DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Kate I don’t even know what I was going for… it was just one of those late night moments of sadness/weakness.
@kmtthat I wish I could find something casual — but I am so picky about what type of circumstances I’ll accept for a FWB, I probably won’t find something like that anytime soon. Anyway, good luck.
Yeah, same here. Circumstances are basically:
-Must be someone I know and trust, but that I have already vetted as not being a good fit for a relationship with me
-Must treat me respectfully (I’m not the person you text at midnight or when drunk. I’m like a spa treatment, you book it in advance like an adult that appreciates my time and I’ll return the favor)
-Must be someone I don’t socialize with in the context of other people (so like the guy in the hiking group…that sucked!)
-Must be someone I have a fun time with in and out of bed. Let’s cook dinner, play records, hookup, be cute, then not worry about talking until the next time
-Must be someone I care about as a friend and would be genuinely happy for them if they met the right person/got a promotion/adopted a dog
-Would prefer that we don’t sleep with other people at the same time, or if you meet someone you do want to sleep with or date seriously, no worries, just let me know so we can go back to platonic acquaintancesI feel like so many guys are just…not capable of this. They’re either wanting to be rude/act with no respect or get emotional wondering why you don’t want more (even if they don’t necessarily want more). I had it once, on and off for 6 years and it was perfect.
@Cleopatra_30 I’m headed to Glacier in less than 2 weeks! Can’t wait! Glad you had a great time there. Unfortunately we won’t be able to go to Waterton Lakes because my passport expired a couple of months ago and my boyfriend’s has been expired for years. We need to renew. We will be also going to Yellowstone and Grand Tetons as well.
I have the same checklist, but I don’t care about either of us sleeping with other people. As long as I don’t hear about it, cuz that shit’s none of my business and vice versa.
I generally do not hook up with multiple people at the same time, but what’s the point in setting that as a rule with a FWB? Declaring sexual exclusivity sort of defeats the purpose of keeping it “casual” in my opinion.
Oh, it’s not about emotional monogamy. I could care less if they want to date someone else, the not sleeping with multiple people at the same time comes purely from a health fear place (I’m paranoid about STDs or even getting just the flu or something from the other chick you’re banging). My last FWB I slept with the last time when he was dating two girls (both of whom knew about me and were totally fine with it) so I can do it, but it’s not preferred. I get icked out.
I also don’t tend to do it for like loooong stretches (more than a few weeks/months here and there, until we start seeing other people). It’s more an oasis in the desert situation.
LOL yup, it’s admittedly just physical health anxiety. It’s like…I wouldn’t lick a spoon that I knew a bunch of other people might be licking. I don’t care how many people licked it before (assuming it’s clean) or lick it after. But while I’m using it…I’d prefer not to swap germs with untold hoardes of strangers. I think there’s a difference between keeping a relationship casual and treating your health casually. I can do the former, not the latter.
Anyway jealous of all the nature trips! I’ll be in LA next weekend for the Adele concert and to visit friends/family.
I have the same checklist, but without the exclusivity. Which is why I’ve had the same FWB for a year. He meets all the requirements. The other guys I hook up with are more of a spur-of-the-moment thing. Although at the moment I’m down to just my FWB and my coworker. Both guys like hearing about my exploits with each other though. My FWB is bi, so we trade stories about guys in general. My coworker seems to have a bit of a cuckold thing going on. Which is fine, but I’m not going to deeply explore that fetish with someone casual.
@kmtthat I totally agree with your list for a FWB, and please learn from my mistake of doing it with someone within your social group. It may have worked out better if I didn’t see him each week with that group. But who knows. Lesson learned! Although now I think the don’t ask don’t tell policy would probably be a good thing for me to apply in the future if I ever attempt a FWB again.
I am in the same mentality as you right now. I just don’t have the drive or interest in dating. I kind of wish I did, but it all seems so daunting and uninteresting.
I hope everyone is having a happy summer!
It appears you are all up to the same old tricks, except for you KTfran. You are on point.
I do love this list of demands for a “friend with benefits”. Must be a line of guys out your bedroom doors.
@Jimmyjam Troll much? It’s not a list of demands, it’s preferences. Pretty sure everyone is allowed to have those…even you!
My point was that I very rarely encounter a situation where I feel comfortable having a FWB. I am more of a dating/relationship person by nature. But I genuinely have zero problem meeting someone very attractive to fuck casually if I so wished, thanks.
