Good point.

I also wouldn’t say his telling her makes him an awesome person. You’d be an asshole to sleep with someone without telling them you have an STD. Telling them is just normal adult responsibility. I think it’s fortunate that she found out about a deal breaker after just a few dates, but that’s it. Too soon to know if he’s indeed a wonderful person.

Thanks everyone…you’re right. @Nookie that actually crossed my mind too. Honestly, given the people I’ve dated (several of whom have cheated, or have slept with many, many women) statistically I think someone I’ve slept with has probably already had it and I just didn’t get it.

I called him last night and we talked. I was exactly as awkward as I thought I’d be and was just telling him I’m an incredibly anxious person when it comes to dating and adding anything in that complicates that is really difficult for me. And that being allergic to latex didn’t help.

He was pretty clear he wanted to keep seeing me, thought we had a good connection and if I wanted a few weeks to think about it, basically he’d be there waiting and we could take it as slow as I wanted, he didn’t mind if I dated other people, etc. He was like “I’m not saying I’m looking for my wife, but I want something really serious” and I told him very honestly that given my recent past I didn’t know if I was able to do serious right now. And we talked about how he isn’t able to leave our city for work reasons and how I move every few years, so I’d worry that would be a problem eventually. I feel like crap, and I do actually like the guy. If it wasn’t for this I would have kept seeing him, but hey, it might not have worked out anyway.

I still feel like a jerk though, and immediately burst into tears after we hung up.

So how was it left, Kmen? It sounds like he wouldn’t mind if you took a few weeks no contact and thought about it, but he was open to reconnecting if you changed your mind?

At the end of it all, if you’re not looking for serious and he is, then it would not been a good match right now anyway.

kmt, I think it’s awesome you’re not trying to force something with someone, even though he may be a perfectly nice gentleman whom you like as a person. You know what you need right now, you’re communicating those needs, and I think that is how it should be. Because he’s looking for something serious and you’re not, maybe the herpes thing was the deciding factor to call it quits. You weren’t feeling it and this is how it manifested…

I honestly believe timing plays a HUGE part in who we end up with. Timing was off. That’s ok.

Just needed to put this out here because I was a little foolish and I don’t want to tell anybody IRL. I think it’s ok but I should have known better. A month ago I chatted with a guy on Bumble, and it was light/fun. He asked me to join him and his friends for drinks but it was too late for me so I declined/apologized the next morning, and then the conversation ended.

He messaged me yesterday asking what I was doing today. I was interested in trying something new (casual), so even though we hadn’t talked in a month, this afternoon I messaged back saying not much, wrapping up work. He said I should come out for a drink. I said sounded tempting and asked where.

Then he asked if he could add me on Facebook to see if I was really who I was. I said I don’t usually add strangers without meeting them first. Then he said maybe a full body selfie and offered to go first. Which sounded even weirder. And I should have just ignored it. But I got his name instead to look on Facebook and he seemed normal so I added him/he added back.

Then… silence. So I asked if he still wanted to get a drink and if not, let me know. He said “I’m good I think”. So well, I guess I wasn’t attractive enough/didn’t look enough like my photos–which I don’t think is the case, but sure, they are more flattering photos. I unfriended him soon after and unmatched him on Bumble. But, yeah, so the stupid part is now he knows my name which I was trying to avoid. I mean, he could do some Googling and find out where I work, but what else is he really going to do so I am hoping it’s ok.

I think ATWYS has spot-on online dating advice, and she says to just abort the mission if a guy asks you for “more pics.” It’s never good.