Am I in the wrong ?
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So my life is pretty com0ecated right now. I was with my boyfriend of 5 years we have two children nd recently broke up about a year ago I’m only 21 we have 3kids and 1 on the way. I left him because of constant verbal and physical abuse. Then I was having to work to take care of our family and got pretty tired of it. So when I left I left for good, we became homeless so after about six months I decided I could do bad by myself not knowing at the time I was pregnant with my third child. Long story short my mom both two oldest kids to help me since I didn’t have a place to stay. She moved to a different state with them I would regularly go visit but at the time I was pregnant sleeping in my car. After I had the third baby I lived with y father for a few weeks. The police busted the house they didn’t find anything and no one went to jail but it’s just really unsettling not knowing when you will wake up again with pistols and shit in your face. So after that we went to live with my aunt. I struggled to find a job and started stripping was helping put food in the home and taking care of y son during the day and she would have him at night while I went to strip and make money. Eventually she had a man move in and kicked me out knowing I had nowhere to go but she said my baby could stay so once again I was homeless. Found out I was pregnant again after contracting an std which was the final straw for me and my ex. So now I’m pregnant living with my mom and her ex girlfriend and my three children. Me and her girlfriend don’t get along she verbally abused me as a teenager has even hit me with objects before. It’s one of those situations where the step parent oversteps their boundaries and of course being a teen that made me rebellious so we really have never gotten a,omg. Well while I was staying with my aunt I told her to file my taxes which she did but didn’t mention the fact that she was using my information I gave her to take my whole tax check from me. She went as far as to get a prepaid card in my name and used that account for my money to be deposited without my knowledge. Months went by and I had heard nothing so when I finally moved in with them I was going through her computer and found the card. Asked her and turns out thank god they labeled my tax return as fraudulent and claimed I had to go identify myself. I go to identify myself then all of a sudden she claims she wasn’t going to give me anything but when I get the money wants me to give my mother half I’m only getting 6000 back that leaves me with 3000 dollars. She claims it’s from my children living with her but my mom was paying her rent the whole time and helping with utilities. She buys food for my children diapers and everything. Now keep in mind my mother is very soft spoken so her ex girlfriend uses that to her advantage. My mom is on disability and this woman literally will try to get my mom out of a lot of money. But I didn’t see this shit until I came up here. But anyway I spoke to mom about it and she said her ex was calling the irs pretending to be me and all types of shit. It’s so crazy she feels she is entitled to my money. She claims she wants to help us but how are you helping me exactly? I have three children and one on the way I have to get my car fixed pay some tickets so I can get my license plus find a place for me and my kids to stay ? My mom told me to only give her 1500 and keep the rest. Her ex doesn’t know but I have called the irs and had then send my check to a different location so when I get it me and mom can just go on our way and leave this shit behind. Mom has a check for 2000 in her pocket and I told her not to even tell her because she was demanding half of that!! She get paid over 20 dollars an hour enough to cover all her bills I don’t know what she does with her money but after seeing all this shit she has no intentions of really helping us she just want money. My mom when she was able to work took care of her lazy ass for years now the shoe is on the other foot. This woman has saved peoples socials and filed taxes in their names and kept all the money because she owes to the irs plus student loans. Currently have a 600 dollar light bill and is stressing to pay it because she Spain’s it’s our fault I read the bill……it’s two months behind! Mom paid her last month and this month ! I’m so over it. She’s went and told people about my std that my ex gave me found my hospital papers in my bag and took pics of it Nd sent it to my dad girlfriend and my aunt who told everybody! Like she is really mean and just thinks people are supposed to bow down to her. Would me and mom be wrong to just leave when I get my money. I’m so irritated by this whole thing , how bad she talks about me to MY family. Goes tells my business to everyone when I don’t even want people to know I’m moving here. Also plan on starting a business so I will have income for me and my kids. I got approved for a apartment based on income so I will have somewhere to go. Sorry I’m rambling but my situation is so fucked. Am I in the wrong for wanted to just leave and give her nothing?
I mean, birth control? Condoms! Please. I couldn’t read past pregnant with the 4th but come on. You need to either terminate this pregnancy or place the baby for adoption. Doesn’t matter if you don’t want to. Next, stop making easily preventable, stupid decisions. You do have control over getting pregnant. Seriously. How are you even horny when you are living in a car, stripping, having guns in your face, lost your kids….
As I type this I seriously think this letter is fake.
Make some damn good decisions if it isn’t. You are your problem. And also “you were working and got tired of that”. What?? Welcome to everyone ever.
Maybe I’m missing something obvious, but why did you tell your mother’s ex-girlfriend to file your taxes for you? It sounds like you already knew she was an abusive and dishonest person, so why would you give her access to your SSN and thousands of dollars of your money?
Fortunately for you, her attempt to steal your refund didn’t work, so you’re getting your money. Now, it sounds like they did give you and your kids a place to stay and buy them diapers and food, so I think your mom’s request for $1,500 sounds reasonable. I think you should give $1,500 directly to your mom when you get your refund, and it would be great if she’d come live with you in your apartment and help with the kids so you can work. But it sounds like she’s been with this woman for many years, and I’m not sure she’s going to up and leave her. I don’t think you can count on that.
Finally, what kind of business are you thinking about starting? I hope not the kind where you give someone a bunch of your money for merch to sell.
Telling someone who you consider a bad person who doesn’t like you to file your taxes and then giving them your personal information is a very bad decision.
I would recommend holding off on starting a business. Most small businesses fail and take a lot of money to get them running in a way that will eventually grow and make money. Starting a business is something to do if you’ve already established yourself and are in a position to take a risk. You’re not in that position.
I’d recommend contacting some social services in your area that are geared toward low-income single moms. Perhaps they can help you get connected to resources that can lower your costs so you can save money, as well as get yourself set up to get a better job.
It’s not wrong to leave someone who has defrauded you, but like Kate says, you need to prepare for the fact that your mom may not follow through. You need to have a plan for in case your mom stays with her. For example, if your mom helps babysit, then don’t leave items at her house that the girlfriend can find (like your records). Honestly, the fact that your relatives spread your medical info around makes it sound like they are all pretty shady, so the goal of being able to live on your own would be helpful.
You need to figure out how to become independent. Contact your county and see what services you can receive and what kind of waiting time that involves. Also talk to a local woman’s shelter. They will take women with children and can put you in touch with all of the local services. Also see if you can get long term birth control like an IUD so that you don’t have to worry about more babies as you try to become independent. See if you qualify for any job training that can help you make a higher income.
If you don’t know who to call at the county see if there is a number for your local county offices. Call that number and then ask them to direct you to the correct office. Get the name of the office and the phone number. In my county it is called Jobs and Family Services. There will be something similar in every county if you live in the US. They should be able to help with everything, including housing, jobs, health care, WIC and getting child support from the fathers of your children. You will want the child support to be automatically deducted from their paychecks and direct deposited into your account.
The local woman’s shelter can also point you in the right direction for help and since your mom’s girlfriend is abusive they could provide you and your children a safe place to stay. You can have their help whether or not your mom leaves her girlfriend.
Let the tax issue be a lesson learned the hard way. Don’t give your personal information to anyone, let alone someone you can’t trust. Keep your information private. We all learn some things the hard way.
If you don’t know how to find the numbers for your county services you can call your local library and ask. The reference librarians will find the information for you. You can also go in and use their computers. I think every public library now has public computers with internet and you can use them. Just go in and ask to use a computer. They will direct you to the correct spot and help you log on.
The other thing to do is to prioritize what you need. First you need a safe place to live for both you and your children. Safety is always first. It sounds like neither of your parents provided that for you and you grew up not knowing what it was to live in a safe home. You can change that for your children. Tell yourself safety first. Ask if any housing situation will be safe and if the answer is no ask yourself what else you can do. That’s where the woman’s shelter comes in. They will take you and your children and provide all of you a safe place to live. If you mom will leave her girlfriend that’s okay. You need to ask yourself if you got an apartment with your mom would she then move the girlfriend in with you in a month or two. If she would then you can’t move with your mom. Safety is always first.
Then you look for stability. Can you find a safe place where you can stay for a while. Especially as your kids reach school age. They will do much better in school if they can stay in the same school as much as possible. Of course, this is second to safety so if the situation becomes unsafe you move. Part of providing stability is finding a job that can pay the bills. Did you finish high school. If not search for information about getting a GED. Your local library can help with this. Also look into job training in your area or just jobs. See what you can do that will provide you the income to provide a stable home.
Get a bank account and deposit your check in it. Keep the account private. Don’t let anyone know about it. Don’t let them know how to access it. Don’t let anyone near your debit card. Protect your account so that your money remains your money.
Your older kids probably qualify for Head Start. Head Start will provide them with preschool. It should be safe and provide transportation to get there and provide them with a meal while they are there. I think they also provide health services.
Good grief. What a mess. Get your tubes tied, an abortion, and research adoption attorneys.
Your mother’s gf is in the wrong, but your life is totally out of control and that part is your fault.
Keep the money. Sounds like you will need it.
Why are you making all these children you can’t afford to raise? You need permanent birth control. It’s one thing to be irresponsible when it only affects you. Something else when you have kids.
What business do you have time to start? Or money? You don’t have a cushion to start a business. No business is profitable from jump. Have your mom move in with you and you go get a job. Walmart. McDonalds. Teller in a bank. Anything with opportunities for internal advancement. Start whatever business you want to own on the weekends and nights. Because my friend, with 4 kids, you are going to need 2 jobs.
Filing your taxes is super easy and fairly inexpensive. Never have anyone do that for you again. Take the money, give some to your mom, and make better choices.
Google benefits for yourself. Surely you are way below the poverty line. Section 8, foodstamps, etc get it all. Your kids deserve better.
You should consider adoption. There are all sorts of options available to you. You could be giving them a better chance. I know it’s not easy to think about that.
Look into social services.
Use protection. Go to planned parenthood and get on birth control. Stop having unprotected sex and cease communication with your ex as much as you can.
Wow! I am sorry honey but you are probably the biggest mess I have encountered on here to date. Cheesus Crust! I am wishing you luck but if you dont stop making horrible decisions your life isnt going to get any better.
It was very hard to read what you wrote, so I say have more babies!
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