DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I know I’ll probably get skewered for even bringing this up, but have you considered he’s not being honest? This has the flavor of him having another relationship – maybe he’s married??
If you haven’t already, I would not send him a reactionary inflammatory message. Cool off before talking to him. This COULD all be on the level. On the other hand, yeah… In spite of 4 hours distance and a completely inconsistent schedule, he was eager to be exclusive after a few dates… That’s a bit of a warning sign. And this “omg I suddenly have to fly to the Middle East! No time to talk! Bye!” looks a bit questionable. I personally would chill until you have a chance to talk, stay calm, ask the right questions, figure it out.
What Lianne and Wendy are suggesting also fits with an “I’m kinky but my partner isn’t” sort of setup…
Like, what’s going on? What’s the latest with the job offer, tell me about it, etc. Those are the initial questions. From there you could calmly ask if he wasn’t able to call before he took off. Basically find out the latest and take it from there. Before throwing a bomb at him via text.
It’s possible that he didn’t have a lot of time for texting/calling before he left. I’m not saying this is a good excuse but it is possible.
The facts we had are: dude was really into you, there were certainly some obstacles to overcome (4 hour distance), but everything seemed to be tracking within a normal-ish bound. Last few days, he’s veered from normal. You specifically asked for things and expressed importance. He didn’t respond (rude or otherwise). Made rude joke/statement. Possible end to relationship.
You’ve said if he takes this job it’s done. What happens if he doesn’t take this job? Is there a reasonable explanation that would allow you to continue? I’m kinda thinking that it’s just too soon to put up with some of this. Not that he HAD to consider choosing you or the job, just that if he really was THAT into you (like how his love bombing has been so far would indicate), it would have merited a phone call
The simplest explanation is that he’s planning to take the job and is backing way off. He hasn’t said that because sure, until he checks it out he doesn’t know definitely that he’ll take it, but my guess is he’s mostly sure he’ll take it.
I agree with @Roxy. I think he’s about 80% sure he’s taking the job but is putting off communication until he checks out everything. Sure it sucks that he didn’t call you when you asked, but maybe he feels like he can’t be on the phone with you without mentioning that he is taking the job. Or maybe he is conflicted and doesn’t want to talk to you because it makes him feel guilty about taking the job. If I was in that position, I would back off until he reached out to me. But I would also give a guy slack for not calling before a flight. Was it at a normal time of day? Did he have time to pack and do his usual routine? Plus if he’s in the middle east right now, his cell service might not work depending on if it’s GSM or CDMA. Yes his behavior has veered off of the normal trend, but I think getting a sudden job offer requiring an international move is big enough to alter someone’s normal behavior.
When leaving to travel abroad he may also be talking to his parents, letting them know what he’s doing and where he will be and giving them his flight information. Especially if traveling to that region I would want someone to know exactly where I was and when I would be there. If I was him I’d also try to talk to people who had taken similar jobs or done similar job interviews to see what to expect. All of that takes time and is all out of his ordinary routine. I’d assume that he had far less time than usual to talk to you. At the same time I would expect some quick updates. Something like giving my flight information and hotel reservation to my parents. Talking to a friend about the interview. It doesn’t take much to keep someone up to speed about what is happening.
