DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Moneypenny raises a good point. I think we all could have benefited at one point or another from taking a relationship for what it is/was and not playing the what-if game. I know I had at least one relationship that should have ended way before it officially did. And that’s because I kept trying to make it something it was never meant to be.
Oh my gosh, yes, I have totally done that more than once! And I know it was because I was desperately trying to hold on to the relationship because I otherwise would have felt like a failure and/or didn’t think that I would ever meet someone else after that. (oof.) And I don’t want to pile on you, Kmen, but maybe you need to just take a breather and be single for awhile? Spend some time “doing you?” I know everyone is different, but when I have gotten out of relationships (of which I have not had many, I admit), I don’t even *want* to date- I just want to regroup and take care of myself and do my own thing for awhile before spending energy dating (not to mention, taking breaks when dating gets frustrating or whatever). This is just my perspective, and people prefer to do things their own way, but this has helped me stay centered.
Moneypenny, I actually started typing something similar but didn’t hit submit.
Don’t give up entirely kmen! You’re awesome and I know you’ll find someone awesome.
As MP said, everyone does things differently, but after most of my relationships, with the exception of the ex-fiance, I took long breaks. Sometimes a year, a couple of times longer. It helped me regroup and made me think harder about what I wanted out of a life long partner. I can get attached easily and so these breaks helped me calm down and reassess. During these breaks, I wouldn’t actively search, however, I didn’t close myself off to possibilities either.
FWIW, I do think people come into your life for certain reasons. This guy served some purpose… even if he’s not the right long term partner. I know it doesn’t make it any easier, but I also know you’ll end up being more than fine. You’ll be effing fantastic.
@kmtthat I actually had the very same thing happen to me when I started dating. I got set up on a blind date with my friends, now ex, bf’s friend. We dated for a whole month, then I ended it when I realized he wasn’t my type. He proceeded to send me a really long FB message (he warned me he would do that) because he was so frustrated I ended things. Basically he vented to me. I had no idea how to deal with it, and told him that some of the things he said in that letter were hurtful. He was a bit damaged I guess from being in the military for so long, that he apparently ‘didn’t realize he could feel again.’ Regardless that scarred me for a bit after.
I agree with everyone, tell him to NOT send it to you, don’t drag this out more than it needs to be. Let him journal it and have him learn something from it. Sending you a letter helps in no way, as you should really just back away and let this guy go, he is a mess.
Just want to say thank you guys so much for the perspective! I’ve re-read what everyone write a few times. I haven’t heard anything more about this supposed “letter” so hoping he just didn’t do it. He texted me saying I left earrings at his place last week, so he’s dropping them off Saturday morning. I’m keeping things peaceful (as I mentioned we have mutual friends who are getting married and we will both be me in the wedding). I don’t feel mad, you just aren’t that into me. (Or really, I think he has no idea what he’s doing, but that’s his deal to work out). Either way, he missed out on what actually could have been a really good thing.
Hope everyone is having better luck out there!
I’m really glad you’re feeling better about it kmtthat! Have him just drop the earrings int he mailbox if you don’t want to see him and take the weekend to treat yourself and relax.
You’ll both be in the wedding?!? AWKWARD! I’m sorry. This whole situation sucks kmen. And you’re totally right. He’s the one missing out on a very good thin
Well, the guy from eHarmony told me tonight that he didn’t feel romantic feelings for me. I’m sad and pretty disappointed but I had been questioning how much I felt about him anyway…I guess. We just had so much in common and I was hoping we could try it. Ah well. 🙁
@ktfran Yeah, but my friend just pushed the wedding back to next September (the venue they want has some on going construction) so it’s not for a long time out anyway. He dropped off my earrings the other day and ended up helping me hang up the pictures he had offered to help with originally. He was over for an hour during which time we were totally fine, polite, having a good time, listening to music, joking…didn’t talk about things at all. He dropped me off where I was meeting friends and it was like ok…see you around. He finally brought up the letter and how he wanted to write it but didn’t kwo what he thought or felt and I told him I thought writing it was great for him, but I really didn’t need it. And that I thought there was nothing wrong with me or us, but he always is chasing the “perfect’ thing because he’ll never find it and he’ll never have to move forward with anyone (because he’s afraid). It was pretty brief.
I guess it’s nice to know when we do see each around (again, mutual friends so it will happen) we can get along. But it’s sort of a mind fuck that we get along so well and it’s just…not what he wants. Anyway…break from dating.
@TheLadyE Ughhhhhh I’m so sorry :(.
catching up on all the news now that I’m back to the real world! KMEN sorry to hear about new dude, but glad it’s sorting itself out early rather than later. Also, loving the pictures from your trip!
Everyone else: Honeymoons are awesome. Even when you freeze your butt off in CurryVillage at night. Also awesome? Eloping. aka destination wedding for two
