling possibility* of deep compatibility early on. Time definitely fleshes that out though, and sets the stage for happiness down the line.
Aww Wendy! That story is so romantic! That’s the kind of story everyone wishes they had…
I recently had a moment of knowing my current boyfriend is “the One.” For a long time, I had thought that I would marry him. There had been several “realizing he’s the One” moments, but then we hit a rough patch in January and ever since, I had been questioning if it was all worth it and considered leaving him.
Then a few weeks ago, I ran into “the one who got away,” whom I was in love with before I started dating my current, and whom I haven’t seen in months. We ended up hanging out and we were both very aware of the romantic feelings still present between us. He ended up telling me that he wants to be with me. This got me confused, as I wanted him for several years.
While discussing this with my best friend the next evening, she asked “If you knew things would work out between you and (The one who got away), would you leave (current bf) for him?” and without hesitating, I said “absolutely not.” And then it hit me like a ton of bricks that there was NO WAY I would risk what I have with my boyfriend now to pursue something with the other guy. And ever since, I’ve been more convinced than ever that he is the One. 🙂
Well, I don’t know yet if my boyfriend is the one. It hasn’t been a year yet but I am really happy so far… But I did have a moment when I knew things were REALLY good. I always said I’d never date a guy who had braids or wore baggy clothes. When I met my bf I liked him but I went in with the plan to get him to cut his hair and revamp his wardrobe. I mean, what 30 year old man still wears timberland boots and has cornrows? About 4 months into things he came with me to look at an apartment I was interested in. After we saw the place, we ended up just standing outside the car talking about nothing in particular…. And I just remember looking at him, and thinking, I don’t want to change a single thing!! In that moment he was just perfect, braids, baggy jeans and all because that’s who he was and I wanted HIM and nobody else. I don’t know where things will go but I really love him and he makes me happier than any other guy ever did.
So sweet! Had a kind of similar realization with my boyfriend and his baseball caps. Before I got to know him I actually thought he was balding because I’d never seen him without a hat. When we first started dating I teased him a little about his baseball caps, because he actually does have nice hair and he’d wear them all the time, even in doors. So, he stopped wearing them for a couple months (unless we were outside in the sun) when he was around me…at which point I realized he looked great with or without, and it was so HIM that I wouldn’t want him to not wear them just for me.
Awww, such a sweet story. My eyes are watery…
I’m still looking for the one.
But I can’t wait to read other people’s ‘aha’ moments.
Happy Friday everyone!
First of all, I don’t believe in the concept of “The One.” I believe that there are many people in the world who are well suited to us, and it just comes down to a mixture of preparation, luck, and good timing when you fall in love. How many weddings have you gone to where both participants claim to have found “The One” and they end up divorcing later in life? Who you think is the “The One” today may not be “The One” twenty years from now. Life has a funny way of changing us.
That being said, I recently experienced a moment with my boyfriend, and I can only describe it as a feeling of safety. I was in his kitchen opening up a cupboard and a random thought came to my mind. How many times has he let me down or not come through on a promise? I couldn’t think of anything. He always comes through for me. In previous relationships, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Somehow, I always felt like I was hanging on by a thread. With him, I feel safe and comfortable. And I know that when I show him my insecurities or vulnerabilities, he’s not going anywhere. It’s a good feeling.
So for me, it wasn’t a dramatic scene at an airport or a single moment. It’s just been a gradual recognition that I love who he is, and we’re happy together.
Awwww, these stories are all super sweet! I’m still looking, so I don’t have one of my own (yet).
First off, Wendy, I loved your story! How sweet is it that he came and picked you up after you basically broke up with him?? Now, that’s a keeper!
I don’t really think I had a “moment” when I knew that Dave, my fiance, was The One… I knew right away that he was unlike any other guy I’d dated before and that he had potential to be The One, but there isn’t one A-ha moment for me…
I guess what really cemented it for me was the fact that I always wanted to be with him. I commented the other day that my ideal relationship involved living in twin houses, because I need my space. Well, with Dave, that changed. I still liked being alone, but everything was just better with him. I forced myself to really take it slow with him and made a point to only spend 3-4 days a week with him, when really I wanted to be with him every day.
We’d been dating just about a year when he casually mentioned moving out of the city (we lived about 5 blocks apart) and moving in with a friend of his to be closer to work and save money. It was a really casual comment, and he hadn’t really given it much thought, his friend actually came up with the idea… But anyway, I immediately started sobbing. I also need to point out that we were at the laundromat doing laundry when he brought this up. So I’m sitting on top of a dryer crying at the mere mention of him moving 15 miles away… I think that was a big clue for me as to just how much I loved him and wanted him 🙂
He did end up moving in with his friend, but it was only for about 6 months, until we found a place together 🙂
The moment I knew my husband was the one…well, let me start off by saying I really, really love red candy. Any candy that’s colored red…red Starburst, Skittles, etc. The rest of the colors I can do without. One day a friend and I were eating assorted Swedish Fish and I told her “the man I marry will pick out all the red ones for me”. About a year later, I met my husband. He noticed that I really liked red candy, but I never told him what I told my friend. We had been dating for about 2 months when I turned 20. The sweetest gift he gave me was a bag of bulk candy — all red. He had stood in the bulk candy section of the grocery store for about 20 minutes picking out all the red candy (with tongs, of course!). Now, I know it’s silly…but it was just such a random thing I said one time, and the fact that I found the guy who would pick out all the red candy for me…I knew he was “the one”. Five years later, my husband still goes out of his way to show me he loves me 🙂
Also, Wendy, I’ve realized that you and Drew met around the same time my husband and I met (Feb 06) and also married around the same time we got married (July 09). Does this mean I’m about to get pregnant, too? 😉
Only if you want to, hopefully!
We both want to, very badly, but my husband is going to be deployed soon and I do not want to carry our child while he is across the world, unable to experience it with me…so the plan is after deployment. Maybe I’ll just be a year behind you on this one 🙂
I’ve been married 23 years. There have been ups and downs, leaving and staying and laughter and tears. I always tell people I married Prince Charming and I believe that. When we were 18 he fought for me…never let me stay mad and has never changed. In July of 2009, our two oldest sons were in a horrific car accident (both are miracles). In that trauma unit, in my 21st year of marriage, I had my moment. When things are scary, stressful, heartbreaking…he always grabs my hand. It tells me, keep moving…I won’t lose you in this. We think we did a great job as parents, three amazing sons, a good life. Up until my moment I always “hoped” it would last forever. Now…I fight to make sure it does. I hope everyone that reads this gets their moment more than once.
Thank you for sharing that.
Making the choice to *actively* love is one of the best things I’ve learned about relationships in the past year. It probably seems like a no-brainer to a lot of people but it’s been a huge revelation for me.
“Up until my moment I always “hoped” it would last forever. Now…I fight to make sure it does.”
Wow… I think that’s a really great reminder to all of us to never get lazy in our relationships and to really appreciate every moment we have with out SO’s.
My muscles clenched when I read about your sons. How horrible. I have a twenty-year-old son and when he runs late I begin to worry that maybe he’s been in an accident. What a nightmare for you to have two sons injured at once. I’m so glad that you and your husband had that one shining, loving moment in the midst of all the trauma. A marriage like yours is definitely worth fighting for!
amazing. that brought a tear to my eye.
that`s love. thank you for sharing. 🙂
Touching story…
and I didn’t mean to thumbs down you! 🙁
Aww I love all these stories 🙂
There hasn’t been that “moment” where I realized my boyfriend is the one but I can tell you he has treated me like no other being ever has. There are little things he does every day for the passed seven months that just make me smile and I still get butterflies when were together. We currently live together and I guess I am going to see what our relationship is really made out of when I deploy next week for six months. He told me the first month we started dating that if I were to deploy any day he would talk to me everyday. I am leaving having absolutely no worries he would ever cheat and I trust him 100%, and that’s a good feeling. Hopefully in six months I can tell a happy ending 🙂
These stories are all great. This is my favorite weekend open thread so far. I wish I had a story to share. Instead, I will wait for the “how you knew he was NOT the one for you” open thread. I will win that one. If this were a contest, that is, which I guess it’s not. 🙂
Haha that sounds like such a fun thread too though!
I vote that as this is an open thread that you tell that story anyway! I’m very intrigued 🙂
Well, I knew Chris was not the one when I caught him making out with my roommate. With Charlie, it was over beers when he told me he was gay…. Those are probably two of the clearest “you just know” moments I’ve experienced. 😉
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, but the moment I knew that I was going to marry him happened last year.
It was a week and a half before Christmas, and my bf and I were going to an Xmas party when I got a call from my father that we needed to come to the hospital immediately. When we got there, we learned my aunt had had a massive brain aneurysm and needed to be transported to Nashville to a more capable ICU.
My mother was completely hysterical (she had to be medicated in her own room at the ER) because since she and her sister were adopted, my aunt was my mother’s only biological family member and shared a deep bond. In the midst of all this chaos, my bf turned to my dad and asked he needed to do to help. Nobody asked him to help- but he went to our family’s house and picked up extra changes of clothes, medicine, etc- everything needed for an overnight stay at the hospital.
For the three days my aunt was in the hospital, I didn’t drive once. He drove me from my home to the hospital every morning at 8 and back every night, sometimes after 1 AM. He always had extra tissues, and he never complained. He helped my call my professors and rearrange my finals.
After my aunt died, my mother completely lost it. My dad flew to Pennsylvania to go get my brother for the funeral, so I was left alone with her for a day or two. When I took my mother to the psychiatrist she was still so distraught that I had to take her out to the car, so my bf waited in the doctors office for her name to be called.
He never complained- he was there at every second I needed him. It was a messy and trying situation, but he never bailed on me. I had to go tell him to spend time with his family and quit worrying about me! He was there. After going through all that I knew that he was it.
i got chills reading this one!
My husband and I had an unintentional whirlwind romance. His roommate/landlord sold their house out from under them and he ended up with no where to live and moving in with me after about 11 weeks of dating. A few months later, 3 days before christmas, we were standing in the kitchen making dinner when his cell rang with the call that his dad had just had a heart attack. We jumped in the car to drive the two hours to his hometown and only made it halfway before getting the call that his dad didn’t make it. I spent the next week there with him in a house surrounded by his brothers, stepbrothers, stepmother, and his ex wife watching him grieve and feeling completely alone. As I watched his family treat him poorly and completely ignore me in favor of the ex wife, I knew I could be there for him and realized I wanted to be there for him any time he would need me. I can’t pinpoint what it was, but my heart hurt for him so much and through all that mess I realized I couldn’t live without him. 3 years later I am blessed to be loved by him (even though his family still prefers the ex wife).
I met my husband at a sci-fi convention. If you asked him when he knew, he’d say it was instantaneously – the minute he asked for a picture of me in my costume. After meeting that day, we went to the dance that night and spent the whole time together. Outside the hotel room, the night before he went back home to his state, he kissed my hand and thanked me for a lovely time. I knew it was the start of something special then.
We started a long distance correspondence which then evolved into a relationship. He had no qualms expressing his emotions with me and I thought it only fair to reciprocate the commitment when I was starting to share the feeling. The first time he visited me back in NYC, and truly kissed me, I knew then he was the one. Not only did the kiss take my breath away, but it also made me weak in the knees which was a first for me. I knew I never wanted to kiss anyone else like I kissed him again.
I knew James was the One for me when he inadvertantly got me over my fear of death. As a funeral director we are taught that we must accept our mortality, and that was always very hard for me. I couldn’t fathom not thinking; just simply being no more, yet I didn’t have the faith to make me wholeheartedly believe in a cloudy afterlife.
One night James turned on the song “Follow You in the Dark’ by Deathcab for Cutie and then turned to me and said, “It’s true. I’ll follow you wherever you go.” It was such a simple thing to say and he had no idea what it meant to me at the time, but it showed me that somehow he understood what I needed even wihtout me telling him too.
True love is finding someone who needs what you have to give while giving you what you need.
Man, I remember asking people the same question and their answer always FRUSTRATED me to no end! “You just know.” But how do you know? What do you feel? I wanted a concrete answer so I knew what to look for when my time came.
Sadly, if I was asked the same question, my answer would be the same. You just know. I wish I could offer a more concrete answer but that seems to be the best one.
I knew my boyfriend had the serious potential of being The One when we first met. He was my physical therapist and I was a patient at a chiropractic office. I got to know well and as I spent more time with him, I knew that I had such a strong possibility that I could fall in-love with him. Unfortunately, I thought he was already somebody’s live-in boyfriend already so my feelings were aborted on take-off. We then lose track of each other and three years passed. Something triggered in me to read my journal entries and his name popped up only ONCE and I decided to find him without any expectations of anything but a “hi/hello.” Luckily for me, he was single then and so was I. We ended up dating all of six days before deciding to be in a committed relationship. I didn’t notice it at the time but our official anniversary is three years TO THE DAY of the journal entry I had mentioned him in.
I guess that for me, when I tried to picture my life without him was when I knew he was The One. I just couldn’t do it and the harder I tried, the more I felt like crying and being upset. I also knew that I loved him so much that if his happiness lay with someone else or just apart from me that I would let him go. When you can place someone elses’ happiness ahead of your own, I guess that person has a great chance of being the elusive One.
My fiance and I also did the long distance thing for 6 months before I moved to be with him, I know how that feels!
Anyways, my fiance was my roommate (and BFF)’s brother who lived 3 hrs away. I knew him a little bit but not much but I knew his parents pretty well. So only a few weeks after beginning to date it was Easter and his parents invited me to spend the weekend at their place and I did.
I had a pretty rough childhood due to depression and its a pretty sad story but I’m all better now. I always let people get to know my story really slowly, revealing bits and pieces along the way of our friendship but one night we lay in bed and I told him it all, which I had never felt comfortable enough with someone to do all at once. We were both crying when I was done and he looked me in the eye and said “this just makes me want to love you more.”
I have another question for you: once you know s/he is “the one”, how do/did you know you’re ready to get married?
For me those 2 things were kind of one in the same. Once I knew, how could I not marry him?! I would have said yes a year into our relationship. It took him 3 years and 3 months to ask me (but who’s counting, right?), but I think it was worth the wait. I’m 29, but I think I had a bit of growing up to do before I actually got married, so it’s a good thing he waited.
I think that’s a really good question, I’ve been with Mr.Ally for 3 1/2 years (I’m sure he’s the guy for me) – but I’m young! I don’t know about marriage just yet, is it an idea you grow into?
I was young when I got married (23), but I wanted to be sure I accomplished a few things on my own before getting married, like graduating from college. I know a lot of girls who move right from depending upon their parents to depending upon their spouse, and I think that’s a recipe for disaster. Other than that, I’ll tell you what I tell my friends…on your wedding day, you need to be sure that you’re okay if the person you marry stays exactly the way they are. I think too many people go into marriage thinking they can change their person they’re with, and that won’t happen.
Ally – I don’t necessarily think it’s an idea you grow into. I think you just reach a certain point where the idea is no longer scary and it feels right. It’s really hard to say! It’s like when people ask how you know you’re in love…you just do!
I knew we were ready for marriage because not only did I want to spend my life with him but I also felt that we were committed for life whether we were married or not. I think that the commitment must be there before you’re ready to marry. I didn’t feel that we needed to get married for us but more for society and because we wanted to have children. We were together for life regardless of marriage.
I thought my boyfriend something like the one, even though I had never believed in that concept,or at least the best match for me. We had been friends for over 5 years, close friends and recently began dating 6 months ago. I’d always held those feelings back from him and I was back in the area for a weekend and boom, fireworks, magic, etc. He called me the next day (after I returned to where I’m attending grad school) and confessed how he felt. It was so…relieving. It felt so right and it was so healthy and fantastic to be with someone who I cared about for so long.
The distance began to get hard about 6 weeks ago and I brought up the topic of the future, with me graduating soon and him potentially heading off to post-bachelor schooling. Nevertheless, we’d been friends for so long that I figured this was a hard patch, being long distance and me writing a thesis, him waiting to find out from schools.
I broke the conversation of relocation about three weeks ago now and it freaked him out, because he didn’t have a “place” to be at yet and didn’t want me to change my plans because of him. I’m not looking for a huge commitment…just potentially a non-long distance relationship. Anyway, it’s all hypothetical because neither of us has a “destination” at this point. He said he couldn’t handle the stress of figuring out his education plans for next year and worrying about me changing my plans…so couldn’t handle the relationship right now. But didn’t want to lose me as a friend, said I was irreplaceable, and saw us together in the future. He said he realized he was sabotaging something good and would likely regret this.
Following this breaking-up conversation, I left a message for him. I realized that I didn’t want to, at this point, make that commitment for moving, since I have put a lot of effort into my degree and owed it to myself to pursue it. However, I cared about him a lot and thought we could persevere and wanted to work it out if he did.
I haven’t heard from him since the break up conversation. I’m heart broken, because I feel like I’ve lost a close (best) friend in addition to a boyfriend.
So now I’m not sure how to feel. I really thought this was someone I would be with for a long time…and because there wasn’t a lot wrong with our relationship (mainly just the distance was hard), I didn’t see this coming. I don’t know whether this is a serious bump in the road or whether it’s done forever…at least I have my thesis to throw myself at and some really great friends.
I am currently dating someone, but I don’t have a “=He’s the one” moment. At least not yet. It’s been about 4 months. All I can say is that I am soo happy. Even on rainy days, I know that there is someone out there that loves and cares for me like he does, and that makes it all the more better.
Trust me, I won’t be letting that go anytime soon.
This post just gave me goosebumps.
A few months ago, my boyfriend was driving up to help a friend work on his house, about an hour and a half away. He had left about a half hour earlier and I was about to leave for work when I realized my keys were in HIS car. I called in a panic and he turned right around to bring them to me. Feeling embarassed, worried about getting to work, and scared that he would be mad, I sat on the curb and cried cried cried.
When he got back, he saw my tear-streaked faced and pulled me into a hug and said “What’s wrong honey?” He wasn’t mad at all – he just sat and consolled me and made me feel so much better. I’ve dated a lot of jerks in the past who would have taken the opportunity to get mad – my boyfriend didn’t do that.
I don’t really believe there in The One but I think that was the moment I realized he was pretty damn special.
I’m still dating my boyfriend (in our early twenties, not ready for marriage yet!) but I definitely had a moment that I knew I wanted to be with him for years to come. It was about 2 months into us dating. I have to say that we dated (as in went on dates) for 3 months before we became an official couple because I was leaving for grad school so we wern’t sure about a relationship. I had just finished college and was home for a few weeks before grad school. We went out to a nice restaurant in my home town, but as we stepped out of the restaurant and into the building’s lobby we saw that it was pouring down raining. Without me saying a word, he just said “Give me the keys, I’ll go get the car”. And that was it for me. Getting the car in the rain was something my dad has always done for my mom, and I knew it was a quality I wanted in a guy.
I never had an ‘aha’ moment, but I knew he was the one because I simply stopped considering anyone else.
I’d never had a roaming eye when I was in previous relationships, but I still noticed the cute or charismatic men in the room. When I started dating my now husband 8 years ago, I simply stopped noticing them – I knew whatever they had to offer me couldn’t get close to what I had in my boyfriend/now husband. We got married after 4 years of dating and I still don’t notice anyone else 🙂
I’m the same. My husband is the only one I notice and I’ve never been attracted to anyone since I met him but I never had a specific aha moment.
Your thoughts?
Last Saturday, I went on a date with a guy. He was a little nervous in the beginning, but after a couple of beers, he loosened up. We then went to a bar, had drinks, everything was fine. He wanted to meet again on Tuesday, because he was going to his sister’s graduation from the Navy on early Thursday morning, so Wednesday night was not an option. Again, we met, it was a fun date. We actually went to a shopping mall (it was raining outside), did a little bit of shopping. We were holding hands, hugging, kissing every now and then.
Thursday he got to his old place, and we were skyping. He moved in my area a couple of months ago, and he’s still trying to sell his old place (that’s what he told me). So his house, in which he hasn’t lived in two months, has internet, electricity, and TV (I heard the TV, I saw the lights on, and we were skyping, which you need internet for). He took his laptop to show me around the house, and I noticed a pair of women shoes on the bedroom floor. He said he broke up with his ex a year ago, because she cheated on him. How come her shoes were still in his house? They didn’t bother him for the past year? Or maybe those weren’t her shoes?
Anyway, I didn’t really make the connection at the time, and I didn’t ask him right away, to see his reaction (if he can come up with a lie fast 🙂 ). But the last time I had a guy’s shoes in my bedroom… was, well, never… When I have people over, they leave them at the door, and take them with them when they leave…
So I sent him an email asking him about these inconsistencies in his story. Basically, who’s living in that (his?) house. He hasn’t replied yet. I thought he would come up with something in 48 hours… I understand he’s with his family (mom, sis) for the graduation ceremony, and Easter’s tomorrow, but still…
The theory I have right now, is that his gf (wife?) lives at the house, and he was trying to cheat on her with me. The distance between his old place and his new job is 850 miles, and she’s probably not able to relocate yet. So he’s trying to get a girl over here too. Am I somewhat right???
He hasn’t gotten in touch with me since my last message, so I guess silence is an admission of ‘I’m busted’? What do you guys think?
He’s a geek, and I like geeks. And he doesn’t mind shopping – I know that’s rare… And he kissed my hand, the way I like it. (If a guy reads this – kissing a girl’s hand is such a turn on… I was lucky I was in a car, or I would have been all over him 🙂 ) Guess that’s why I’m still thinking about it. But I’ll be over him tomorrow, I promise 🙂
(If you think it’s your boyfriend, I can provide more details.)
I guess I should come up with new dating rules – meet everyone in their life – parents, boss, high-school friends, and personally check the last 5 known addresses :).
Maybe… his sister was visiting him? 🙁 I don’t know. Kind of weird he didn’t answer. Post an update when he does.
If there is a woman living in his place there should be more than a pair of shoes laying around. Women add touches like pictures and flowers and candles that a man wouldn’t so think back to what else was sitting around. Was there a suitcase sitting around? Could someone be staying there just because they’ve come to see his sister graduate?
You could find the phone number for his place and then call it when he is in your area and see if anyone answers and if there is an answering machine whose voice is on it. If he owns the place you can also see if you can find the property records online and see if he owns it by himself or with someone else. The property records in my county are online at the county auditors office.
This is so tough because you just don’t know, he sounds nice except for the pair of shoes.
@Maracuya – his sister was on the base – they don’t let those kids outside before graduation. He didn’t get back to me because he went to his sister’s graduation, then on Saturday, they went sightseeing in Chicago with his sis and mom. So he called this morning. I didn’t hear the phone (it always happens :), and he left a message. I didn’t listen to the message, but I called him back as soon as I saw a missed call from him. He said those were his niece’s shoes (I had no idea his family was staying at his house – he didn’t mention it), and he has TV and Internet because it’s cheaper to get them together (I should have asked why he still needs it there if he’s not living there). Anyway, I appreciated him calling and talking about it. It’s more straight-forward than an email… (which is what I did…). I guess it was good in the end, since we talked about it in an open manner.
He said something in the voicemail – why can’t you trust people just because of the way you were treated in the past? Spot on, dude! Did I mention he’s smart?
(well, he also said that I can call him and apologize, but since I didn’t listen to the message, the ‘apologize’ part didn’t happen. not sure i would’ve done it though…)
I told him I wish he cleared the air sooner. His reaction – why, have you met someone else? Nope, dude, but I wouldn’t have spent the last 3 days thinking what a jerk you are…
to be continued…
Something seems off to me here. I’d probably believe the thing about his niece’s shoes (as an earlier post mentioned, women usually add more touches to a place then just shoes) but “you can call back and apologize”?!? Who does he think he is? That’s such an arrogant and accusatory statement! If I were you, I would take that as a huge red flag.
Why should you need to apologize for asking about women’s shoes in his bedroom? He should be happy to clear up the whole situation and just be glad to hear your voice on the phone. Also, just because he went to a graduation and the next day sightseeing with his family doesn’t mean he didn’t have a few minutes to call you. As much as anything else that makes me wonder if he had to wait until someone like a wife or girlfriend wasn’t around to hear him. You’re also right about the TV/internet connection. Why keep them and have to pay for them if you aren’t going to be using them? He would need to keep the electricity on so the place could be shown to potential buyers but the other things don’t need to be there. Also, why did he leave so much of his stuff behind when he moved? Why didn’t he bring the TV with him? Maybe he just fit what he could in a car but maybe somebody else is using them.
He said I should apologize for jumping to conclusions about him having a gf and me not trusting him. When he left the message, he didn’t know whether I’ll call him back, so he said he’ll let it slide.
We did resume contact, and after a few messages back and forth, he asked for a sexy pic. Sorry dude, I just met you last week, that’s not going to happen. I don’t even know his last name, although I don’t know if that’s a requirement :).
There are some other red flags, but I won’t bother you guys.
Keep the nice stories coming! They’re wonderful to read!!!
Sorry, I was asking a sarcastic, rhetorical question but there is no tone of voice in a text to show that.
Skyblossom, I completely agreed with everything you wrote in your previous post. Guess I should have mentioned it. And I don’t understand why you had to say ‘sorry’. I just provided a little bit more details and I still didn’t tell the whole story – I did, in fact, send him an email asking him point blank… I also said that what goes around comes around… I guess that’s why he got so defensive.
I appreciate your advice (because it kinda means I’m not paranoid), and in case it doesn’t come through, I’m using a thankful tone.
And there are so many wonderful stories on this thread, I just didn’t want to spoil it anymore. I know it’s the weekend thread, and we can write about anything, but I guess, if I have any more questions, I should keep them for Wendy :).
to me you hardly know him. So asking him about the shoes the way you did was a little strange. I would just have let it organicly come up in conversations with him on the phone. He doesn’t sound like a guy that is going to be a long term partner though. Sexy pic? If a guy asked me for that I wouldn’t talk to him again.
Yeah, the sexy pic thing would totally creep me out too. I think something definitely seems off about this one.
My boyfriend lives in Chicago and I in Phoenix. We’ve been dating about a year now. Last November, I got really, really sick, and my appendix burst. As someone who’s relatively healthy with no known medical problems and nothing ever close to a hospital stay previously, being in the ER for seven hours and then heading into surgery for an appendectomy was really scary for me. I called my boyfriend before I headed into surgery, and he spent a few minutes reassuring me that everything was going to be fine. All his communication with me after this was through my mom, who he was calling and texting constantly for updates (I was too drugged-up and weak to carry a conversation).
One complication led to another and instead of being in and out in a few days like most routine appendectomies, I was in the hospital for two weeks. He sent me flowers and text messages constantly. About a week into my stay, my mom got up to go use the vending machines in the hallway, and a few minutes later, my boyfriend walked through the door! He came to stay with me for a day. He said that all he could think about while I was in the hospital and he was 2,000 miles away was that he wished he could hold my hand. So my mom and her husband paid for him to come out and surprise me for a whole 24 hours – and he held my hand the whole time. That’s when I knew.
These are all really sweet. It’s enjoyable reading them.
I have had a few “aha” moments of my own, and will share one here. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and though we’ve had our ups and downs, we always work through it.
He is my first “official” boyfriend. I had a few dates with a guy in high school, but other than that, my dating experience was absolutely zero. I’m one who was pretty picky about guys I wanted to have as boyfriends and would never just date someone to have a significant other. I met my guy at a summer camp where we were both working. (It’s on the border between Canada and the US–this will be significant later.) We started talking and hit it off really really well. One night, we were able to take a walk to the border and get to know each other better. I was the one who had suggested we think about dating but he wasn’t sure what he wanted. We knew after we went home at the end of summer that we would live 315 miles away from each other. When we reached the border, we stood there for a while, just facing each other, one in each country, both thinking about what we were about to embark upon. By this time it was about midnight. He told me to close my eyes. I did, and he kissed me softly. I was 21 years old, and this was my first kiss, us standing inches away from each other but in two separate countries. He was unaware at that moment, but after the kiss ended I told him that he was my first kiss. He didn’t believe me at first, but then smiled and asked: “Do you want to try it again?”
Two years later and we’re still in a fulfilling and rewarding relationship. That night was a pretty obvious sign to me that this was a guy more than worth my time. Finding “the one” isn’t necessarily about fairy tale story endings, it’s about following the signs that the person you’re with is going to treat you with dignity, respect, and might sweep you off your feet every once in a while. 🙂 It’s about willingly staying up until 4 am talking to your significant other on the phone because he or she is upset and needs someone to talk them through a difficult situation. It’s about working through those stupid arguments and finding compromise. It’s about fighting to make it work. It’s about knowing that you will love this person no matter what happens.
Well… I went six years being just friends with my now fiance. He was one of my best friends, but I hardly got to see him, given he lived a couple towns away, and was sort of a flake. But he would call me on the phone almost every night, and we could talk for up to eight hours. I was in love with him for almost all of those six years, and couldn’t stop thinking about him, even when I tried moving on (aka dating other people). When distance and time doesn’t break the feeling of pure sadness that you can’t tell someone how you feel, then I figure it’s a little more than a crush.
Eventually, he realized I was a girl. Kissing him for the first time was one of the most natural feelings (and this is coming from a girl who didn’t like to kiss before that). He knew I was moving away after a year, and while we tried to make light of the relationship at first, it quickly became serious. After four months, he said he would move to Philly after me.
He’s the only guy I could ever imagine myself with forever. He’s willing to compromise, he forgives me, and is truly sorry for his own mistakes, he makes me laugh and think, he wants to take care of me, and I want to do the same for him.
Man, I shouldn’t read the weekend open threads when I have important things to get done xD Now all I can think about is love and romance and related things, and that’s not very helpful when you have to write about food allergies in children 😛
My “moment” was our very first date. I met my bf when I was 19 and we both worked as a pizza place. I thought he was cute and I actually asked him out. I had heard of a local pool room where people could go who were 18+ so I suggested that we go there (since we were both under 21 at the time). He agreed and we got in my Jeep but I didn’t know exactly where the place was and was unable to find it. This was in 2003, before everyone and their sister had a GPS (we still don’t!). We ended up just driving around talking and laughing and eventually decided to just park somewhere, so we parked behind the Domino’s where we worked and continued talking throughout the night. It wasn’t awkward at all and we never ran out of things to talk about that entire night. Next thing I knew, the sun was coming up and it was 5:30 am. I remember that feeling like I didn’t want to leave him because we were meant to be together. We had our first kiss that night and have been a couple ever since. Our 8 year anniversary is coming up this June. I’m hoping for marriage and kids soon since we’re no longer kids.
My moment where I knew my fiance was the one came really early on in our relationship- about two weeks of dating. I was waiting for him to pick me up for a date on Friday night and he was about an hour late- no phone call, nothing. Finally, I get a call from his cell phone and it’s some strange guy’s voice on the phone, dropping the phone and fumbling around. The guy was like “Steve can’t pick you up for your date tonight.” Then he dropped the phone and started laughing. I thought it was a prank and was so bummed about it. Five minutes later, I get a phone call from a local hospital and a nurse was on the phone and she asked for my name and she’s like I have a Steve on the phone for you. Turns out, a couple hours before our date, he had a heart attack out of nowhere (he was 23 and in great health) and had to be air lifted to the hospital. The fact that in the midst of that frightening experience, all he cared about was calling me to apologize for not picking me up for a date, made me turn into a sappy pile of mush lol
I knew at the moment that this was a guy who would always put me first and who I really cared about. And we’re getting married this August! I can’t wait.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and I’m pretty sure he’s “the one”.
I’ve never had a single “aha!” moment, but all sorts of little things make me think that he’ll be around for a long time.
We met online, and had our first date after about a week of contact. We sat in a coffee shop chatting about my school, his job, yada yada and I mentioned that I was part of the Taiko (Japanese drumming) ensemble at my university. In passing, I said “yeah, our concert’s this Saturday, it’s free, you could come if you want.” (this was Wednesday.) I also mentioned that my parents and brother would be there. I didn’t expect to see him, but he showed up! He was very gentlemanly and said hello to my parents and shook my dad’s hand, even though I’m pretty sure he was terrified. On our next date I thanked him for coming and told him I hadn’t really expected him to come since we had just met, and especially because he knew he would meet my parents. He just shrugged and said “I liked you, I wanted to see you again.”
More recently, we went to the wedding of an old friend of mine, and were discussing the ceremony afterwards while walking in the church garden. He was kind of staring off into space and said absently “Maybe we should get married in Cambridge, alumni get access to the chapel there, and it’s really nice.” Then he caught me staring at him and added really quickly “…if we get married…” all embarrassed. We’ve never seriously discussed marriage before, so it was very out of the blue and super cute! I was all giggly for the rest of the day after that 🙂
my bf always says “if we get married”. He recently said “I plan on dating you until we get engaged”….haah
I met my boyfriend one month before he left the city we were both living in (Prague). It was incredibly romantic (something I normally would detest), we parted ways on the Charles bridge at dawn never expecting to see one another again. We had exchanged email addresses but neither of us were good at staying in touch so we expected nothing. But for the next year, even with him moving again from the US to Taiwan we emailed multiple times a day and had weekly skype dates which he never missed. He woke up in the middle of the night to talk me through my mother’s cancer diagnosis. I knew then he was the one even though we weren’t together, because he was there for me even when he had no reason to be. I took a huge chance when my job in Prague finished and applied for jobs in Taiwan. Even with all my friends and family telling me not to do it, I knew the right thing was to be in the same city as him and give it a chance. It was the best decision I have ever made, and I still believe that 3 years later. Every day it just keeps getting better.
Great story, Bekah. 🙂
This is pretty off topic, but my boyfriend is Taiwanese and we’ve tossed around the idea of moving to Taipei someday! As an expat, do you have any tips for finding a job there?
Well teaching English to children is the most available job in Taiwan. But you have to like children and teaching for it to be a good fit. The pay is good for here and you can live a good life style. I’m pretty sure the pay scale is quite low compared to America, but living costs are lower here and I’m not sure since I haven’t worked in America since I graduated 4 years ago! I hope this helps! Good luck, Taiwan is a beautiful place.
Early in my relationship with the BF, we had some rough times; nothing really major, but just an accumulation of little things and I had wondered more than once if all of it was worth the hassle. When we had been together 5 months, my grandmother passed away suddenly. I got the call on a Wednesday that she wasn’t going to make it through the weekend. He had finals that he could not reschedule the next day, and I was upset that he couldn’t (in my mind, wouldn’t, because I wasn’t being rational) come with me to meet her before she died since she was so important to me but lived quite a distance away. I knew I had to leave right away – about 3 in the morning – to get there and see her. He promised to come down the next day and join me after his finals, but unfortunately she passed away before he arrived. The “aha” moment, however, came when we were talking on the phone the second time, just before I left (I had called him, then called work and explained the situation, and called family, before calling him back). I was so afraid she would pass before I got down to see her and tell her goodbye, and my self-proclaimed agnostic boyfriend told me he’d spent the last hour praying that I would make it because he knew how much it would mean to me; and not just generically “Oh, I hope it happens” but actually praying. That was when I knew that I was valuable enough to him that he would humble himself like that.
I’m a little late to this party, but I have a story to share. I’m not sure it made me believe he was “the one” but its when I knew I could be with him a long, long time…
My boyfriend is more serious while I’m a little childish and playful. Sometimes I’m so sure he is getting exasperated by my teasing/joking nature. We went to Orlando on vacation (I went to college there so its more like my hometown than a tourist attraction to me) and found ourselves at Downtown Disney one night. We wandered into a store where they have these collectible vinyl Mickey Mouse figurines. I had never heard of them before… but they were really cute (I love Mickey!). It was basically like 8 different figures and you get a box that has a random one inside… I thought that sounded fun: you buy it and you don’t know which one you’re getting and then you rip into it and see. I thought he would think I was again being ridiculous, but instead he said “Well, lets each pick one and see what we get!” Then we both spent a long time deciding which box was the right box. It was fun! The fact that he was willing to loosen up and play along with me made me really happy. I have both little figures on my mantle now and when I look at them it reminds me that he loves me enough to be goofy right alongside me.
I feel like this probably makes me sound jaded, but I’m not sure I buy into the “you just know” feeling anymore. I was with my last boyfriend for 2 years, and when we met, the first year of dating was a whirlwind of not so much perfection, but perfect-for-the-situation. It was long distance for 8 months, but we talked every single day. Most of that time, I felt that twinge of “this is different, he is the one for me.” When things fell apart later, it was proven that he was definitely not the one.
My fiance was my best friend for a long time before we became romantic. I knew he was the one when I could not see myself with anyone else and knew I would be devastated if he ever wanted someone else. He’s the one and I can’t wait to be his Mrs.
We were sitting in a pizza parlor before going to a show, and all of the sudden it was quiet. I was looking at the napkin holder when all of the sudden it was like someone slapped me in the face. It was in that 1 minute of silence that I realized that it was the first time in the years that I had known him that we didn’t have anything to say to each other, or that there was a pause in a conversation, and realized all the rad things we had ever talked about, all the same things that we loved, how our personalities and outlook on life was the same, basically how he was totally my best friend ever. I just realized that he was honestly the best person I have ever known, the only person I have ever been uninhibited with and respected so much as a person and how he treated everyone. It was like I found every quality i had ever written down in my ‘dream list’ and more, but yet I was so used to jerks and people letting me down I was in a cycle of bad relationships. I looked at him in a totally different way right then, from a friend to the person I never wanted to be without. So yes, that was the moment and all those thought occurred in the small pause between conversations and I made my mind up to see if he felt the same way and decided to jump in and I am so glad for it! Everything with us had grown organically over years before that and created a super strong foundation of trust and communication and now, 3 years later, I still look at him with the same respect and admiration as I watch him interact with others and with our children (we both had children from previous relationships) and he makes me want to be a better person. He has always had that effect on me, and I hope he always does. It is the healthiest, happiest and most beautiful relationship I have ever been in, but in reality the best relationship I have ever had with another person in general aside from the romantic part. In turn, it has helped me with every other relationship I have, with my family and friends. And all it took was a momentary lapse in conversation to wake me up.
My husband and I met and had only four weeks together before we moved to different countries. Three months later, he came to visit me in Russia. In the intervening time, I’d gotten a cat. He’d never had a pet in his life, nor had he ever been in close quarters with one for any length of time. We spent 16 days sharing one small room with my new, hyperactive nine-month-old kitten.
My now-husband had been knitting his very first vest when we met, and had just finished it before coming to visit me and my cat in Russia. We came home from being a tourist, and found my cat struggling with one paw in his suitcase. He’d gotten it stuck in the beautiful hand-made vest, making a big pull.
My husband said, “oh, well,” rescued my cat gently, put the vest back in the suitcase, and said “I can pull that through later.” No drama, no anger, no meanness directed to my poor distressed pet–all from someone who had no pet experience.
I realized then that this was the kind of man–and probably THE man–I wanted to marry. It’s been nearly four years, and now my husband and my Russian cat are my family.