DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Yes, way flakier than NY. I keep hearing that from people who live there. It’s probably as hard as NYC but in a much different way.
I’m going to the movies tonight! Then I’m taking a half day tomorrow and going to IKEA.
Now off to finish cleaning/hiding my vibrator and weed since my parents are visiting tomorrow…
Dating-wise it’s been quiet for me. I still have the apps on my phone, but I haven’t checked them for a couple weeks. I realize it’s hard to meet people when I work, go home, repeat, etc. I am taking private language lessons and singing lessons and I do Toastmasters, though the age range is more like 35-50, so it’s not like I have no hobbies.
I met this guy a couple times at different networking events. He recently moved to the city. We had a pretty good chat, but all network-y/professional kind of conversation? Part of me though didn’t want to be more flirty (not that I really know how to flirt) or something because of the professional context? And I have this habit of thinking of the worst possible situation i.e. if we were to go on a date and it didn’t work out, I’d still see him at these networking events. I know people date people within the workplace and school and it’s normal because that’s where you meet people, but I have this, like, barrier. We don’t even work in the same place, obviously.
Any thoughts? I don’t have his contact info as he didn’t have business cards yet, but I’m sure I’ll see him around at some point again.
Wait, you don’t even work together? I don’t see anything questionable about it. Does he know how to get in touch with you, or would you have to run into him again? I really don’t get or buy this “I don’t know how to flirt” thing, it’s called smiling and being cute, but you could hand him your card with your personal cell in pen. Or did you already give him your card and he hasn’t emailed or anything?
Well we’re the same profession and it’s a small community so it’s not a matter of ethics or anything, just potential awkwardness of later run-ins. No, he doesn’t have my contact info, so I’d have to run in to him again, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be soon. My much older boss was at the event so I didn’t want him to see me writing my number out to this guy. Handing a card would’ve been ok to do — I was just in a rush to leave.
Of course there are exceptions to everything, but in my experience trying to date in LA and San Diego, MANY men in large Southern California cities are transplants from places like the midwest who self-selected So Cal because they opted out of a more conservative lifestyle (marrying youngish and having kids). Not to toot my own horn but I’m relatively attractive and well-educted, I never had a problem getting a date. But commitment was another thing entirely. I got a LOT of “oh come meet me and my friends at a bar” etc. Lots of men who think they’re God’s gift, frankly.
Right, that’s my friend C’s experience since moving from the East Coast to LA. She’s really pretty, is a CMO of a startup, fun, travels, plays beach football, goes out all the time… No problem getting a date but it’s all fluff, nothing ever substantial. Flake city.
I haven’t dated elsewhere so I didn’t realize how different the dating climate really is until I met guys from out of town, usually mid-western guys, that were really attractive and successful and married to a low key woman their own age (not flashy attractive AND a professional like all guys think they earn here by not being a full on scumbag) It was a revelation seeing all these married couples that highly valued family. People come to California to have a freer lifestyle, leave behind old values, even religions and cultures. I think one of the reasons I’m so conservative and family-oriented is because I’m rebelling at growing up around a bunch of selfish-seeming extreme sports playing men children.
@HmC that is pretty interesting. I’m the opposite (from the Midwest and still live here) and was cracking up a little because the flakiest/most noncommittal guy I have dated (not just with me…that was sort of his reputation) just moved to California. Haha.
I do think there’s a difference between Midwestern smaller town/city and Midwestern bigger city, because more people move to cities to pursue their own ambitions, and maybe don’t even know where they’re gonna have jobs in a few years (like if they moved to the city for grad school). I would say though that most of my friends/acquaintances are either married/engaged/in serious relationships or very much looking, and that includes guys. But who knows how much of that is region/culture and how much is my friend group.
Curious what dating is like in Chicago, because it’s so big. I wonder if it’s more like NYC dating. Again, don’t really know because I’ve never lived in these places haha
I lived in a big city, where everyone just wanted hookups, and then I moved to a small Midwestern city, where everyone is already married. Guess I should have made the move a few years earlier. 😉
I live in a big city, but I grew up in a town of 6,000 so it’s really weird to people that I’m not married, don’t have children, and don’t live with my parents. I honestly cannot think of one person from my graduating class that doesn’t fit at least one of those three things. Visiting my hometown is weird because when I bump into acquaintances they pity me for not being a single mom, like if I at least had a kid I’d have some sense of purpose? The city is more geared towards hookups, but at least the guys don’t flip out at the site of a condom.
I’ve been living in Chicago for over a year now and from what I’ve observed/experienced here, it’s kind of a mixed bag.
I was living in a small Midwestern city before I came here and when my ex and I broke up when I was 27, I was literally the only single one in my group of friends. A lot of people married young there and a good chunk of my married friends/acquaintances there didn’t seem to be marrying for any other reason than “well, we’ve been dating for a long time soooo might as well!” I hated dating there. Finding men who were educated and ambitious sometimes felt hard.
In Chicago I meet people all over the map in terms of relationship status (at all ages) and when they’d ideally settle down. One of my good friends just turned 30 and is disappointed she’s single and childless while another good friend is early 40s and just loving her life with no desire to be tied down. It’s not hard to find a date here and I’ve been out with men who both do and do not want commitment (in general, not necessarily from me). (Incidentally, the men I’ve met who express a desire to be settled down are usually Sad Singles — the kind who lament to you that everyone but then has settled down — and it turns me off. They always seem to be native Midwesterners.) I do think Chicago has more traditional values than, say, NYC — almost every woman I know who lives or lived there hated the NYC dating scene for the lack of men interested in settling down or commitment. But since it’s a large city that attracts transplants, it’s a far cry from what I’ve experienced in small Midwestern cities.
Just my observations and I really haven’t been here THAT long.
