DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I can see where that could get a little confusing.
I was thinking, I love hugs and cuddles, so that sounds nice! But the only male friends I ever did that with were definitely not ever interested in more, and neither was I.
I wonder why you can’t just say to the guy ‘I like hanging out with you but the physical contact is a little much for friendship’? He can then tone it down, and it kind of makes me think you can tell him.
@veritek, is that the guy you met through online dating and became friends with? If so, what was the reason it didn’t work out romantically when you met? As my BFF Aziz Ansari pointed out in his book, familiarity can increase attraction to someone you weren’t initially attracted to. Just a thought (w/o knowing the back story), but is it possible that you guys might end up being more attracted to one another after a period of just being friends? (Friends first is my ideal/preferred dating scenario, but with online dating it’s not likely since I think most people won’t give second dates to good-but-not-great.)
@anonymousse I love hugs and cuddles too! I just typically save that for someone I’m romantic with 🙂
@nookie I know this sounds stupid but I guess I just don’t want to hurt his feelings. Which brings me to my response to @CopaWe met online last fall and were matched on all three sites I had been using. We started talking and then he disappeared and his profiles went down. He popped back up in January or February and sent me a message apologizing for disappearing and said that he had started dating someone in the fall and it hadn’t worked out and that’s why he disappeared for a while. No harm, no foul, I had been dating someone else too.
He explained that he might just be looking for friends at that time. I took him at his word because he seemed really cool and it doesn’t hurt to have more friends and we hit it off right away. The more we hang out the more comfortable it is to be around him – and I find myself maybe having a crush? Can you have a crush on someone in your 30s? That’s the best word I can think of to describe it. And so the touching and hugging and affection just kind of blurs the lines for me if he wants to remain just friends. Like I said, I’d be open to dating him because I like him, but I haven’t sat around waiting for him (hence, the dates I’ve been going on this spring and summer with other guys.)
@veritek33 I think if you like him, you can just say so. “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been a little more affectionate lately. I know you said you were just looking for friends right now, so it’s a little confusing to me as I don’t tend to be too touchy feely with my guy friends. Now that we’ve been hanging out more I could see us dating. Is that something you’d be interested in?”
I do’t know, now that I’m in my 30s I just give zero fucks and am more ready to just put my feelings out there for the sake of clarity. Amd if he says he really only wants to be friends, you can shrug, tell him “fair enough” and then take your space.
Are you kidding me about having crushes in your 30s? I LOVE having crushes nowadays because they’re way more rare for me now. Every single crush I’ve had in the past, I dunno, 3? 4? years has been fairly ridiculous (nothing I ever would’ve acted on — people like my former boss, who was married but just a really good, kind, dorky man) but so much fun.
So I went out to lunch with a friend today, and there was a really really cute guy at the restaurant (striking resemblance to Kit Harrington) so I gave him my number on a napkin. Now I’m all shaky and nervous. Approaching actual people is nerve wracking!
You guys, I’ve had such a fun weekend! On Friday night, I went to see Louis CK do stand-up with a guy friend of mine. We had such a good time and Louis CK was obviously hilarious. My friend is a former coworker and we get together at least once a month if not more; we’re pretty close. He’s a few years my junior and I think he looks at me like someone who has her shit together…hahaha. If only he knew. We had quite an adventure getting to the show and then afterwards at the pub where we went to grab a bite before making the hour-long trek back to our city. Now I have a great story to tell forever! And it’s not often I get to see Louis CK live. That was awesome.
My friend recently lost his dad in a tragic accident (and he’s only 27), so I invited him to Louis CK to have a night where he could laugh. I felt such intense warm fuzzies watching someone I really care about be just helpless with laughter when I know he’s going through the hardest time in his life right now. I don’t think there’s any other feeling that can come close to that. After the show, we sat on the steps of the theater and talked while we watched the line of traffic dissipate and he kept thanking me for inviting him and saying what a great time he had. Wow, such a wonderful feeling.
Last night, I went to have sushi with the guy from eHarmony. We’re now friends; we actually hung out on the 4th of July too. Last night, there was a torrential downpour (like, flash flood warnings for hours) and we were stuck at the sushi place in a corner booth but we had a lot of fun just talking. There was so much less pressure than when we were going on dates and I felt like I could just be myself. I think it was a great decision to ask him to be friends and hang out, because now it’s just really fun instead of a lot of pressure. We talked about going to see the Secret Life of Pets together next weekend too.
I started talking to a guy on Bumble last night who I may meet for a drink later in the week, so we’ll see how that goes. I doubt most people talk about Shakespeare on Bumble but we did, so that was fun. 🙂
This weekend I’ve been reading more of Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Love (I stopped a few months ago in the first half) and it’s confirming what I’ve been thinking about doing all along: quit with the endless cycle of exhausting online dating and just get out and meet people, nurture friendships, and have fun. I look at this past weekend and I had such a great time that it really makes sense to just do things this way and see what happens organically with whoever it might happen with…eventually. 🙂
All quiet on the dating front over here. My weekends are pretty much booked solid from till… egads, maybe late September. So things are super busy with tons of trips and fun friend time, but it doesn’t leave much space for dating. I was talking to a guy from tinder and a guy from okc but felt kinda meh about both of them so just stopped responding. Things seem really dead on online dating in my city. Except for the tourists – tons of people looking for a tourguide/fling on their 3-day weekend in town. No thanks!
