DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I agree, taking a step back from dating (a real one, and possibly a long one) can do a lot of good. I’ve had a bunch of friends do that and not only were they generally happier, but a good number found a solid relationship during that time. And then, if their relationships didn’t work out for whatever reason, they were sad but didn’t have the same kind of desperation as before to find someone new. It’s not a sure way to find the right person, but it can help your perspective on the rest of your life.
I’m smiling because if confidence were so easy for me to have, I’d have it! That’s what I’m working on, and will continue to work on. I have a whole list of things to work on. That’s a big one.
And I’ve said before and maybe I’m the only one that feels this way – i don’t like dating/ going on dates with multiple guys at a time. It just feels like too much and makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps that’s to my detriment, but that’s how I feel. I just don’t like it and I don’t feel like I should have to justify that I don’t like it.
As for dating locally, I usually do, this was my first long distance. There’s not a huge dating pool in my town so I figured it couldn’t hurt to branch out. Trial and error. Shrug.
Nobody is going to force you to date multiple guys at once, but I think it helps with not getting attached to any one guy too soon, and also makes you come across more confident and not come on too strong because you know you have options. I think it’s worth trying, but if you can’t, you can’t.
Anything you’re working on (on your list) that could be helpful for other people on here too?
I second that. Sometimes we have to do what might feel a little uncomfortable to break our patterns. It’s all a part of growing and being stronger individuals. It still may not be something that works for you, but I do agree with Kate in that it will probably help with early attachment and confidence building. This doesn’t mean you have to sleep with them all, either – though you can if you want to 🙂
Ver – I’m not good at dating multiple guys at once, but I do think when using a dating site, it’s good to go on a few first or second dates with different people.
I define dating multiple people and going on first and second dates as two different things. The former, you’d be dating, IDK, two or three guys over an extended period of time simultaneously. The later, you’d go on a dates here and there until you click with someone and then you’d stop going on other first dates to see where it leads.
Let’s see, the list…..
1. Create healthy boundaries with my mother
2. learn to take better care of myself mentally and physically
3. believe that i am loveable and worthy of love
4. believe that I am enough just as i am
5. stop being so hard on myself when things don’t go well
6. stop comparing my life to othersThose are the big ones. There are smaller ones too. The first step in taking care of myself physically was buying some new running shoes after my therapy appointment. I’m going for a run tonight – no excuses. Because I always feel better after I do.
@ktfran and @kate yes, I’m okay with making dates with one or two people and going out a few times to see if it’s a good fit. I just know from experience one time I tried to have three first dates in one week and it was just too overwhelming. I need to be better about figuring out whether it’s worth pursuing after 1 or 2 dates instead of 10
You are a product of your environment and you are a product of what you put into you.
Do small things that make you feel good. Take time to work on “you” mentally and physically. If you don’t feel good about yourself no one else will. That’s it Veritek. No more from here, write when you have awesome dates.
How can going on a couple of “first” dates with different people be hard. You meet new people every day, you handle multiple personalities here on line, treat it like that. Go out meet a person, have a drink. Then go to the next one later in the week.
Don’t “shrug” it off , stop being so “meh” even your Avatar is meh. You seem to have a ton of excuses, at some point turn it around. When it does not go your way or things get tough it seems like you make an excuse or blow it off with a shrug. If you are shrugging and saying “meh” then why should people give you valid advice if you don’t listen. Sure you can say you listen but you have to as you are now putting out the flames of last weekend.
