DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Oh wait, maybe it was kmt who switched up the topic and I tagged along. I also appreciate the RTR discussion. Whatever. Or someone else. I’m too lazy pants to go back and look.
Okay, this is not related to Veritek or dating, but I need suggestions.
My friend that has a shitty fiance (I’ve mentioned her before on this thread) has chosen to stay with him despite her recent discovery he’s been high on pills while watching their toddler (my god daughter). I love my god daughter, and I get it’s not easy to leave a relationship. But with this and the many, many other questionable things he’s done, I have no desire to be around him. My friend complains about him every single day, says she doesn’t think it will work, is this close to leaving etc. However, she’s invited me to two things to do with him in this week alone. Ordinarily I just hang out with her and my god daughter and only see him in passing. The first event is dinner tomorrow night. I already have plans to do dinner with my FWB, but my friend wants to bring him to dinner. I have no desire to double date with them. My FWB will do whatever I want. I told my friend we will do dinner on own since he probably won’t be off by the time she wants to do dinner (which is true). She isn’t happy about it. This weekend they are going to his friend’s housewarming and want me to come. I already told her I had nothing planned for this weekend, but I didn’t realize her plans included me third wheeling their dysfunctional relationship to a suburb for a guy that gets pretty handsy whenever he drinks. But I already told her I don’t have plans, so I feel like it would be rude to say “I don’t want to go”. Any suggestions for politely declining plans? Is there any way I can say I don’t want to hang out with her fiance?
It was me with my improper use of “trigger.” I meant topics that trigger emotions and arguments. From there we got onto fashion. It lightened the mood. Chimingin wants to bring it back to that argumentative place, but we’re not doing that today.
Thank you, Kare. I think you can just say you’re not up for it or not into it. You’re allowed to say no without it being rude.
I mean honestly, does it matter? There was a trigger moment – oh sorry. There was a “set-off” moment that just came up and it got a little contentious. It was a moment in time and it’s in the past now. I know I was a big participant in the contention and I got something off my chest that I felt like I needed to. Isn’t that one of the nice things about this community? Being able to come here and talk with one another and, if needed, say how we really feel? I mean, that’s what I like about it. It doesn’t mean anyone is right or wrong – it’s just what happens sometimes in relationships. And while these aren’t real-life relationships, they ARE relationships. We’ve all bared some of ourselves here and that is going to open things up to interpretation, feelings, opinions, etc. I would hope, since we’re all adults, we can move past it and keep the community going.
Thanks, Kate. A lot of times I feel like if I have no plans, I should accept an invitation. It’s good to hear a reminder that it’s okay to say no – to friends, a date, whatever – regardless of what the reason is.
Kate, no, I was not trying to bring it back to an argumentative place, I was just curious why there was such a big drop off! Anyway, that was all. I feel like no one’s perfect and we all make the same mistakes.
@kare, I think you have a right to feel the way you feel – especially in light of the fact he’s potentially putting your goddaughter in danger. It may be time to tell your BFF that while you respect her choices, you just can’t hide your feelings any longer and pretend you are ok with her fiance. I am sure it will be a tough convo, but sometimes, those are conversations our friends need to hear.
That’s a good point – I’ve thought about having that conversation, but I definitely think it should be said in person. I honestly think she’s inviting me to stuff because she can’t stand to do anything with just him. She’s told him before that if she left, she would make sure he barely sees his daughter. His response? “Okay”. I sometimes feel like the main reason he comes back around after a week and asks her not to leave is because he doesn’t want to pay child support. It really makes me sad that she would rather have her daughter around someone who clearly has no interest in being a parent than to be a single mom.
If you mean, “we all at some point in our dating lives make similar mistakes,” yes, absolutely. That’s why someone who’s made those mistakes or seen other people make them might want to chime in (hah) with advice. If you mean “we all make the same mistakes over and over,” I guess there’s some truth to that, but… we do until we don’t, you know? Like after 20 years of shitty long-term relationships I realized that certain patterns of thinking weren’t serving me well and I dropped them. And then I had a totally different kind of relationship. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same bad result, then it’s reasonable to change something.
Hahaha. I love this site. And you Wendy! The white with red flowers if it fits.
And kare… I have a hard time saying no sometimes too. But know, it’s ok.
