DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Hmmmmm well the date was short, we only met for coffee for like an hour but before the end of the night, he did ask me out again for Sunday and I said yes. I told him I had a good time. He said he did too, and he told me that he thinks I’m cute.
Buuuuuutt….. I haven’t really heard from him much since. I’m not sure if that’s normal, if it’s cuz he’s wiped out from work or if maybe he just isn’t all that interested in me after all.
@MissDre, I would classify his behavior as completely normal. I know some people expect a lot of texting, but it’s only been two days since your date, and you already have plans for another date soon! Personally, I’m a pretty heavy texter, but I still try to keep texting between dates to a minimum in the early stages. Mostly, it’s just much, much easier to get to know someone in person, but texting also creates potential for misunderstandings when you’re not yet familiar with a person’s particular communication style. And of course there’s the disappointment and/or hurt feelings when you’ve invested a lot of time talking to someone and then expectations don’t match up to reality.
Yeah, I guess it’s not a big deal. I think I’m feeling a little disappointed because we were texting daily up until the date (a few text conversations, or at least a daily ‘hello how’s your day going’).
I decided to make a conscious effort NOT to blow up his phone with texts, since I don’t want to come on too strong. But late Thursday night he texted to say ‘hi, how’s it going? how was your day?’ I replied within a few minutes and asked how he was doing, and got no answer. I thought maybe he fell asleep.
Friday, zero texts, no acknowledgement. So I thought I’d be friendly and reach out with something casual last night… no response.
Maybe I’m just reading into it all out of insecurity, but after two days of no communication at all, I sort of feel like he’s maybe lost interested or met somebody else that he’d rather pursue. And if that’s the case…. Oh well. It’s disappointing because I thought he was someone I’d really like to continue getting to know. But what can ya do eh?
Yes, and I’m not really sure how that question is relevant? There are plenty of ladies out there who date white guys and haven’t found a partner either.
For the record, I don’t only date black men. In the past 12 months or so I’ve opened up to indian (sri lankan, bengali, indian), middle eastern (persian, egyptian), hispanic (colombian) and mixed race (indian/white, indian/pakistani). Clearly the problem lies with ME.
It’s not really about white vs. black; it’s about dating against type. It’s something I’ve been meaning to write a post about for weeks and haven’t had a chance to get to yet. I think when we date against type — go out with someone we ordinarily would overlook for whatever reason (including, but of course not limited to, race), something happens on a psychological level that helps breaks patterns we aren’t even aware we perpetuate in the choices we make — choices that we often make subconsciously.
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I didn’t mean to single you out. I just remembered what your specific type is (or, isn’t, as the case may be) and wondered if you’d dated against that type in the last year or so. Sorry if the question offended you.I didn’t mean to get my back up against the wall about it. Sometimes I just get tired. I have people (white people) telling me, “Maybe you should try dating a white guy…” This coming from people who are twice divorced, or being cheated on, or going through custody drama with their baby daddy. In other words, their relationships with white men are shit, yet they somehow think that me being with a white man will solve everything… It just gets annoying at times.
I really have tried to open up and date outside of my type this year (hence the Indian, Middle Eastern guys).
Like I said, I don’t think it’s about you being with a white guy so much as it’s about you breaking a (potentially) subconscious pattern.
Wendy, I think you’re probably right about the subconscious pattern… but I think it’s likely more about me subconsciously expecting to be ghosted, and I’m somehow projecting that vibe. Because I expect it, that’s what ends up happening.
It’s not abut projecting a vibe; it’s about choosing men who will treat you the way you expect (and maybe think you deserve?) to be treated. The “vibe” doesn’t even matter. It’s all about the pattern here, which is long-established in the men you choose to pursue. I’m suggesting that one way to help break the pattern is to make a completely different choice in the kind of men you choose to pursue. Like, go out with someone you ordinarily wouldn’t even notice in a crowded room. (And I think lots of people could benefit from this advice, not just you, Dre; I’m looking at several people who comment heavily on this thread who seem to have long-established patterns in the men they choose to pursue and the kinds of dates/relationships they end up having and the reaction they then have to those guys who inevitably ghost them.).
