MissDre- I think that’s a weird thing to say to you. Why is he telling you? He could mean anything by that. And what would he expect you to say in response? Kind of weird to me.

I have an update that is totally worth sharing (bc bullet dodged). So, back in August I dated a guy a few times- things were really positive, good chemistry, all that. I actually really liked him. He was about to start grad school as well. We kept in touch a bit after that but he basically disappeared after labor day. I let it go and moved on, never to hear from him. Fast forward to two weeks ago he texts me that, sorry he was MIA and wanted to see me. He’s suddenly all interested in what I’ve been up to. I tell him I’m basically busy till this past sunday, and so he says, finally on sunday morning, that he’ll come over to my place. (Umm whatever, ok- at least I didn’t have to go all the way to his place?) So he comes over, and we chit chat, and when I suggest going outside and walking around my ‘hood, he’s like, nah, I thought we could just stay here. Basically he repeatedly starts making out with me (which is ok), telling me he missed me, and tries to escalate things to, I assume, end up having sex with me. Needless to say, I’m not really feeling that comfortable about it, and put him off. And he also asks if I’m ok, that something seems different. We end up going out for some dinner, and then come back and he tries again. Then he’s like, “you don’t want to have sex?” And I’m like, no, not really. Because, hello, I haven’t seen you in over a month with no contact, I’ve basically mentally moved on, and this feels really skeevy! He eventually ends up leaving. Ugh. I am not a booty call!
Not only that, but I don’t think he wears deodorant.

MissDre- yeah, that’s where I figured that was going, so I really wasn’t surprised when he pushed it that direction. I had no expectations going into it. I had suggested meeting at a coffee shop, but he said he’d come to my place instead. My main issue was more that he just assumed that nothing would be different from when I saw him last, which was almost 1.5 months ago.

So basically he’s not getting any hits and he’s telling you that? Or he just broke up with someone 5 minutes ago and isn’t ready to date. Him getting into this with you isn’t a good sign. Is it a huge red flag, maybe not, but it’s not good.

Ange, I *totally* agree with you, and I know I tend to be pretty nice when dating when I don’t really need to. It actually occurred to me that he probably met someone else. But I also try to give people a little bit of the benefit of the doubt- especially when, in this case, I knew how intense his grad program is. And we were going out on proper dates! Which were really fun! So yeah. But I wrote him off and then when he reappeared I totally side-eyed it and put him off until it was actually convenient for me. And come to find out, he was really only interested in one thing. Oh well!

Ehhh, fuck what anyone else tells you, dre. Including me! But I think most people are wont to say that about online dating, right? So yeah, I think it’s a big red flag that he wrote you those things, but why not go on one more date. See if he opens up. If he truly doesn’t get it-he might not understand what he was saying was weird. But, also-what do I know? I luckily didn’t have to deal with this type of trial and error and so I can’t really say what your time is worth. If you are feeling in the pit of your stomach like this is not a good option, don’t talk to him anymore.

Hey I’m not saying you’re doing it wrong Dre, literally never said anything at all about it before now. I just see lovely ladies taking crap and putting up with dudes they perhaps wouldn’t normally because they might be a little vulnerable at the moment. Go on another date by all means, just remember what you’re worth.