DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I can see how meetup is harder in a smaller town. And how it would be harder to make single friends who are closer to your age and share the same interest. That sucks, ver. I don’t have good advice on how to build up new relationships in that kind of situation.
I’m certain I’d be in a similar situation if I ever had to move back home.
I don’t mean this to come off bitchy, so please don’t take it as such…but I feel like a lot of times when we have suggestions for how to solve some of the things you mention, I.e., no single friends, you immediately shut it down. I’m not saying what you say isn’t valid, but maybe you could think, ok. This doesn’t exactly work in my town, but how can I make it work? Why don’t you start your own group? Or join an activity that might cater mostly to singles. I think you are going to really start pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone to get to this place of “extreme comfort” with yourself.
No Lianne I don’t think you’re bitchy 🙂
I’m sorry I don’t mean to shut it down. I guess I’m just pointing out the obstacles that I see (which in hindsight does look like excuses or shutting it down) I mean, you live in the Boston area which is HUGE compared to my town of 30,000 and it just has so many more opportunities than my area.
I don’t think I have the time right now to start my own group until I ditch one or two of my jobs but it certainly could be an option when that happens (which I hope is soon!) I’m not sure what type of group it would be but that’s something to think about!
And awhile back I joined a local multisport club but it seemed like an excuse for a lot of people to just hook up and get drunk when they weren’t doing races, which wasn’t what i was looking for. But maybe there’s a different running club or multisport group I just haven’t found yet. I can certainly do a better job of looking for one. I definitely can do better than I have been – you are right.
I agree with @Lianne 100%. I also agree with the spirit of some of jimmy jam’s comments (which I feel were a little too agressive, but definitely some truths that Veritek needs to hear).
Veritek, sometimes you just have to shake yourself out of the pity party. I’m sure you’ve got great friends, but none of that reflects here, because you don’t mention it. Maybe your friendships ARE sustaining you, but from this end it doesn’t look like it. You need to start pushing yourself further.
Yeah, the meetup thing didn’t work, but instead of looking for a different option your attitude is very “oh, well”. Your relationship with TT seems to be all on his terms. You seem like you aren’t every interested in your own agency.We all care about you on DW, but sometimes reassuring words aren’t enough. If the self care, cozy stuff isn’t helping you, Veritek, maybe it’s time for a kick in the ass. Be active in your own life- you DO have the power to change what you’re unhappy with. Work hard- it will be uncomfortable and scary, but we all know you can do it.
Once you truly start finding satisfaction in you and your life, you will see the positivity radiate to all aspects of your life.
Just keep an eye out for new groups – check Meetup once in a while to see if anything pops up. 30,000 isn’t that small. I live in a town of a few thousand, but it’s the suburbs so there are a bunch of other towns around, and then a city of 30,000 just to the north. If you end up starting one someday, a book club is always a good idea 🙂
Just as an example I’m a member of two meet up groups. One is a ‘social group’ and one is a women’s only group. The focus of the social one is festivals, bars, dinners out, movies, etc with both men and women. The women’s group is similar but we do more happy hours, wine tastings, etc. And that’s where I met my friends from book club.
My suggestion if you’re going to create your own would be to look at some examples of meet ups in other cities and what kind of activities you do. And then for my group the original hosts also created open facebook groups and post meetup events in there for people to rsvp too. There have been a larger number of people than I expected who found the group from facebook.
And I understand the small town thing. The area I live in now is bigger than where I grew up, but still not ‘big’. At home there are about 30000 people and the only real options for eating out are Applebees and the local pizza shop.
Oooh I should join a book club. After I finish PMP. All fun books are on hold until I pass that test.
There are lots of options. Many women around here get to gather to knit or crochet. A local yarn shop is willing to host them. You could do that for any hobby. You could go to pottery together or get a group that goes to yoga together. A local yoga group meets for yoga and then walks the two doors down to a coffee shop and spend a few hours together after yoga. Book clubs are very popular. If you didn’t want to host one you could look into starting one that meets at your local library. If you like writing you could start a critique group. If you like to visit museums start a group that visits local and regional museums. I live near a town of 5,000 and there are over 50 meet up groups in our area. That doesn’t include any of the groups mentioned above. I think if you looked you could find something that you like and if there is nothing you could definitely start it. What do you find fun? Think about how you would want a group to function. How often would it meet? How big would you like it to be? Would it be more of a single focus group or more of a single women’s group that does a variety of activities?
I get the small town thing, too. The place I grew up was around 30,000 or so and most of the people my age were married with kids. I spent a few weeks there helping my mom out after surgery a few years ago and the social life is very different there for people in their late 20s and 30s than it is in more metropolitan areas. Mostly of it revolved around church and kids, and if you weren’t really into either, then you were largely just SOL. There are no meetup groups in that town and less than 10 within a 25 mile radius. Meeting strangers online as a way to make friends just isn’t something people there do.
Don’t you run a photography business, veritek? Create a small group of photographers to meet up and share ideas. Just an idea. But find things that you already love and if it’s not there, make it happen. As an example, I’m bisexual and finding other bi friends even with the Internet is not easy. There wasn’t anything in my city specifically for it. So I created a group and slowly started accumulating more bi friends. Through one of those friends, I met my husband, which was a bonus of creating groups and doing my own thing, and by that point I felt ready and had a really full life that I would be okay if things didn’t progress.
