Right. I’m not picking on you, but why did you ask? Do you not trust your own judgment? Do you feel any different now that he answered yes?

Has there been a guy who acted really interested and respectful like this guy, and his actions were showing you he was open to a relationship but then he told you he wasn’t? If so, ok, though it seems to me if a guy is faking the attentive respectful thing, he’ll tell you what you want to hear. If he’s up front about it and tells you he’s not looking for anything serious, then he probably wasn’t acting like it.

things haven’t been great with the firefighter. (okay, sorry, this got really long, but trying to portray the whole situation accurately…)

the first month it was so refreshing to be with someone who clearly liked me, texted me, asked me out, and wasn’t playing games. he shared a lot of personal stuff with me, clearly wanted to impress me. i felt secure about things and happy. but now, a switch seems to have flipped where i feel like i’m chasing him instead of him chasing me.

two things happened. one, he had mentioned many times things like “when you first start dating someone…” or “when you’re in a new relationship…” so i brought up the “where do we stand conversation” after we had spent an entire weekend together, assuming he’d say something like “of course we’re together”. nope. he said it was too soon (which is fine) but he got kind of freaked out about commitment saying it would ruin the magic or some dumb shit like that. he did say he had been kind of seeing someone before me but stopped because he was only interested in me, and that he thought we were on the same page about where we were headed, and that it was more romantic to not say it explicitly (ookay?). after that we had brunch plans with a couple i’m friends with so we went out and i guess i seemed a bit down during brunch (though i asked my friends later and they thought i was fine). but he walked me home after and said he felt bad, and was worried that he messed things up. i told him he didn’t and we should just table the conversation for now. he said he was sure about how he felt about me and left asking me to call or text him soon.

i let things lie low for a little bit and then i invited him to go to a museum, we went, then did drinks and dinner and he stayed over and we had a great night. the next night was a mutual friend’s house warming. we were all hanging out and drinking wine and there were some shots passed around, but somehow as we were leaving i realized he was totally hammered. he acted like a drunk douchenozzle on the public transportation home and i left at my stop. he texted the next morning to apologize and didn’t even remember all the stupid things he said, so i explained to him all the stupid shit he said and then he apologized profusely, saying he was ashamed of his behavior and deeply sorry, and not sure if i even wanted to talk to him anymore but he was really remorseful.

so then i let things lie a little again, and i had a friend in town. so for the next three days we were texting back and forth intermittently, but i felt like he kept dodging actually seeing me and meeting my friend. finally i had to see him for a work related thing and i called him on it and he admitted that he felt embarrassed about the drunken night and that was kind of compounded by my best friend being in town. so then we met back up later that night and went to dinner, he met my friend, everything seemed good. we did dinner and drinks and then we talked about plans for the next day and loosely said we might see each other for a museum or an opera together with my friend for her last night.

the next day he went to the gym after work and said he was too beat to do anything, so i suggested the next night instead. i told him he should come spend the night (now last night) since my friend was gone so it was the first opportunity in a week. i texted him something kinda jokey implying sex and he said something like “hahah yeah i think we can work something out ;)” i texted him in the morning saying i had a staff meeting at 7:30pm but it wouldn’t last too long. i assumed that implied we could meet up after. i called him around 6 to see what his plans were and he didn’t answer. so then i texted him after my meeting to see if we were doing something and he didn’t answer until hours later (i was asleep) saying “oh i thought you had a staff meeting? i just got above ground”. there are a lot of bars in my city that don’t get reception. and i guess i didn’t explicitly say i would be free around 8:30 or whatever, but, lame.

how did this switch get flipped? i related this story to friends last night and they all said i am being too available and making it too easy so that’s probably why he doesn’t seem as interested now. i am a planner with a lot of hobbies and friends and i like to make plans and know what my week looks like. he’s also new in the city and doesn’t know as many things to do or places to go, and has a much freer schedule than i do. somehow that translated into me making the plans… and now into me suggesting plans and him (i feel) blowing me off. i also get anxious about stuff like this, so maybe i’m overreacting, but there definitely is a significant change in our relationship dynamic.

is it possible to get back to how things were feeling before? my friends say that if i back way off and let him come to me and let him chase me, we’ll get back to how things were. personally i hate games and i don’t feel like i should have to ignore him to make him want me. but maybe i am being too available and making it too easy.

this got way too long, sorry. thoughts?! advice?!

While I do agree that a month can be early to decide to be exclusive, his reasoning makes me think he’s not really looking for a relationship. I feel that if you backed off, he might get back to how he was before. However, I feel that anytime you have the “where do we stand” conversation, he will do the same thing.

Last night I had amazing sex with one of the guys I’m seeing, accidentally went on a date with someone who then got pissed I didn’t realize it was a date and left me at the restaurant, then my FWB met up with me so we ended up cuddling and watching Broad City.

Welp. Got this text: “Hey I’m sorry I’ve been all over the place, I’ve had a lot on my mind. Would it be possible to meet up this afternoon and talk about it?”

Sooooo I’m assuming he’s breaking up with me.

Well, Physicist and I broke up Wednesday night. Long, complicated story that I don’t feel like getting into now, but the crux of it is that I’m left wondering if anything he’s said to me in the six months we’ve known each other was true.
Couldn’t sleep on Wednesday, spent yesterday crying and sleeping. Feeling really, really sad about it. I know it hadn’t been that long, but I’d gotten really attached.