DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Copa I hear Yoho is way better than Banff! More pristine and less touristy. I am going on an overnight hike July 16th to Yoho and doing the Iceline trail, so it will be my first time there, I shall report back on its comparison 😛
I admit Yosemite, Glacier and Yellowstone are on my bucket list to visit in the states.
And correct me if I am wrong, but are some of you using Tinder now to date?! Has the use of it changed that much already from a hookup app to a dating app?!
Trying to catch up on this thread, but maaan this site is so slow for me! (Anyone else? Just my problem?) In any case, sararosie, I’d send a “hi/how’s your week/are we still on for friday?” text. I don’t think like everyone else here that no contact by now means disinterested. I maintain a busy schedule during the week and truthfully, while I AM someone who always follows up with a “thanks/had a great time/blah blah” text after a promising first date when I’m interested in a second, I can admittedly be horrible with texting. Particularly if I met someone and they’re from an online site (I’m not sure if this is your case since this site is so slow on my computer and I couldn’t bear to load another page, ha), it’s easy for someone I met just that once to slip my mind even if I’m excited about them. Heck, even with close friends, if the text falls off the first 7ish on my phone, I can forget to respond to a message for days. ALL OF THAT SAID, just text and ask, especially if YOU want to see him again. He may be disinterested — nobody can say for sure — but I personally hate this kind of waiting game and refuse to play it.
Also re: Yoho National Park, I’d never heard of it until now but just Googled it and OMG between my political bae Justin Trudeau and the scenery, I have such a big crush on Canada. Haha. Doesn’t look like it’s too far from Banff and I’m really hoping to throw together a trip out there in 2017. I think it’s too late to find good deals for August/September, which is when I’d want to go this calendar year if possible.
I haven’t been Tinder or a similar app in awhile, but people here tend to use it for both hookups and serious dating. The one thing in common with all of my friends that are in serious relationships is that they slowed down the physical part of a relationship until they were sure they were both in the same page. Obviously I think you can hook up with someone on date one and it go somewhere, or date eight and realize they’ve lied to you. But I guess it doesn’t hurt to be discerning when meeting people online (personally I’d never hook up with a guy I’ve just met because I’m terrified of being murdered or something).
I will say I see A LOT of Christian guys on Tinder and Bumble. Of course in Texas you tend to get some overlap between Christian and some…lesser qualities. But word from coworkers is that Christian Mingle attracts some weirdos targeting women or guys that are giant red flags rushing to get married. Of course, every dating app/site has those things, but I think they were just a bit naive about online dating.
@LadyE I think it’s understandable to want to date someone that shares your faith, but I do think it’s good to break a pattern once in awhile. I’m not sure what specific branch of Christianity you’re referring to, but there’s a lot of Christians out there. It might not be explicity stated on their dating profile, and many people are raised that it’s impolite to discuss politics or religion with people you’ve just met. There’s probably a ton of Christian guys that even if they aren’t your specific denomination would be open-minded to yours. From an outside perspective, it appears you have a pattern of selecting religious guys with intimacy issues. I don’t think religion is the cause for the intimacy issues, but more of an explanation for the lack of physical intimacy that can be rationalized as not a red flag when really there’s more at play (they aren’t ready for a relationship, hung up on an ex, struggling with their sexuality, etc).
So i ended up just texting him which was the right move. I think he isnt much of a text communicator, or at least this is something ill have to consider if we continue dating. He got back to me and I asked about Friday and he said yes definitely. Soooo yea, we will see how date 2 goes. If anything this shows me i need to not get wrapped up in the details so much, its just not worth the stress! I also have another date set up for next week with another guy, first one i met on Bumble.
I have been primarily using Tinder and i have to say i really like it. There is a mix of people and what they are looking for, but its fairly easy to spot the hook up only ones. Lots of people even put in their profile that they are looking for a FWB only. I feel like with Tinder it cuts right to do you want to meet or not, after only a few messages. Its a lot easier for me to deal with now, but at some point I may go on Match if i feel like it. I think lots of people on Tinder are open to relationships though. My brother and gf met on there and are going on 3 years together.
@Kate & @kare, I appreciate your insight. I don’t want to hijack the thread talking about my faith/choosing to date in my faith, but I can give a little background.
I would consider myself nondenominational Christian but I’ve attended/been a member of churches of several denominations throughout my life. I haven’t gotten into my whole history here, but I have dated lots of different men from many walks of faith (and also none at all). My first boyfriend was agnostic. My second was spiritual, but didn’t attend church. My third was Catholic. My fourth was a Christian Scientist (I would say our relationship was the strongest out of those, and we went back and forth between each other’s churches. This is not Scientology, just FYI – there’s often confusion!). My fifth and last real long-term boyfriend was Christian, I think Baptist(?) but would not engage in any kind of faith discussions or church with me and it was just really frustrating and not sustainable.
I don’t post here much, but in between the men I have posted about, I often go out on 1-3 dates with guys of all different facets of Christianity and spirituality. In the past six months I’ve gone out with 6 different guys of varying levels of spirituality. One of them, who was raised in a Baptist church, I ended up sleeping with on the 2nd date because I really, really liked him. I still do. He lives in LA and I visited him in April, too. He didn’t have physical intimacy issues, clearly, but we aren’t looking for the same thing, at least right now.
Ultimately, I’ve been dating for a long time and I try to really take time in between relationships to self-reflect and figure out what I’m looking for. After my breakup with the Christian Scientist, I took a year off dating and literally did not go out with anyone. I think I have a pretty strong grasp on what I’m looking for; I just haven’t found it yet. I know I want someone who not only respects my faith but will engage with me about it and share it, and that we will encourage each other in our mutual faith. I honestly don’t really care about denomination (this last guy I just posted about is Lutheran); what really matters is if we are compatible on how it affects our lives and outlooks.
I have tried Christian Mingle but I had zero luck with it and it’s expensive, so eh.
I think my new plan is going to be to get off of most everything online for awhile and go out to different volunteer/meetup/church groups and meet people organically. Online dating is hard and I’m fatigued with it. I already feel like I don’t do enough good in the world or give enough to people so maybe I’ll at least make some new friends that way.
Oh, and eHarmony guy does want to be friends, so I’ll probably hang out with him some more. I think I need some more organic relationships rather than the endless cycle of online dating right now. Seems like a good solution for the next several months, at least! 🙂
Ok, I see. In your posts there seems to be a strong emphasis on a guy sharing your religious beliefs, but maybe that’s not really the case. I just wanted to make the point that it’s not necessary for a good relationship but it seems like you get that?
@Kate I would really like it if he did, and I think that in order for us to be compatible he would need to engage in some level of spirituality (or else he probably just wouldn’t really like or get me, heh), but that’s not the only thing I look for by any means. I’ve had disastrous non-relationships with a couple men who consider themselves to be strong Christians, so I know there’s way more to it than that.
Yay, sararosie! Glad you texted him! Glad you’re going out again! I think it’s a good thing not to put too much emphasis on text habits when you’re getting to know someone. Some people aren’t big texters and other people (like me) are lazy texters. One of my friends had just started talking to a guy from OKC maybe a month ago and decided he wasn’t into her because he didn’t text her during the workday and was otherwise a slow communicator. I thought it was absurd. And when he DID text she’d purposely wait longer than the amount of time it took him to respond before she’d respond. I wanted to shake her and yell. And told her that if I knew a guy I was talking to was playing those games, I’d think he was an idiot. Naturally she was offended… (Not saying you’re doing these same things, sararosie, just sometimes I find it odd how much people — myself included — can read into things when they’re dating.)
I’m told the primary use of Tinder varies by geographic location. I didn’t really use it until I moved to my current city and I’ve been here less than two years so I’d say I’m a newer user. I feel like I can usually tell based on how the conversation goes what a guy is looking for — like that time I got a request for nudes, I think my assumption that we were looking for different things was a safe one — and it has actually come up often in text conversations before meeting someone. Almost every guy I’ve spoken to on there has been looking for a relationship. (One of the ones who wasn’t actually found me on Match about 12 hours after I blocked him on Tinder. Sent me some follow-up messages through that platform because that’s the obvious thing to do when blocked. Piled onto my hatred for Match.) I don’t think I’ve used online sites as much as other people (as in, I’m not someone who has profiles on ALL THE PLATFORMS and I’m someone who will dabble in online dating for a short period of time and then take a break), but my favorite online dates have been with Tinder dudes.
Yo… has anybody here ever gotten into a relationship with somebody who is way kinkier than you? That’s what I’m looking at here. I am rather inexperienced and vanilla. Not because I’m opposed to or against doing kinky shit, but because I’m quite shy and have never been asked to step outside my comfort zone. The new BF ended up telling me some of the things he’s into and I was quite overwhelmed. I basically told him I’m willing to be open minded if he’s willing to go slow with me, be patient and understanding. But, I’m wondering if this is going to end up being an incompatibility. It’s giving me some anxiety today. Thoughts?
I think you’re generally approaching religion in dating in a positive way, LadyE.
I’ve seen both ways of considering religion in dating and my anecdata is that other parts of spirituality can be more important the specific religion/denomination. I know a couple where one is an Orthodox/very observant Jew, another deeply Christian, and they’ve been very happy together for some time. On the other hand, I had a friend in college who would only date observant Lutherans (plus had other specific ideas of what else she wanted in a partner). She didn’t date anyone in college. I’m actually not sure if she’s dated at all and she’s in her early 30’s now.
Guys. Today is the day the guy and I first made out after an evening boat ride on Lake Michigan…. and thus began our relationship. July 19 marks our first real date, but… today started it all!
It was two days before his birthday, so easy to remember. I sent a clever little birthday e-mail and apparently, it worked!
