DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@ktfran the kid decision is interesting…for the past little while, a year I would say, I have been leaning towards the no kid direction. I am 25 and am surprised that I am having these feelings. Maybe it will change if and when I meet the right guy, but I just have enough reasons for not wanting any now or ever really. This thought process also makes me worried dating will be harder since most people wants kids it seems.
Don’t lose heart Cleopatra, I’m childfree as is my husband and in all the groups I’m in on Facebook there are plenty of coupled up people – the vast majority actually.
I didn’t think I wanted kids, then two years ago my brother ODed again. He was fine for the most part, but each time it happens I think “I don’t know how many more of these he will live through”. For some reason that triggered my desire to want kids one day. I have no idea why. Fortunately my brother doesn’t have any children.
my show went really well! things had kind of a slow start with some issues with sounds and lights but once we got going it was a lot of fun and the crowd was into it. sometimes at these things people focus more on drinking and talking but everyone was listening and really into the actual show.
afterwards i spent a long time talking to the guy (i’ll call him the firefighter since he used to be one). and then we made out a lot and he walked me home (even though we were right near his place and mine was the opposite direction).
now i’m feeling a wee bit hungover from friends buying me shots after the show and i have to work all day today and all day tomorrow. boooo!
Kare, I can see how that kind of thing would trigger an instinct to reproduce, but obviously for that to be a good idea it would have to be accompanied by a strong desire to be a mother, and the stability, etc. that go with that. I guess I just mean, a feeling like that is real, but it’s not an indicator that you actually want kids. I know you will anyway, but give it more time.
I’m almost 41 and not in any way regretting my choice to not have kids. And I did meet a guy in the general pool on Match who didn’t want them either and we’re happily married. There are more and more people these days comfortable admitting they don’t.
For you, Cleo, I’d try to weed out the guys who indicate they definitely know they want kids. Go for the ones who aren’t sure or are like “maybe someday.” I think there are plenty of those. It gets easier as you get older and date older guys, because the older you get, the more you “know” one way or the other what you want to do.
I also think a lot of people who don’t want kids are hesitant to choose the “definitely not” option, especially if they’re younger. I think often “not sure” basically means no. So be open to that and have a conversation if things look like they could go somewhere.
@kate I’m not in a rush to reproduce anytime soon. I’ve always liked kids – I used to be a personal assistant/nanny and now I volunteer every weekend with children. For a long time I was more in the “I love kids but I’m not sure I want them” camp. Now I’m more in the “I want them one day” camp. Probably sometime in my 30s if I have a solid relationship, a good job with good benefits and maternity leave policies, a house, and ready to give up traveling plus all the other things I enjoy as a childfree person. For now it’s not an issue since I’m dating very casually and not ready to settle down, but I wouldn’t be in a committed relationship with someone adamantly opposed to having kids one day if that makes sense.
@cleo until I was with my husband I really went back and forth on whether I really wanted them or not. I think being young and having the freedom to do anything you want and truly feel like it’s ok to be fucking crazy is amazing and you should embrace it for as long as you want to. Only when I was with someone I could actually see myself, for lack of a better term, “settling down with,” did I really start thinking I definitely want to be a mother and have a family with this person. So I say, you do you for as long as you want and if you never don’t want to, then embrace it! Having kids is definitely not for everyone and societal pressures shouldn’t make anyone feel otherwise.
Ha. Two years before you met him you told me (while dressed as slutty Mad Hatter) that you were ready to settle down and have kids, and you ruined my high.
