DW Community Catch-up Thread
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He sounds like a wackadoodle @kmtthat… like a confused mess. I’m sorry it sucks but you deserve to be with someone who appreciates what he’s got.
A little update:: apparently he’s writing me a letter to “clear his head and to be clear with you [me]” and I told him I didn’t really want a list of reasons he doesn’t want to be with me. He said: “it’s not that I don’t want to be with you, it’s just I don’t know what I want, and it’s unclear to me what we are or could be, at least now…and I feel like I need to figure that out first before I can commit to or with someone.” I didn’t respond and then he texted me at 4 am saying he was having a hard time writing.
This is all very…odd. We dated for three months, and the entire time he was very clear that he really liked me, didn’t want to screw it up, and wanted a relationship. It seems like as soon as he had other obligations and didn’t know how to prioritize things, he flipped out and ended it.
At this point I guess I’m getting a handwritten break up letter?
I would tell him to journal it, not send it to you, and leave you alone. You don’t want any part of a guy like this.
Agreed with the last 2, this is a thing for him not you. I know it’s a bit complicated because you have mutual friends, but it really does seem like it’d be best for you to go no-contact. This drawn-out drama on his issues is not your problem.
I seriously vote you don’t read that letter. Burn it. Don’t open it. Give it to a friend to hold on to. There’s nothing in there that will make you feel better; letters like this are ALWAYS about the letter writer making themselves feel better by trying to explain what a mess they are.
I don’t want to dump on you when you are down, but I think your example is exactly why some other posters consider too much attention from a guy at the start is a yellow flag.
To keep the peace with mutual friends, I’d kindly respond, like Kate suggested, that he journal his thoughts, no need for a written letter. That you appreciate him being honest and direct with you, and that you wish him well. But I’d keep it friendly like that; I wouldn’t tell him to never contact you again or anything.
Remember, because of his prioritizing, you too sensed this wasn’t working out and wanted to end it. I think you both realized, maybe, long-term you were looking for different partners? Maybe? And that’s OK, as hard as it is. I know a great guy is out there who is perfect for you, one who will make you feel valued and loved and who will want all the things you want, without you having to push for it, you know?
I agree with the others kmt- there is no good that can come from you reading a letter he writes. It will likely just leave you feeling more confused. And probably hopeful for a future at some point. You had just said you were thinking now about ending it. Keep reminding yourself of that. You had just gotten out of something long term that sort of exploded in your face. Look at this as a rebound thing and MOA. You deserve so much more than what he’s able to offer you. You don’t need to wait for him to work out his issues – there’s a guy out there with his shit already dealt with that is waiting for you. Don’t miss that opportunity by spending more time or energy on this one!
I just imagine reading that letter is only going to make you feel worse – and what’s the point in that? I agree with the others. It’s not your duty/obligation to help him justify his feelings/action.
I have to agree with the others- whatever he’s dealing with is his own deal, and it really ultimately has nothing to do with you. And you were only dating for 3 months- so his crying and letter writing seems to be way way way too much. I also have to echo what AP and Lianne are saying- you were thinking about ending things anyway, so while this hurts now, it’s likely for the best in the long run. It helped you get over your long term relationship ending, and was fun for awhile, but it ended. Maybe that’s all you were ultimately meant to get from it?
