DW Community Catch-up Thread
- This topic has 11,820 replies, 97 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks, 2 days ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Yeah, I think your friend is pretty much right. I personally would not want to FaceTime, and I just wouldn’t, but if you don’t mind it, it’s ok.
I think it’s a red flag when the guy seems to be trying too hard, or is over the top all over you with compliments and declarations. It indicates they’re either desperate or the crash & burn type.
But texting every day and making plans to see you seems good-attentive.
@veritek mine is Harbinger, you can buy it on Amazon, it’s $20-30. There aren’t many belts available for women though but that one is pretty good… I algo recommend all things Rogue (roguefitness.com) they have belts, wrist wraps and grips (which I highly recommend, they are awesome for pull ups and toes to bar, I have never had bloody hands because of these).
Thanks Ale! I will check that one out! I’m still quite pathetic at Pullups and T2B but I’ll get there someday 🙂
Yeah, I think there is a clear distinction between being attentive and trying to form an insta-relationship. Attentiveness is something that happens organically because people like each other and they are invested in and eager to get to know each other better. They make plans, don’t plan games with texting/calling, and act like respectful, decent human beings. Someone looking for an insta-relationship tries to make plans for a vacation months in advance on the second date and wants you to meet his friends on the same date. Even though this guy you described doesn’t want to be in a relationship (seriously, wtf is your friend thinking?). Often people looking for the insta-relationship will result in a crash and burn scenario like Kate described due to the fact that THEY DON’T KNOW YOU YET and realize oh, maybe this isn’t what I want…that to me is so different than a normal level of attentiveness.
I don’t mean to throw myself on the fire here so be kind but I learned that lesson the hard way.
My last serious relationship was with a guy who was super attentive and into me and super awesome in the beginning and told me after dating for like 6 weeks or something that he wanted to marry me and I was like the best thing since sliced bread. I told him we shouldn’t even have those conversations until AT LEAST 6 months into the relationship and so he just kept saying he’d propose when we’d been together for 6 months. Well, we broke up right at 6 months because I’m human and didn’t live up to all his expectations and he kept finding all the things “wrong” with me,” meaning as Lianne said – not what he wanted.
So. Now I know that’s a red flag and a lesson learned.
Totally agree with forming an “insta-relationship” being a red flag. But what’s your opinion when it comes to outright asking someone if they want or are open to a relationship? Like, the last guy I dated told me on the third date that he never wants to get married or have children. I was like awesome, I’m glad I know because now I can make an informed decision regarding continuing to see him (better to learn this shit after 3 dates than find out after 8 dates and end up feeling hurt). Also, WAY too many guys online just want to hook up and I’m not down with that.
I don’t want to date someone who isn’t on the same page as me. Is it ok to ask someone if they are looking for a relationship? Does that come across as rushing?
Personally I don’t mind that question early on. As long as it’s general, not specific to the other person, like you say. And I don’t think you necessarily need a long conversation about it, either. I think it helps to know where the other person is coming from.
Ugh, I’ve been wanting to update this thread the last few days! I’ll get back to you, soon!… (nothing exciting, just some head scratching going on. 😛 )
@MissDre I think that’s an absolutely valid question. I generally frame it as “So what brought you to [online dating site]? What sort of thing are you looking for?”
You’re not asking them to marry you. You’re not asking them to be in a relationship with you. You’re doing what first dates are for – getting to know them and figuring out if you want to keep seeing them.I would just observe his behavior. You should be able to tell if he is or isn’t looking for something more than casual with you. And if he’s only looking to hook up… He’ll lie anyway. Just watch and see.
